Road to Perdition

I moved!

2007-08-31T17:47:00.000+08:00

I won't be posting here anymore. Please update your links. This site will still be available because I won't be deleting it for sentimental purposes.

Here's my new web baby:

http://thedramaholic.blogspot.com

Make me a star!

2007-08-25T19:26:00.000+08:00

current addiction: eating out
playlist favorite: light up the sky- yellowcard

C'mon, c'mon, c'mon! Make me famous NOW! haha, demanding much? You should be used to it by now. *wink!

Anyhow, why?

Because I friggin want to be on Celebrity Duets!

Gaaahhh!!! I really, really, really want to! It's a fabulous show and I want to be part of all the fabulousness! Hey, I belong, don't I? *bleh!

Gosh, really! I'm having sooo much fun watching it! And because of that, I want to be part of it all! I mean, for one, they can get away with murder with just being their fabulous selves! Now, that's what I want! Haha, I mean, I don't sing great and I know my singing prowess(or lack of) is attributed to my confidence and stance so... having a show like this would really help me get away with my lack of pure talent MORE! cool, ey? =P

I swear, I reaallyyy want to be part of all the action! It's super fun! I love how the celebrities are having fun themselves. It's something a random and adventurous girl like me would enjoy. Yeah... Me wants to be a celebrity NOW.

Y'know what's another great thing?? My darling Tim Yap is there! hahaha! Y'know, I really have a huge crush on that guy! I can't even understand it. It's like he's one of the very, very, very, very few chinitos I have the hots for. I was staring at him the whole show and I swear, I look at him and I melt. He's toooo hot! I don't even wish him to be anything than he is right now. I don't care if people say he's metrosexual or worse gay, I just don't care! He's perfect the way he is. I liked him back in 3rd year because of his cute looks and personality and I still admire him for the same reason. My only wish is to know him personally. Even to just be introduced to him! Wow, that would be heaven.

Well, in the end, I just have to say that I love the show. It's great! I'm rooting for Tim (of course) and Dr. Hayden (super cute too!). I love the others too but it's a contest and everyone always has favorites. They're mine, so there!

Help me support them, okay? Just text Duets (space) Tim/Hayden/Tessa to 367 for Smart/Talk and Text subscribers and 2344 for Globe =)

I mean, if I can't be a celebrity now, then I'm going for the next best thing. *wink!

Oh Happy Day!

2007-08-23T23:20:00.000+08:00

current addiction: installing programs in my pc
playlist favorite: hallelujah- Paramore

Wowee. I am still in awe with this day. Why?? Co'z mama got me a new phone! wow.

Okay, call me superficial and materialistic but I really feel happy about my new phone. Not so much that it's new (well, partly) but more of how spontaneous it was. Hahaha! I mean, I didn't even need to nag her about it! I said I liked that unit and ta-dah! She got it for me! ooohhh! She really is royalty of spontaneity! Oh hail the queen of cool! =P

yeah, I am sooo lovin' it! It's perfect! It feels and looks great! wahoo! kiss, kiss!

yeah baby! This is the phone for meeee!!! looks great with my nails, yes? *wink!

like hello? haha, I'm sooo excited for my first call! wonder who it'll be from. hmm...

Yeheyyy! And you know what's one of the best things that happened?? I got Missy back! Remember her?

death of Missy back in... November(?) 2007.

Now...

Missy's made a comeback thanks to my dear Mama!

Y'know what's fun about this?? Not only is Missy back but her photo was also taken using my new d9! Ooowee! See how the picture quality is oh-so-good?? haha, I am sooo excited to use it already! weeee! =P

Yay,yay,yay! Well, that's basically it! I just wanted to share my joy because I'm really happy about it. Hahaha! bye, bye people! I wish you all happiness too! Hang in there! *kiss,kiss!

Missed me?

2007-08-20T20:51:00.000+08:00

current addiction: pigging out

playlist favorite: when it rains (gaah, total LSS!)

Well, did you? Did you?? --or have you had enough of my nagging and petty child talk?? hahaha! I bet not co'z you're still here! Still reading my entry. *sticks tongue out*

Anyhow, don't feel too ashamed to say yes because I sure did miss you! Yeah baby! I MISSED YOU!-- all 30 million of you! hahaha!

Well, what happened to me?? I went to Disneyland Hong Kong.

Weh? ASA!

Dia was just teasing us how we have a really long vacation because of the suspension of classes and how we could go to Hongkong for the weekend. Yes, it made perfect sense!-- erm, disregarding the fact that Hongkong is feeling the wrath of Egay too. haha!

Oh well... so much for our fancyful plans! Back to reality!

What REALLY happened was that I didn't have internet connection for about a week because we didn't have a phone line. Yeah, good ol' Globelines was victim to all the typhoon hubbadubba and so I had to painfully spend my "vacation days" without my trusty websites and webfriends. Argh. Well, at least I got all the rest and lounge time I needed-- yeah, makin it... SEMI-fun.

I was planning to do a new layout (like I haven't been trying to since forever!) but because I was craving to go online, I couldn't concentrate on anything else that involved the computer! It was literally killing me! I had to keep myself from using it so I wouldn't crave too much and throw a tantrum or somethin. ahaha. Well, I succeeded!--although the downside was, I spent my time eating making me gain like 5 pounds. nyeh! hahaha! I don't know, I just am really cautious these days because I reallyyyy want to have abs and because of all my pigging out, I'm back to square one again. Gaaah! I want! I want! Oh six-pack when will I ever lay eyes on you?? *drama mode*

Anyway, I'm still happy overall esp. with our company interviews. We've already gone to Sony BMG and Sitel last Friday completing our scheduled meetings! yehey! Hooray for us! So add to that Nissan and Philamlife and what do you have?!? A report! hahaha! Well, I was really happy with the Sony thing because it was sooooo professional! He was even scary! We were so nervous the whole time but thank God for our Orcom background, we were able to pull off a decent interview! yay!

Sitel on the other hand is a different story! Gaaahhh!!! I can't describe just how shocked I was at how many CUTE guys there were in that building! And I don't just mean CUTE! They were really the kind you'd love to bring home to your moms!--yknow, intelligent-looking, handsome, decent and... rich! hahaha! Hey, call center guys get large salaries, yes? *bats eyelashes*

Woohoo! Well, that's my week in a nutshell--erm, maybe part of it. I'm just really happy to be back in the webworld that I just needed to post something, anything! I really did miss you guys sooo much! It's unbelievable how the loss of internet has made me really sad but we have to accept the new truth that technology can indeed make a man cripple.

*I had a "ask me anything night" in y!messenger and boy was it lots of fun! Really, the questions they asked varied from the petty ones like How I was doing to the really deep like when will the world end, but overall, it made me really happy. Answering people's questions no matter how shallow or deep it is gave me a sense of concreteness-- like I knew exactly what I felt and how I would react to something. It's really very cool. I honestly had loads of fun. So... I'm making it a tradition to stage an "ask me anything night" every fortnight (2 weeks for laymen out there). Wowee! I can't wait 'til my next one! yeheyyy!

Digg-er!

2007-08-13T23:53:00.001+08:00

current addiction: classics
playlist favorite: Dig- Incubus

No matter how we try....We all have someone that digs at us

Yeah, you may not believe me at once but I swear, it's true. We're always gripping about how we look ugly or that we're not good enough but somewhere, somehow... someone actually sees us as the apple of his eye.

That's what I believe and I think it is actually quite accurate. I mean, there are moments when I would stop and suddenly admire how a classmate actually looks really good or how he/she has this certain glow or something and for a moment, I admire him/her. See? Now how many times has this happened to you? Count them, triple it and voila! That's the number of times people reacted the same way to you too. =)

yiheeee!

hahaha! But seriously, no matter how we try to keep people from admiring us, there will always be someone who digs at us. The only difference is whether we dig them too, right? Sooo... basically, it falls down to the cliche that people look for love. We're all looking that's why we can't find it. We're all going around aimlessly in circles but if we'd only stop, maybe love will finally find us worthy and direct our course.

Deep, huh?

Ha! Only comes once in a blue moon so excuse the insane outbursts of philosophies. =P

Okay, back to what I was saying... so, I say just enjoy yourself! Be happy all the time because someone might be falling in love with your smile! We all have things that make us lovable to someone else and if we'd only stop and be ourselves more, we might soon find ourselves selecting from a hoard of potential lovers. eww, yuck. =P

Oh well! In the end, all I can say is: Life's an eternal circle! Each is special to someone else, each heart belongs to another. Basically, We all dig each other! It's really a just matter of who buckles and admits it first. *wink!

Obsession du jour

2007-08-11T18:56:00.000+08:00

current addiction: model abs
playlist favorite: passenger seat- Stephen speaks

....co'z I'm always obsessed with something. haha!

Well, what am I obsessed about right now? two things: model abs and me.

nyeh!

No, seriously, I am! Actually, I had a talk about this with Soan and we were discussing about how I was "in love with myself". I mean, I am!-- not in the narcissistic kind of way but in a way that I feel so comfortable in my own skin and I actually enjoy being with me-- alone and carefree. Is there anything wrong with that?

Maybe what I'm saying is I'm actually being contented right now being alone (loveless, in particular) and enjoying how it feels so great to not bother about anything else! In a way it has given me a lot of time to stop and smell the flowers. I have been seeing a lot of good things about life and I have to admit, I have been really happy these past few weeks. I smile because of the rain, I smile when the wind blows my hair, I smile when I hear a great song, I smile when I walk gailely in sidewalks, yes, yes, I smile every single moment!-- maybe not on the outside, but I swear, my heart is grinning every single second of the day!

I love what I'm feeling! It's like I'm starting to get to know myself again and improving on areas that need improvement. Honestly, I missed how this felt. I missed how I could still manage a grin even in the most stressful situations. Wow, this really is my ephemeral bliss! Oh I hope it wouldn't have to end so soon...

Well, I had a great time with myself again today =) I went to Seattle's Best coffee, snuggled with a copy of Madame Bovary over my large cup of coffee and just let go! I spent two hours alone but just like in High school, that two hours felt like the happiest two hours of my life! Go couch! hahaha! Yeah, I snuggled in the couch, slouching all the way in front of the aircon and enjoying my book. Wow, I really missed doing that. Really.

After spending that time in SB, mama made me go to CCP so they can pick me up. Normally, I would have been really pissed because I had to exert effort in going there but this time, I was not! I even gladly went there with sparkling eyes! ahaha! The wind was in my hair, the atmosphere cool, everything looked so serene and I was singing passenger seat--boy did I feel reallyyy good!

*sighs* this is the best of times, really. I hope you guys could feel this way too, co'z it's rejuvenating. I think being contented is the key-- erm, maybe. ahaha! That's the only thing I could attribute all these to at the moment. I'll post as soon as I get a realization or somethin. *wink!

Okay! Now for my next obsession du jour: model abs! Gaahh! I swear, I am having major general fixation on model's abs! I have been watching a lot of Ftv lately and I often find myself drooling over all the models' flat and contoured tummies. How I wish I could have that! I'm trying to do my best by doing sit ups so wish me luck! hahaha! Oh! Have you seen the Victoria's Secret fashion show? Mahn is it sizzlinggg!!! I know it's outdated but I saw a replay of it the other night and I was in awe once again (add to that my current abs obsession and that makes for double awe in my part. =P) They sooo gorgeous! I wish I had body like that so I can walk the walk and be the next Victoria's secret model. hahaha! Ay. I forgot, you got to have big boobs, which uhm, I sort of... lack. poof!

Natasha Poly is the hotness don't you think? Even hotter than Giselle for me. haha. =P

I have also been drooling over swimwear from Movimento. It's this brazilian swimwear line that is soooo gorgeous! I want to wear them like NOW. Oh, scratch that!-- once I'd get abs to flaunt already. hahaha!

look at how her top flatters her small boobs! yeah, that's called the wonder bra--swimwear edition. hahaha!

This one, I'm totallyyyy diggin! It's super retro and funky and unique and, and, and, so... me! =P

I love the details on this one. It's young and hip but super sexy as well! wow.

There! I can't find images of the others I saw on the runway itself but these ones are really great too. Ackkk! I want my Movimentos NOW! Someone, ship 'em to me, please!!!

The Great Raid

2007-08-10T17:43:00.000+08:00

current addiction: eating
playlist favorite: Your guardian angel- rja

Today couldn't have been much more action packed!-- and when I mean action, I mean, ACTION. Ahahaha!

Why?? Because our great plan has been put into action! Yeah baby, our maid is no longer with us because we finally got her confession! How? Confrontation of course! Nothing beats good old fashioned direct to the point questioning. You'd be taken so much in surpise that you'd not know what to say but the truth! yeah, yeah, yeah! Clap, clap to the masters of this game: Ninang and Mama! *woohoo!

Well, we did squeeze out a confession from her and even if I barely had sleep (was still awake at 5am and woke up at 8am), I didn't feel sleepy at all! This is sooo much worth the eyebags! Anyhoo, I made her a confession document complete with all the legal jargon (I'm used to this with all the legal stuff I write for mama's taxi business). Omg! I swear, it was sooo much fun! It looked like a really serious document! Told yah, I was Elle Woods. ahahaha!

Anyhow, turns out our maid has stolen from mama a total of 10,400pesos. And guess what?? Aside from the money, she was stealing bags from me! From ME! I can't believe she shopped in my stash! The nerve of that girl!

Well, after her confession, we made her pull our her baggage and open it so we can check whatever it is she had hidden there. You won't believe how cunning she was! The way she hid the stuff she stole was so discrete, you'd think she's an expert on it!-- well, we don't really know for sure whether she is or isn't so...

After "the great raid"-- oh, before I forget, she even had the nerve to deny she stole something and claimed them as her own! Grr! Okay, back to what I was saying... after the raid, mama and ninang took her with them and sent her off to the province. hahaha! Told you they were spontaneous! The look of shock on her face was priceless I'm telling you, priceless!

Soo.... eventually I was left all alone in the house. What does a girl my age do when they're left home alone? Simple! Eat everything in the fridge, fart 'til the whole house stinks like a rat hole and sleep your way to dreamland, complete with chocolate stains on your tshirt! Cool, ey? =P

Yeheeyyy!!!-- oh no! I didn't do JUST that. I also became a little bit productive by calling Sony BMG and finally booking ourselves an interview! Yeheyy! Rockstars, here we come! Hahaha!

Oh well.. I'm feeling lonely now and yes, super lazy because I have an exam tomorrow (which I haven't studied for) and because I have to go wash the dishes and tend to other household chores now. Ugh. I miss having a maid. Aaahhh-te!!! Hahaha!

Well, I'm off now! Bye, bye people!

All hail your hotness!

2007-08-08T01:25:00.000+08:00

current addiction: writing
playlist favorite: your guardian angel- rja

OMG! I almost peed in my shorts because of this! Ladies and germs, I present to you, the really, uber, hhoooot... Prince Harry!

clickety click click for a bigger image! I know you want to! *wink!

Oooohhh!!! All hail the prince! Gaaah! I swear, I am in awe of this picture of him! I can't believe this is really him! I know I have always had the hots for him, I prefered him over William but damn! Now, I soooo want to have his baby! hahaha! =) Tsss! Sorry for the icky language, I am a bit deranged co'z I'm still hyper despite it being 2 in the morning already. Hahaha, I'm acting like I don't have a 7am class, no? Sooo like me.

Anyhow, I just had to share that with y'all co'z something that hot shouldn't be kept to yourself. Prince Harry is sizzling, I'm afraid he'll burn! Gaaah, I'm so cheesy.

Enough, enough!

Sorry, this is just what happens when you're loveless. The lack of lovelife makes me pathetic. Boo.

----edited---

What a morning I just had! Before I go rambling about it, let me compose myself first and begin at the start....

...I barely had any sleep because as my first post said, it was already 2am and I was still in hyper mode! Gaawwwd, I dunno why but I often feel giddy at night. Must be the rain... OR... someone might be dreaming of me! nyeh! hahaha!

Anyhow, I woke up at 5:30 even if I had a 7am class! Gosh, was I shocked! Argh! Oh well, Soan and I were texting co'z we wanted classes to be suspended. Haha! I was actually delaying my bath time because I soooo did not want to get wet co'z of the cold. Brrr! Oh well, in the end, I still found myself inside the bathroom freezing like a kitten and in a few minutes, in the car off to school. Argh. So much for our hopes of prolonged slumber!

Well, all the streets to Manila was flooded already. If you're a certified Manila citizen, you would know what I mean. I was already worrying about how I was supposed to go home this afternoon co'z the sidewalk was flooded too! Gaaahh! It was really disgusting and soooo unimaginable! UP was another story! They had to drop me off a few feet from the gate because it was flooded already. To help students get into the campus, they had these thin wooden and steel planks lined up at the gate. Gawd, was I shocked! I am sooo not used to walking on thin surfaces co'z I'm flat footed and just know I'd eventually end up falling. Can you imagine me face down on that muddy water? Yuck!

Well, I was barely even inside the lobby when they finally announced the suspension of classes. Perfect, ey? Argh, oh well, I still went to our class to find Mae, Yela and Pau's intarmed crushie already there. The scene was so typical-- rambling about the late suspension, nonstop texting, phones ringing, the works! In the end, we all decided to go home.

So Yela and Mae went ahead as I waited for my mom to pick me up. I sat at the lobby, chatted with Ate Chie for a while, saw John carrying his shoes (haha!), and finally, finally, saw my ex-crush! hahaha! At least I had a chance to smile--and I swear, the moment I met his eye, I was fighting back a really huge goofy grin. Hihi ;-)

Oh well... So mama decided to just drop me off the jeepney terminal in Cavite co'z she had to go to work. I agreed co'z I was dying to go home so any means would do. Well, I was seated near the door and this college guy seated next to me. The moment he went in the jeepney, he was already looking at me. I didn't mind it co'z maybe, just maybe, he found me pretty. Well... that was only half true.

About a quarter of the trip, I felt someone tugging the heart-shaped thingy of my bag. I suddenly became alert and aware of my surroundings. My thoughts of a hot bowl of noodles with egg was suddenly replaced by thoughts of what I should do in the next few seconds. At first I thought he was only flirting with me and enjoyed tugging the heart thingy but then I suddenly had the feeling he actually mistook that for the zipper of my bag. Well... I was right! I used my right arm to push down harder on my bag so it would lay really flat on my lap. Then suddenly, I felt him tugging harder. *gasp!* He really was planning to steal from me! Anyhow, I changed position again so the zipper of my bag would be in plain view. Ha! I'm not that stupid, sucker!

But noooo! He did not stop there! Since he could not get to my bag, he just resorted to playing pervert and started to caress the inside of my arm. Eff you, you orangemadderrr!!

Well, I really am not good when it comes to this things and I always find myself victim to sexual assaults. Yeah, I did not do anything about it. I mean, his action was sooo discrete that he might say I was assuming things. And also since it was too early for a public scandal, I just let it pass. He caressed my arm for a good 20 minutes. The first few seconds was really uncomfortable but as time went, it actually felt good. Hahaha! Gawd, this is so me to even see something good about this! But yeah, I admit, I was enjoying it. It was tickling me but not enough to make me laugh aloud. Ohmygawd! I'm sooooo bad with these stuff. But I actually had a really evil grin on me co'z I wanted him to feel that it was not affecting me. I'm tougher than what he thinks and won't budge!

*sighs* Y'know I'm really stupid with this stuff so you can scold me now.

Well, the only thing I did was look at him when I finally dismounted the jeepney. It was all I can do. At least I had a look at the guy. And guess what? When I looked, he was staring back! The nerve!!

I'd get him someday. I'd get all those people who have stolen from me, sexually assaulted me, cheated on me and done anything bad to me. I'd get them somehow. Yes, I'd have my revenge, one way or another, and then they'd regret having messed with me or another person in the first place. Remember:

I don't get mad.

I get even.

Careers for sale!

2007-08-07T18:43:00.001+08:00

current addiction: downloading games
playlist favorite: The prayer- Bloc party

I have always said that I want to be an ambassador. It is that one thing in my life that I have always been so certain of. It's like my childhood dream and one that I really see myself as wanting to be. But is foreign service really the path I ought to take?

No, don't get me wrong, I'm not having second thoughts or whatever. It's just that I kind of had the realization that my life is somehow planned out for me already. It's not a bad thing because it is afterall because of me that my life is so certain. I made the plans, I work in line with my goal. So in the end, it's really all me. It's just that I kind of got shocked at how everything's set in place when I'm actually the kind of girl who believes in taking chances and loves to go where the wind blows her. Well, apparently, I'm not that carefree.

Well maybe at some points I am like that. I mean, for one, where I went to school was never my decision, it has always been my mom's. The course on the other hand, is by me, because like I said, my goal has been set since the day I laid eyes on Amb. Luz del Mundo. I really don't care what happens in between in my life, all I know is, I need to reach my goal in the end.

My life has been set for me and I have planned so hard to be an ambassador. I took French lessons at Alliance Francais de manille, English speaking skills at Speechpower, harnessed my writing skills through the school paper bagging a couple of awards in the process and is now, taking a communication's course to enhance my coversational abilities. I mean, I am sooo equipped with the necessary tools to become the girl I dream to be. The only thing missing is my law degree and I'm really set!

But

Truth is, all these certainties and concrete plans is making me really scared. I'm scared that I might not get what I want. I don't want to get disappointed. I worked really hard for this. I want this.

I guess one of the things that's bothering me and making me feel scared is the fact that I feel like I want to do more. I want to be a businesswoman, an entrepreneur, an events manager, a restaurant cook and owner, a marketing rep for L'oreal, a magazine editor, the works! That's my problem. I see myself being happy in those positions sooo much just because that's me-- that's where my personality fits perfectly. Yes, I know, being an ambassador fits me in some ways too however, I feel like I want to do a lot of creative things first before finally settling for the boring, dark-suited world of Foreign affairs. But that's not part of my plan.

See why I feel so scared? I'm young! I want to live my life to the fullest while I still have time! But Foreign affairs also do not wait for anyone. It's now or never. It's a matter of choosing which path to take and praying that you make the best one.

It's sad to think that this day had to come-- when what used to be the source of my joy and the one thing that felt concrete to me is starting to make me unhappy. Now, I merely hold on to the belief that God hands you the right opportunities at the right time.

Lord, tonight make me unstoppable!

I will charm, I will slice

I will dazzle them with my wit!

And the great plan unfolds

2007-08-06T19:33:00.000+08:00

current addiction: camwhoring with soan and pau

playlist favorite: when it rains- paramore

(To the tune of the pink panther theme) Tenen tenen, toot toot toot toot. Tened tenen, toot toot toot tooot. *takes out magnifying lens* I spy... a cockroach! eeek!

Hahaha! Not that I'm really scared of cockroaches co'z I'm not. hahaha! Anyhow, why the detective-esque start? Co'z we're effin putting a big plan into action and it involves a crime! Yes people, you heard(?) me right! A crime! It doesn't have anything to do with all the gory, messy murder thingies. It's just a matter of losing something because someone took it. Everyone say, S-T-E-A-L-I-N-G! Hey, it's still a crime, right?

Anyway, the reason my family and I are plotting something is because we have just found out that our current maid is actually stealing money from us. Okay, in 3.

1...

2...

3...

everyone *gasp!* hahaha!

Well, it's really no biggie. Things like this happen all the time. It's just that we're being extra careful in carrying out our plan because we don't want her to know that we know. Well, we'll be sending her back to the province tomorrow and it may sound really rushed but in our family, everything happens spontaneously, so it's really no surprise.

Anyway, I'm scared and excited at the same time. Oohhh, the drama! The action! The intrigue! Tomorrow would be a really, reaaallyyy interesting day. hihihi;)

Well, aside from that juicy gossip about our maid, I guess nothing much happened to me that's worth blogging about. These past few days were spent lounging around, watching tv and finishing all my paperworks. I have been one very busy girl! Haayyy, actually what I have been really dying to do is make a new blog layout. I mean, hello?! I've been wanting to change layouts since classes began and it has already been two months but still no change. Argh. I just hate it that I can't find inspiration and when I did find myself being creative, I couldn't find the perfect images to use. Now, how am I supposed to do a layout then?? grr. Oh well, maybe it's not yet the time. The perfect layout and images will eventually land on my lap.... preferably, soon. ahaha!

Oh well, I feel a little under the weather today just co'z it's that time of month again. My migraine and asthma is kicking in full gear, and I hate it. Grr. I'm still being hopeful though because it's raining all the time and I still hold on to my belief that good things happen to me when it rains. And yes, it has not yet failed me. =)

Okay! I'm off now! Gonna go secure all my money and jewelries for tonight. I mean, I wouldn't want her to steal anything else the night before she leaves, right?

bye people!

Goodnight, tonight, goodnight!

My sentiments, exactly.

2007-08-04T01:30:00.000+08:00

current addiction: starting a new project

playlist favorite: before it's too late- goo goo dolls

"Do not settle for less than you are worth just because you are afraid that nothing better will ever come along"

when fiction meets the real

2007-08-02T23:36:00.000+08:00

current addiction: going insane
playlist favorite: girl all the bad guys want- bowling for soup

My friendster horoscope goes, "It's fine to have your head in the clouds today, but keep a foot in reality"

hahaha! really?? I should? no, but seriously, I think it's rather very accurate. ahaha! Well, I dunno, I feel like I've been really afloat the entire day with all the different emotions that I had. Since I know that giving you the full low down on my day would just produce a cauldron of mixed up situations and confusing emotions, I think it's best if I just list 'em down in fashionable order. =)

anger:

started my day feeling really agitated with my mom and so ended up binge drinking at school. Don't worry, it's not alcohol! I just drowned myself in caffeine and chocolate. ahaha! result? momentary stomachache. =P
JMA tambayan. I swear, this is my least favorite JMA applicant's task. Ugh. 25 hours?? you kidding?! I could barely stay for an hour! It's so draggingly boring and super duper hot!

sadness:

missed my eye candy today. argh. Not just that, I also missed driving and is feeling a bit sad about our driver leaving us. *sobs*
no hazelnut gelato in Green Tomato so I ended up eating darkchocolate orange with almonds which basically tasted like the orange filled chocolate cookies rampant in our elem days. Think: Hi-Ro, Cream-O, etc.
had that talk with Soan again today and in the end, I re-concretize my stand:

fear:

almost got caught by my mom going on a gimmick without her consent!

happiness:

got a lot of signatures for my JMA sig sheet. yay!
didn't get reprimanded today by our natsci prof. hahaha!
ate at Duke of York although the food was a total blah.
felt tiny gripes in my heart because of something-- haha, I think I'm being happy about that for the wrong reason. hahaha!
yay, no classes tomorrow!

There! My emotions segregated and classified! hahaha! My day has been really fun. I know that my friendster horoscope warns me to remain grounded in reality but at this moment, I feel like the fiction has finally seen the real.

yeah baby, Sooo deep! hahaha!

When it rains....

2007-07-30T20:35:00.000+08:00

current addiction: eating

playlist favorite: when it rains- Paramore

...everything sparkles and glitters like the hopeful eyes of tiny tots round the x'mas tree. =)

Oh the rain! How I love the rain! I have always believed that everything good happens to me when it rains.

It rained today.

And boy is today one of the happiest days of my life!

naks! hahaha! I dunno, maybe it was just the rain-- or maybe it was because I spent time with my freshman blockmates but somehow, I feel an unusual joy today. Yes, I can say I am happy-- regardless of the fact my mom scolded me this morning, our topic for panel discussion got all effed up, and my natsci prof scolded me for being noisy during his class. Gawd, water almost squirted out my nose on that last one! hahaha! It's funny when I recall it now but y'know the moment our prof called on "the girl in pink" (me), I was shocked beyond shocked. Like, I can't recall the last time I got reprimanded for being noisy. Haha, so gradeschool-ish don't you think? anyhow, let me take this opportunity to apologize to dear Soan. So sorry dear! I didn't mean to! I just recalled Taktak's face when mucus came out of his nose. Eww. Too disgusting to keep to myself. Hahaha!

Gawd, do I feel so hyper right now. I keep singing, running to and fro, talking to almost everyone on my ym list, gosh, will I ever stop? Haha, I don't want to bother at all co'z I like what I'm feeling, it's been a while since I last felt this carefree and frankly, I missed this. =)

I don't really know why everything good that happens to me happens when it rains. Yes, maybe it's psychological too but frankly, I don't care. I like believing that idea. It makes me anticipate the rainy season more. It gives me hope that after days and months of humid, dry weather, the sky will open up and finally shower us, mortals, huge droplets of heaven in disguise. ^_^

With every drop, I taste bliss.

Yes, nothing could compare to this!

Cinema-free!

2007-07-29T00:55:00.000+08:00

current addiction: cinemalaya shows
playlist favorite: one look- Kjwan

It only happens once a year that I get to watch movies non-stop for one whole week and guys, I'm so proud to tell you that today, I hit my ultimate high by watching a whooping NINE Cinemalaya flicks! whoopdedoo!

I love that I was able to maximize my movie viewing this week because my exams and other major requirements were moved to next week! yehey! :)

So, to somehow summarize my cinemalaya watching stint, let me try to give a brief description of movies using one liners. haha! I've got the gift of one liners, and you've got the curse of curves...

Cinematography: superb, story: it's about a goat? what do you expect? meeeh!

as predictable as the end of your contract

ang pagdadalaga ni maximo oliveros part 2!

good actors, BAD story! Ever heard of fadeout dear?

wonder who the audience is... pisay studs ONLY? ugh.

brilliant beyond words

as real as life can get.

Squatter Punk-

guitar feedback! ack!

Ataul for rent-

what's new? predictable much.

There! Haha, sorry for the harsh words on the others. Just bear in mind that these commentaries are highly based on MY own perception of the films. It's up to you to watch it yourself and come up with your own comments but then, I'm giving you a heads-up already so you'd know what to expect. Hahaha! =)

Anyhow, Cinemalaya 2007 is the most memorable so far because of a couple of things:

1. Friends! This year, I watched the shows with a lot of friends as compared to the past when I used to watch shows alone. Hahaha, pathetic much? =P It really is better to go on a gimmick with a friend than alone because it is a lot more fun-ner. People I was with this year: Soan, Pau, Kaia, Mae, and Kaye =)

2. Marathons! This is the year too that I got to watch Cinemalaya shows the whole day! Yeah! Soan and I even watched on Friday when we didn't have classes then. Hahaha! All the free time I had, I used to watch a film. Yeah, go,go, Cinemalaya! =)

3. Eye-candy! Omg! I can't believe I finally found my genius bad boy! Goodness! Soan and I were only joking around saying it would be fun to look for a guy at Cinemalaya co'z the guys there were the intellectual-slash-rich-slash-cultured type of guys. Now, who wouldn't want to bag one of those kinds?? hahaha! Anyhow, I can't describe him a lot. He's just my prince! He had everything I'm looking for in a guy: tisoy, tall, rocker-ish/bad boy looking, clean, rich, & 'intellectual'! Goodness! I still can't believe how he perfectly fits my ideal guy description. Could this be it? Have I finally seen a glimpse of my "the one"?

Now, all I have to do is look for him again. Nyeh!

Oh gawd, am I hopeless!

Well, at least it feels good knowing that he exists. That all my efforts of looking for him are not entirely futile. phew! yeah baby, I have renewed hope!

One look, and I'm mesmerized by your eyes...

Well, that's it! My cinemalaya experience in a nutshell! I have been really tired the whole week and have been putting off a lot of my tasks as long as I can. Now, it's back to reality! Argh! Well, at least I had fun! yipee! =) Can't wait for Cinemalaya '08! Hope this time I could finally star in one of those flicks. Haha Ninin, A-S-A!

Of coffee and forevers

2007-07-26T02:09:00.000+08:00

current addiction: coffee!
playlist favorite: Rockabye- Shawn Mullin

What is forever?

In the words of Lord Henry, 'To define is to Limit' so I will not go on rambling about years, emotions or whatever factor is in play in 'forever'. All I can say is:

I believe in forever-- whatever forever may mean. =)

Yes! I am sentimental and mushy like that. Call me superficial! Call me unrealistic! Heck, even call me stupid! It's just that I do. I simply do.

So why all the mushiness? I blame the caffeine.

Haha, I always blame something else for things happening in my life, don't I? Well, it's just the rule of attribution. Period.

Anyhoo, I just feel really happy at this moment because I can see that things are slowly falling into their own place. Yes, not everything is perfect, but I guess it's the little things that gives me so much joy. I'm starting to get my life back on track--mending broken hearts, rekindling relationships--basically starting fresh. I guess in a way, I have learned that you can be happy being alone (fine, single) and that you can have the best of both worlds in terms of your relationships. Enough about lack of communication, confusions, prioritizing issues, and all that other crap. It's about contentment and initiative at the same time. Basically...

It's about seeing the big picture--together with all its flaws and whatnots.

yes, time to start fresh!

I'd like to know if you'd be open

to starting over from SCRATCH?...

*sighs* Really, I am so overwhelmed with happiness-- or maybe it's not the right term. I think it's more of relief that I haven't completely lost it all. No more tears. No more tears. Just hope.

Gawd, I can't believe all those coffee has made me like this! I should drink more coffee then! ahahaha! No, seriously I drank more than my average dosage today. Just two cups but then it was "branded" coffee so I feel like I drank a lot more than usual. Oooh! About the coffee! I have to say, I really do love Seattle's best coffee more than Starbucks. I have always been saying that but with all my Starbucks escapades I sort of forgot that little bit of information for a while but after today, I am again a convert! hahaha! Shucks, Seattle's best coffee's Almond Mocha Joy really do live up to its name! It still gives me the unusual happiness it has given me back in my high school days. I used to sip coffee alone in there but I dunno... I never felt alone then. I had my good ol' cup of caffeine and to me, I had the entire world in my hands. =P

Anyway, I had my coffee, my salad, my cinnamon bun, my friends and Cinemalaya movies all day, I mean, what more can I ask for? a guy. Nyeh! hahaha! Kidding! =P

Well, to end this post, I'd just like to leave a simple message to you all:

You may not believe in forevers but believe in todays.

Have faith.

God moves in mysterious ways.

Like water for salt

2007-07-23T21:18:00.000+08:00

current addiction: eating out
playlist favorite: Fences- Paramore

Loud music reverberates. Buzz! A message arrived. There's no air. Sweat trickles. There's no other person around. Just the computer. Just the computer. The computer... and then, there's me.

It's another of my unusual dramatic nights. I blame the star-studded sky and my mondate with Soan. I dunno, but I suddenly felt really sad. Nostalgic is the right term. Yes, I am again sucked into the bittersweet world that is my past.

I don't really want to delve too much but I guess I just feel sad that I no longer am in touch with a lot of my really lovely high school friends. It makes me really sad to merely reminisce about them now and even sadder to think that this is what became of us.

All our shared dreams, passions, promises, where are they now? What happened to them? It feels so surreal that I have to keep reminding myself that High school did happen. I did meet them. We really did share something special then.

Water on cheeks. I taste salt. My vision... Why all the haze? Water. Flowing like falls. What is this? Wait. It won't stop. It won't stop! Make it stop! Make it stop!

Is it really inevitable? Can't friendship be forever? Why must communication, distance, consistency be a barrier? I miss them. I really do. I hate reminiscing. It only means I am longing. It only rubs in the fact that I no longer have new memories with them. All I have is the past.

I know that I am also guilty here. I let this happen. And yes, maybe that's why I feel so bad about it-- because I didn't do anything to stop it. I apologize so much to my dear best friend because I wasn't there when she needed me most. I know I should have been because she has always been there for me. I am so sorry Rea. I owe you a lot and I really miss you... I often dream about her. She permeates my subconscious but I never had the initiative to ask her how's she's doing. I have not been a good best friend to her. I wasn't there. I simply wasn't there.

I miss my HS barkada too. The rockabyebabez, Cosio, Abby, and Dani. They were the ones who served as my breather from all the hectic schoolwork. They were my best critics and supporters. I miss hanging out with them. I miss them truly. I am sorry too for being so passive and letting our friendship wane. I failed to keep in touch. I failed.

There are still a lot of people I miss but my head hurts too much. Regret is taking over me. It's killing me slowly. I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I'm sorry.

Knock. Knock. Why is there knocking in my head? Who's there?! I know you're looking! Where are you? Stop knocking! Stop knocking! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!!!

Blackness. Where am I?

Who are you?

Paint meister

2007-07-22T22:08:00.000+08:00

current addiction: photoshop
playlist favorite: Let the flames begin- Paramore

News circulated that we had no classes tomorrow. Turns out, it was just a lie. I was so stupid to believe it and totally disregard my responsibilities. Ugh.

I believe there is hope, buried beneath it all...

Rararara! I am soo hating this! Why get my hopes up just to let me down?? Poo.

Okay, enough. I'll just share with you guys the stuff that has been keeping me busy in Photoshop. Hihi;)

Here's the first one... I actually drew this one myself and then transferred it to Photoshop so I could trace the lines and make it "computer-made". I love this image simply cause she's a vampire. Hi Miggy! *blushes*Yihee! hahaha! =)

Here's the other one... I have made a lot of these kind of images but I don't really like 'em enough. I hate it that some pictures look good while others don't. Ugh. By the way, this is not me. It's Rachel Leigh Cook, in case you were wondering. ;-)

Well, that's it! I still have a lot to learn in Photoshop but I love that I am actually learning a lot from tinkering with it. What used to be mere curiosity has helped me evolved into a photoshop meister (not that I'm super knowledgeable already but still..)

All right. I better go back to work now. I have delayed doing our exploratory paper just co'z I was still hoping that we'd have no classes tomorrow. Ugh. Poof! goes my bubble!

September, I'm in love!

2007-07-21T04:00:00.001+08:00

current addiction: preparing for my case study report
playlist favorite: roses- meg and dia

Yeah baby! September is my new favorite month! Why?? Because it is officially the international concert month in the Philippines! Saw this a few hours ago:

clickety click click!

Switchfoot?? Ack! I want to go! Yes, yes, yes! Gawd, I am sooo torn! It's a Monday and I dunno if my mom would let me, besides I don't know who to go with! Argh!!! Hahaha, I miss concerts. Really, I do. I haven't had a decent concert in almost a year, the last was Rockestra 2006. I am sooo dying out here! I miss Switchfoot so much! They used to be my ultimate alternative pick back when Dashboard and Paramore was still inexistent. Gawd, do they bring back a lot of memories! Rar!

Anyhow, I say September's the ultimate concert month because Fallout boy's coming to Manila too! Yay! I soo wanted to watch this but then it falls on a Friday and I'm not sure I could do so since I have a Saturday class and my Saturday class is (for me) the most important major subject I have simply because our prof is so demanding and I wouldn't want to disappoint him. Hello, disappointment means cinco, y'know! hahaha!

Hmm... well, I still have a month to decide and to look for someone to go with me so I dunno... maybe I will go, or maybe not. Arrr....

Past revisited

2007-07-19T21:26:00.000+08:00

current addiction: photoshop
playlist favorite: Hear you me- Jimmy eat world

So....the Orcomsoc acquiantance party is done and over with. Although I basically spent about an hour there, I have to say that attending the party is something I don't regret doing. It was fun because the people who attended were down-to-earth and for me, imbibed the real traits of an Orcom student-- y'know, no airheadedness, just fun-loving, noisy people. Haha, I had to add noisy because we really are a bunch of very talkative individuals. =P

Anyhow, the real reason I was very happy with the party was because I got to see my ex-crush again (uyyy!). Haha, no really, please don't tease me 'bout it co'z I still blush when someone teases me about him. You can't blame me, really! He was my first "real boy" crush in UP and also after years of being in an exclusive school. I guess you can say, he's special. But I swear, he's a thing of the past now, I don't like him the way I used to.

Well, today was extra special because I finally heard him sing! Gawd, I wanted to die right then and there! If you only know just how long I waited to hear his singing voice! Well, how was it? Divine, darling. Simply divine!

It was after I left the party (in the middle of his song) that I realized that I sort of missed him... It's complicated how I lost attraction for him and it's a long story too. All I can say is, he had nothing to do with it. It's just me, I guess.

Still a little bit of your song in my ear,

Still a little bit of your words I long to hear...

...Yes, it's not hard to fall,

when you float like a cannonball...

Okay, okay, enough, enough. You might think I still have feelings for the boy which I say, I don't! I just missed him. I missed how it felt to like him-- how he used to be the apple of my eye. It really takes me back to the semi-uncomplicated days of my freshman year. Yes, I'm merely reminiscing... It's a good thing though because I've always been a believer that looking back at your past gets you equipped to face the future as a stronger, better person.

I revisited my past today, and yes, it brought back a lot of fond memories but at the end of the day, I have to say that I'm perfectly happy here in the future, merely reminiscing events and people that made my past the colorful painting that it is. Thank you for the inspiration my dear. You are and forever will be my dear cookie. =)

Poof!

2007-07-18T03:05:00.000+08:00

current addiction: drawing

playlist favorite: A plain morning- dc

...And there goes my bubble! Oohh, happy, happy, joy, joy!--not!

I really thought my day would be perfect for one, I didn't get any complications today (until now) and I also went shopping today (I mean, what could be better than that??) but then, here I am, feeling a bit miserable for things that are out of my control. Yeah, yeah, life is just like this. Bummer, isn't it?

It's just that I'm getting busier and busier and it's not helping that others are not exerting as much effort as necessary. I'm trying to do my best here but there is a fine line between irresponsibility and incompetence and right now, that line is getting thinner and thinner.

*sighs* Oh well, to get my mind off those now, let me just list down some stuff that sort of excites me:

managed to get myself three bags! woohoo! Mama is the greatest! She really spoils me and I am sooo lovin' it!
The orcomson acquiantance party is today. Nyay. party! This is our first time ever to go and I dunno whether to get excited or not. One thing's for sure, I am sooo not likin' the theme! It's so outdated. Military?? Soooo last year! Nautical/Navy is the fad now, darling!
OC142 report. Gaaahhh!!! It's so scareeyyy!!! But of course, it's only about being prepared for anything. Practice is key! Well, if I screw up, at least I know I looked good. nyeh! hahaha!
Reese's peanut butter cups. Nothing excites me more than going home to a blissful, tasty cup of good 'ol Reese's. =)

There! It sort of made me feel better. I just hope I could hang in there and turn everything around again...

random thought (because I am so random):

...gaaah! I'm still bothered by my bangs! I really hate it and love it. It's soooo annoying! I hate feeling like I have to fix it all the time! See, I'm the kind of girl that doesn't really like to give a damn on her hair. I'm the type who brushes my hair in the morning and doesn't do so again until brunch or lunch time. I want it to be simple, No fuss! But with my bangs, I feel like I look stupid already without me noticing so I have to constantly touch it and fix it a certain way (yun pa, I don't know how!) Argh! I'm just glad it's fake and is rather long. Go hair! Help me get rid of my bangs fast!

Okay? All right! I'm done. Excuse the messy post. My mind's all over the place right now. Argh, I am so hating this.

Bumblebee

2007-07-17T21:53:00.000+08:00

current addiction: sleeping

playlist favorite: What I've done- Linkin Park

Buzzz... buzzz... buzzz... Shoot! I can't believe how busy I have been this past hour! It's unbelievable! I know it's fun in a way but then it kind of rubbed in on me that I am indeed back in school. Shucks, I'm starting to get really busy!

I love the feeling though. I really get an unusual joy whenever I'm cramming or running off to finish a task or whatever. Yeah, I'm weird like that. Haha, and to think I still have time to stop and blog for a while. Hahaha! Talk about prioritizing! ahaha!

Oh well. I'm done! I have to go rest now and read up on our Case study. Case studies are fun, I feel like I'm a lawyer or something. Ooohh.. could this be it? Could I be the next Elle Woods?

Yes. Definitely!

starry, starry, night

2007-07-16T21:49:00.001+08:00

current addiction: playing the mp3 compilation I made ^_^
playlist favorite: It Ends tonight- all- american rejects

Have you seen the stars tonight? You should, y'know! Tonight is one of the most beautiful star-studded nights I have ever seen! Trust me on this co'z I have seen a lot of star-studded nights my whole life. It's a little something I picked up growing alone as an only child. Let's just say the stars were and are my best friends. =)

I generally had a great day but I think one of the highlights of it was when I lounged around inside our car and listened to mp3s again while gazing at the stars. Yeah, it was the best! It really made me feel like "me" again. I missed doing that and believing that I am safe and invincible. There really is something about me and being in the driver's seat of a car that just makes me feel all excited! Go figure!

So... how's my bangs? (haha, told yah I'm it's driving me crazy) Well, people have seen it, some liked it while others didn't give a damn. As for me, it's still a love-hate relationship. Poo. I look Korean. Yeah, Pau has already told me that but I really, really, realized how much I look like 'em when I found myself face-to-face with a Korean girl. Dang, I thought she was me! hahaha!

Anyhow, mama and I went shopping today. I was actually debating on whether to go with her or with Soapie and watch Harry Potter. Well, I ended my dilemma by my trusted pulling of paper, and voila! I went with my mom. haha! I didn't regret it though! I love shopping with mama! She bought me two dresses and my business attire. yehey! I super love my business attire because it was destiny that led me to it! Goodness! I feel so much like Elle Woods!

It was really funny co'z I really wanted to wear a dress. But then when we couldn't find anything, I chanced upon this lovely store where the owner was very helpful and handed me this lovely top and skirt to try on. Gawd, was it perfect! My mom loved it so much because she said it made me look like Elle Woods (Legally Blonde). She knows how I adore that movie and she was kiddin' me the whole time how I should wear my hot pink pumps and bring Almond to school. Haha! Well, I will be wearing my pink pumps but as for Almond, he's better off at home. haha!

My outfit really resembles this one on Elle except for the colors. Oh gawd, I love it so much! My outfit actually reminds me of the moment Elle went in the courtroom as the counsel for the trial. Oooohh, hotness! Hail Elle Woods!

Hahaha, I'm so loco, ain't I? haha. Anyway, I better end this post now. I need to get my beauty rest so I can be as pretty as Elle. Ninang's coming home from her trip tomorrow and we're bound to go to Dutyfree. yay, more shopping! =)

Vivian: Nice outfit.
Elle: Oh, I like your outfit too, except when I dress up as a frigid bitch, I try not to look so constipated.

hahaha! Love it, love it, love it! Oh darling Elle, you are my hero!

hey, hearty!

2007-07-15T19:38:00.000+08:00

current addiction: heroes. yah-taah!
playlist favorite: Perfectly- Huckapoo

Ugh! Here I go again obsessing with my hair. Oh dear, I swear, I am such a frantic perfectionist. It's just that people are getting excited to see my new 'do. Gawd, how will they react?? Shucks. I really hate myself. I hate being spontaneous. I hate being so gullible. I hate being a control-freak. Most of all, I hate all this regret!

I dunno. Am I really regretting? I honestly don't know how to classify my feelings anymore. Like, part of me doesn't care, while the other part is super scared of how others would find it. I'm hating that I hate it. Get it? ugh! You know, you don't have to understand me. I know I'm pretty weird.

Anyhow, since I'm getting frantic, I decided to google images of people having the same face shape as I (heart), and I chanced upon, the ghost whisperer herself, Jennifer Love Hewitt! Wow. So, that's why I always thought having straight bangs would look good on me! hahaha. a-s-a.

Anyway, I really see myself in Jen simply co'z she too can style her bangs straight, side-swept, and even sometimes completely hide them! I now draw inspiration from her. Go, Jen!

Oh, never mind Jen's boobs on the second picture. I know it's distracting and all but we can't blame her for being so... gifted.

Well, I say a huge shoutout to all the heart-shaped face hotties out there! I, for one, luuurrve our face shape. I super adore our really dramatic cheekbones. It has always been my favorite. haha!

There! I feel a tad bit better now. I'll try to forget about my bangs for a while and focus on other things, like, school. haha, what about school?? Erm... whatever. Let's just say I'm trying to get my mind off reality.

Yes! That's it! I'll forget it! Today, I am not Ninin, college girl. Today, I am Ninin, goddess extraordinaire!

In the words of Hiro Nakamura, Ya-tah!!!

*gulp* I think I'm getting neurotic.

Save.

Me.

Please.

Bang bang boom!

2007-07-14T08:55:00.001+08:00

current addiction: heroes marathon
playlist favorite: crushcrushcrush- paramore

Bangs. Bangs, baby, bangs. I just got bangs. The verdict?

Curiosity killed the cat.

With that said, I die. Poo. Okay, I'm exaggerating(again), my bangs ain't that bad. For one, they're just fake bangs, y'know, just one sided. But thing is, when I played with it last night, I found out it can actually be transformed into different styles: left sided, right sided, straight, then the original "fake" bangs. Argh. I dunno. I sort of regret it co'z it's such a nuisance. I'm getting confused with all the different styles I can change it to. Ugh. My cousin on the other hand (who I got envious of), thinks my bangs are great since I can change it any style I want, depending on my mood. She likes it, it makes me look rocker-ish daw. *sighs* Well, maybe Soan is right, I'm just not used to it.

Haha, I'm still not used looking at myself even in pictures! I like the second one, co'z that's me! That's how I've always seen myself, the other three, are... different. Thank God, I just got fake bangs. At least I can sort of hide them when I want to. But y'know what, yesterday, I was already tempted to cut them straight across the forehead. Hahaha!

Anyhow, I can't regret so much since I already did it, plus, I was telling myself then that I wanted it anyway. At least now, I won't be wondering anymore. I did it! It's just hair. Besides, I think I need a little change so I can feel rejuvenated. Now, I got that change.

Next time though, I promise I won't get envious of people getting haircuts. It gets me into trouble! Yes Kym, I'm blaming you! hahaha! I'm kidding. Nyay.

Oh well. It's done. No use crying over it(not that I'm really crying). I think I'm just really scared of how others would react to it. I mean, I don't want to look silly! This is something really new for me and I don't know... argh. Well, maybe that's it. I really don't need to know. I think cutting myself bangs sort of ended my traditionality-- y'know, my sort of perfectionism. I want things to be in their right place all the time, I want to be able to predict consequences, I always want to be on top of the game, however, now, I feel like I'm letting go, being more carefree.

Shucks, are you listening to yourself Ninin?? It's just hair for crying out loud! Argh. This is so me, to turn such a really petty thing into something big. Poo.

Well, you don't have to keep on listening to me ramble garbage. I'll spare you the waste of time by shutting up in, 5...4...3...2...1.

Boom, baby.

Gateway baby!

2007-07-12T22:20:00.000+08:00

current addiction: my riot! cd
playlist favorite: for a pessimist, I'm pretty optimistic- paramore

I've been practically all over the Metro these past few days. I'm starting to be back to my ultra gala-era self. I dunno. I just really enjoy going to different places, seeing different sets of people and being in a new environment. Actually, to tell you the truth, I feel more like "me" when I'm out "socializing" than when I'm in school. Erm.. go figure! I really don't get it too. hahaha!

Well, after my Glorietta escapade with Soan on Monday, we found ourselves once again itching to go on a trip! Yeah baby! Our sexy tush-es were suddenly transported to LRT1 headed for Araneta Center-Cubao. Hahaha! Can you say, Gateway? =P

Well, as a first timer, I have to say, Gateway disappointed me. I really didn't expect it to be so, how do say it? hmm... ordinary. Nothing special. Really.

But then, I have to hand it to them for the mall itself was really clean and sort of smelled "rich", if you know what I mean. hahaha! Anyway, we couldn't decide on any place to eat so we ended up stuffing our mouths with pancake house' mango crepe while I partnered it with a cup of hot chocolate. Oooohh! I tell you, I have extremely weird preference for food. I easily get bored with something so I can't have only one kind of taste in my meal. With the crepe, I took one bite then had a teaspoon of hot choco and the process went on like that. I just really like having different textures and even temperatures of food in my mouth at the same time. I'm weird like that. haha! And yeah, I like a lot of choices but I often end up, not finishing one course, having only nibblets of every single viand.

Variety is key baby, variety.

Anyhow, after leaving Gateway, I stayed in Robmla (it's a long story). I then looked for a business attire I could wear for my report in Orcom 142. I honestly didn't know what to look for! I hated boring outfits however the innovative ones were teetering between business-looking and casual. Argh. I was sooo torn! So, what did I get? Nothing. Hahaha! Ain't I great?? Boo-hoo! I practically spent my money buying a book and a magazine which I really didn't need. Yeah, I'm such a loser like that! grr.

Oh well. Whatever. I feel really tired now. I'm going to the doctor tomorrow for my check-up co'z like I said, I'm always sick when evenings come. Weird.

p.s. I hate stalkers. Honestly, I do. Huge question is, why am I always become target? story on my next post. hang in there!

2007-07-11T01:05:00.000+08:00

current addiction: eating out and listening to my riot! cd

playlist favorite: That's what you get- Paramore

Argh. I don't feel comfortable blogging because something's wrong with blogger and I can't post a title. Ugh. Perfectionist, much? yeah, yeah, it's a curse.

Anyhow, I'm still awake now co'z I don't feel sleepy at all! I think I'm going to stick it out and just try to be productive. I'm a bit bothered co'z Almond's at the vet. He's confined co'z he's too sick. Turns out his immune system is not as strong as I want it to be. The doctor is concerned that he might not make it. *sobs* But no, I think he's strong. As long as he's in the trusty, good hands of a veterinarian, I know nothing bad would happen to him.

Anyway, I had a really great day yesterday because of two reasons: my Riot! cd and Max Brenner escapade with Soan =)

Gawd, I can't believe I really have a Riot! cd already! I mean, hello?! I just got my All we know is falling cd like two weeks ago and now, I got their second cd already, how cool is that?? Wow. I really am getting addicted to them, aren't I? hahaha! Yeah, I admit, I just really love them. There's something about Paramore that makes everything bad disappear. I love Hayley's personality a lot that sometimes I feel like I know her personally or something even if truth is, I only know really, really, surface info about her(heck, I don't even know her birthdate! err--except for the month). Anyhow, thank you Soan for being my ultimate partner in crime and accompanying me to Landmark! I really, really, love you for helping me get that Cd! *mwah, mwah darling!*

Well, like I said, another source of my joy was Soan and I's date at Max Brenner. Chocolate. Need I say more? hahaha. Okay, okay, let me expound... first, if you have any fascination whatsoever with bald men, Max Brenner's would be heaven for you! All the waiters and other male attendants are bald! Second, don't count so much on their food co'z it's not their specialty. You'd just burn a hole in your pocket with courses that won't even whet your appetite. Drat. Oh well, you could always count on their chocolate selection to uplift your spirit once more. =) Back to what I was saying.... third, don't go there unless you've brought a lot of cash or is equipped with daddy's credit card. Hahaha! No, seriously, don't even attempt it! Soan and I's bill amounted to php1,003. Whoa. That would have been enough to pay for 4 hours at Red Box! Oh well, I guess the chocolate made it worth it. haha.

Well, I'm tired now. There are a lot of things on my mind but because blogger's not cooperating and I'm really bothered that this post doesn't have a title, I'll leave that to later entries. Goodbye y'all! mwaah! =)

Yahoo!

2007-07-04T19:04:00.000+08:00

current addiction: playing with almond and mocha
playlist favorite: makes me wonder- maroon 5

Thank you, thank you all for your prayers! My pups are now doing much, much better! I was so shocked to see that they're eating now! Yeah baby! Hooray! =) If you could only see Almond, I bet you'd laugh really hard. It looks like he was inflated like a balloon or something. He's really fat! Gawd, I love eet so much! I can't describe just how happy I am that they're finally recovering! Whoopdedoo! =)

Anyhow, since I was feeling really happy and goofy at the same time, I decided to create my own Simpson. Hahaha! Guys, say hello to the newest citizen of Springfield, Ninin Simpson! Believe it or not, I'm the long lost daughter of Homer when he had a short fling with a hot Asian babe back in '89. Nyeh. hahaha!

To make your own, go here: http://www.simpsonsmovie.com

Don't you just love it?? I've always wanted to have Orange hair, and now I do! Hahaha! Try making your own Simpsons avatar and then tag me here so I can see it, okay? Love y'all! mwah! ^_^

Puppy Update

2007-07-03T02:05:00.000+08:00

current addiction: tending to my pups

playlist favorite: Big girls dont cry- Fergie

So how's my pups you may ask? Well, they're doing better, I guess. Hahaha! Mama brought them to the vet yesterday and they were given shots (again). They're still not eating but at least they've been given medicine and vitamins. Yeah, they're recovering all right. =)

Yesterday, I felt much like a puppy myself. I too laid around all day and slept. hahaha! I woke up early, watched tv but as noon came, I suddenly found myself being lulled to dreamland. Nyay. Told yah I've been sleeping a lot lately-- which I think is a very good thing. haha!

Oh well, here I am again, at 2am typing this post because I haven't read a thing for my class this afternoon. We have a quiz so no chance of skipping the arduous task of reading another pile of handouts. Ugh.

Hmm... just a thought, mama really is bad with names. I proved that again moments ago when I decided to google the breed of Mocha, Irish Shepherd. Err, nothing matched! Turns out, she's an Irish Setter. Hahaha! This is so like my mom! Just like she said that Almond is a Japanese Pitz
instead of Spitz. Or even the time that she mistook a friend of mine for another guy and started to spread rumors about how he's now married. Mama! hahaha!

Well, that's all. I have to go back to reading now. Please continue to pray for my pups, okay? I know they're strong-- mana sila sa'kin eh. *wink!

Don't give up on me please...

2007-07-01T16:48:00.000+08:00

current addiction: eating

playlist favorite: Born for this- Paramore

Before you think of anything else, no, it's not for a guy. I'm so over those mushy stuff already. The day I cut my hair was the day I got over pitying myself for all that love crap. haha! Anyhow, I'm talking about my two little pups. Guys, I am so sad to say that my pups are sick. =(

I sorta hate this feeling-- y'know, helplessness. It's so hard to take care of two little dogs. They're a pain when it comes to drinking meds. It's super hard! It so hard too co'z I dunno what to do anymore. They're not eating nor drinking. They don't want to take their meds too. What should I do??? Gawd. I know I said that I wanted a little baby to take care of but I think I have to take that back now. *sighs*

I feel so worried about Mocha. She's too frail. I'm super worried that the stress is getting to her already. I feel for her but I dunno what to do to make her feel better. Oh please, don't give up on me... I'm trying here... I really am. =(

Anyhow, I ask for your prayers. I want them to be energetic again. I want to enjoy playing with them. I really want them to be better... Please pray for my dear Almond and Mocha. For now, I can only trust God to ask them to keep holding on to dear life...

Happy much?

2007-06-30T22:26:00.000+08:00

current addiction: eating, playing with almond and mocha

playlist favorite: eternal flame

This day didn't start off on a good foot. In fact, I didn't think it would be great at all! For one, I hardly had any sleep (err--I didn't at all) because I made myself finish reading the handouts our prof required. and Second, our prof for our Saturday class was rumored to be really scary (I don't know co'z the first meeting with him, I was in Iloilo). Well, I was acting really goofy the whole time at school (as what happens everytime I lack sleep) and wasn't in my right mind the entire time. That's why it really came as a surprise to me when I was still able to recite in class!-- and to think our prof there was supposed to be really scary! Turns out, he really wasn't. I was even glad that I didn't get to meet him on the first day because I didn't get any bad impressions of him and so I didn't really have a hard time in expressing myself. Oh well, things do happen for a reason, right?

Anyhow, after class, we went to MOA for Lec and Dia's birthday celebration. It's already wayyy post dated but that's always the case with me and my girls-- everything banks on the "better late than never" philosophy. Hahaha! anyhow, we ate at Jatujak where we ordered a hoard of food and filled ourselves to throat-level. Mahn was it delish! I swear, jatujak is my ultimate fool-proof resto, ever! After that, we were supposed to watch a film, or go ice skating but we didn't get to do either for some really unfortunate and unfavorable reasons. To make a long story short, I felt really depressed. I honestly wanted to go skating. I watched ice castles a few days ago afterwhich I practiced how to skate using rags and even went online to look for tips for beginners. Yes, I was wayyy excited to get my frail feet back on the ice! But no, the ice skating gods weren't on my side, we didn't get to skate today. Gawd, you could only imagine how devastated I felt. To summarize it, if there's one thing that really depresses and pisses me off in this world other than copycats, it would be the unfulfilment of my plans (broken promises, canceled trips, etc.) I swear, I was merely fighting back tears today at MOA--well, I couldn't keep it in anymore so I still ended up crying while pathetically watching the skaters on ice. Gawd, I really am such a dramaqueen.

Oh well. Since our MOA escapade was cut short, I then found myself alone waiting for my mom or ninang in MOA. I walked all around, bummed around the skating rink for hours and even shopped a bit (got a bag for mama and gold flats for me). I was sooo bored! It's so difficult to not feel alone when you're in a mall that big. Ninang was the first to arrive (7pm) and we shopped for a bit then Mama picked us up at around 8pm. I was feeling really mad at her co'z she wanted to go home already when I was still in the mood to treat us to dinner. Hey, it's not often I volunteer to pay for dinner so my action should have been really surprising. But no-- we didn't get to eat. So, the entire trip home, I didn't speak to her. I was feeling mad co'z I wasn't over the whole we-didn't-get-to-skate thing and I was really counting on my mom to turn everything around but then, she didn't so I sorta felt like everything is going wrong again. Argh.

But mahn was I wrong! When we arrived home, a huge surprise was waiting for me!--two in fact! While the car was entering our gate, mama said, "kamusta na kaya si Mocha at Mokong?" I was puzzled then but as our car grew nearer, I finally saw it! Near the door to our kitchen was a blue cage housing two adorable little puppies! Oh my goodness! I can't describe just how happy I was seeing them! I leaped out the car and ran to them as fast as I could! I couldn't believe it! My puppies are home! Aww... my mom is the best ever! I know, I know, she spoils me! hahaha!

Guys, give a big warm welcome to my beautiful Irish Shepherd and Japanese Spitz, Almond and Mocha!

Sorry for the "blue eyes". Mocha is of course the brown one while the white is Almond. They're so adorable! They have really soft fur.. *ahhh..* I love my puppies. ♥

I am still in ecstacy right now. It just feels surreal. I can't believe they're just downstairs. I am sooo happy! *grins like a fool*

Well, that's all! I feel really really tired already. I just had to write this entry co'z I simply couldn't resist! Hahaha! Goodnight everyone! Love y'all!

p.s. anyone who wants to be their godmoms/goddads can now sign up. Just leave a comment in this page. =)

I want a puppy!

2007-06-29T22:09:00.000+08:00

current addiction: sleeping and eating

playlist favorite: One Look- Kjwan

I was just thinking. My mom must be getting irritated already with my non-stop "I want a puppy" talks. I mean, I would if I was in her position. Hihi. ;)

I can't control it. I really want a puppy! I know she wants one too that's why she's on the prowl for a dog. I guess I just feel a bit guilty for pressuring her to buy one NOW. hahaha! I know, I'm hard to resist that's why I'm spoiled but yeah, at times I get guilty too. Nyeh. Hahaha.

Anyhow, I wish I could get my dog already. I'm dying to name my pet! I already have a name prepared.. three in fact! Almond, Mocha and the naughtiest of 'em all, Kimchi! Hahaha! =) Oh I wish I do have my dogs already, that would really make me so happy! *sighs*

Oh well, I guess I just have to wait for my puppy. My mom's trying her best but all the people she calls selling 'em have already sold theirs. Grr. Maybe tomorrow... yes, maybe tomorrow...

I'm off now, I still have a ton of papers to read! I have been really lazy all day and I sort of regret it but I also feel lazy now so I dunno... Better go back to reading now, it's gonna be another sleepless night for me. Ugh.

Please speak softly for they will hear us....

2007-06-28T02:00:00.000+08:00

current addiction: eating and sleeping
playlist favorite: conspiracy- paramore

Wow, I can't believe it's finally here! Guys, my autographed Paramore cd has finally arrived! Oh what joy! *tap dances (err, tries to at least)*

Wow, I just can't believe that I finally have it. I waited for this chance for so long and now, I finally got my own cd! Yay, yay, yay! Thank you, thank you Katrina for hosting the contest! You are now my most favorite person in the whole world!-- next to Hayley of course. Nyahahaha! =)

Anyhow, it's 2am right now. I've been really nocturnal these past few days because I've been sleeping most of the time. I'm always sleeping and eating and all that. I honestly feel like I'm growing or something. Nyeh! hahaha! =) Who knows, this may just be my formative year, no? hahaha, spell A-S-A!

Oh well, I gotta go now. Because of my excessive eating and subsequent sleeping, I have failed to do a lot of my assignments ergo leaving me here to cram. Ugh! Oewell. As if I'm not used to it already. Teehee! Okay, okay, goodbye for now! I have to go look for an organizational chart fast! Later alligators! =P

Guess...

2007-06-25T19:42:00.000+08:00

current addiction: talking ilonggo
playlist favorite: Awake- Secondhand Serenade

...who's back? Back again? Ninin's back! Tell your friends! Sing it! Hahaha! =)

yeah baby! I'm back!!! missed me? *wink, wink!* Well, I know you did so that was a really stupid question to ask. Hahaha! =) *conceited mode*

Anyhow, I really had a great time in Iloilo. Since I'm too tired to do a proper post, I'll just do the usual listing of what made my trip memorable:

1. riding the plane! I really never get tired of flying. I get a really great rush during take off and basically whenever I'm inside a plane. Much like the unusual joy I get from being in the driver's seat of a car, seating comfortably inside an aircraft, always gets my blood excited. Hahaha!

2. bonding with my dearest cousins. =) Nothing beats going on a trip with the people you love-- and in my case it was with my two closest cousins Kym and Krizza. It's the first time ever that we went to the province together.

3. Seeing all my dear cousins. Like I said, that was one of the main reasons I really wanted to go to the province-- to see my cousins. I just really wanted to see them all co'z I don't want what happened to Kuya Gie and me to happen again. I want to bond with all of them and be able to talk to each and every one-- fortunately, I was able to do just that. =) I'm happier also that I got to talk to all of them even my other Kuyas who I haven't spoken a word to since I was young. Yeah, Kuya Gie's death made a lot of people change for the better-- us relatives are now more closer than ever and I am so much grateful for that.

4. Learned to play mahjong! Hahaha! I'm very proud of this because my cousins were teasing me that I was the only Celeste who didn't know how to play. They were sooo mean! Well, it was true afterall. I even felt a bit left out co'z they were all taught by our Lola like it was tradition or something. Oh well, at least it was still a Celeste who taught me how to play. Hihi;) By the way, I'm no longer a loser. In fact, I got four straight wins on my first try! Beginner's luck? Maybe-- nah, I'm just good. hahaha!

5. Mourn. Yeah, that was what I really went there for. I wanted to mourn for my kuya Gie because I dunno... part of me was deeply affected by his death. I don't even get why but I just feel really bad about it. I told myself I'd cry my heart out there and yes, I was able to do so. In fact, I think I was the only one who cried really hard during the funeral itself. I showed a lot of brattiness because of my issues with the other family and all but I didn't bother creating a good impression. I was not there to socializa anyway. So what if they thought I was being bratty?? As if they weren't acting the same themselves anyway. Grr. Oh well. Let's just let go of that. I was just happy that I did my part. I was able to stand by his grave and pray for him. It really made me feel better knowing that I was able to do everything for him. I followed through with everything... and with that in mind, I can now sleep better tonight.

6. Got a wake up call. Yeah, all the bonding and talking I did with my cousins openned my eyes to how I shouldn't give up on life and that we're all gonna go through all the hardships together, hand in hand. It was really something to talk to your cousins about your philosophies in life. It's different when you talk about it with family and much more when they all share in your joys and hardships. Yes, this is how families should always be-- bonded and supportive of each other. *sighs* I do love my family...

7. Take in Beautiful Iloilo. I get it now-- y'know why some parents prefer to live in the province. It really is beautiful! Life is so uncomplicated and if one has all the luxuries she wants, then living in the province would be akin to heaven. I guess it's just that for the first time, I saw what my mom was seeing all along. Yeah, life really is so much more relaxing and uncomplicated in our province. It's much better since I'd be in the company of my beloved cousins who I really love so much.

Well, I guess that's it. I'm currently uploading my pictures from our trip but somehow Multiply is acting a tad bit weird today so pardon if I'd be posting it late. Oh well. Haha. =) Anyhow, I need to rest now. I really am super tired. I'll be posting tomorrow. Cheerio! =)

I'm leaving...

2007-06-20T20:51:00.000+08:00

current addiction: Double Stuff Oreo Peanut Butter Creme

playlist favorite: Home- Daughtry

Nah, don't be scared. It's not about migrating to another place or whatever. I'm just leaving for the province, that's all.

Yeah, my flight's tomorrow. I'd be leaving after class with my mom and two cousins. I don't really know what to feel about it all. I mean, it's going to be a sad trip although part of me wants it to be a happy one. Well, whatever. I just hope I won't go crazy on this trip. I have been having such a hard time coping with Kuya Gie and all that I can't sleep at night and I often find myself crying involuntarily. I'm starting to lose my sanity. I hate it. I really hate it. I want to get back on track-- and that's exactly what I'm trying to do. I try to keep my crying at home and be the normal me at school. It's working-- I think. But I dunno. Sometimes I just wish I could scream and cry. This is getting so hard for me. I just wish my trip would somehow help me see the light in all these. I sure hope so. I really do hope so...

Well, I have to go pack now. My mom's yelling at me to start arranging my stuff. Goodbye for now. Guess I'd see you all by Monday. *hug*

Uninspired

2007-06-17T17:46:00.000+08:00

current addiction: escape from paradise game
playlist favorite: conspiracy- paramore

I honestly don't know how to go on posting another entry after my news about Kuya Gie. But I know I shouldn't dwell on it too much. If there's anything that keeps my sanity intact through all these, it's my redundant utterance of the phrase, Life goes on... life goes on. *takes a deep breath*

Everything's been a bit complicated. I smile, I laugh but during moments when I'm alone, reality taps me again. It's complicated that way. But since I'm still ever so optimistic, and since I also want to keep my mind off Kuya for a while, I'll share with you the incredibly unexpected and funny things that happened to me.

1. I just won myself an autographed Paramore cd! It was from a contest a Paramore fan had. You just had to answer a couple of tough questions about the band. I answered that a couple of weeks ago but I never knew I won-- err, not exactly. I got 100% the first time but there was two of us so I had to go to a tie-breaker round. I honestly didn't expect to win. For one, I almost wasn't able to participate co'z I was busy and didn't get the chance to check my mail. Second, I was feeling glum about Kuya Gie and all. Lastly, I haven't received the link to the quiz yet because Friendster was effed up again. Well, I got it a few hours before the deadline and I was wayyy pressured. I hardly had any sleep co'z I had to finish the exam. Wow, the exam was incredibly tough! It was unbelievable! I just wanted to finish it so I'd not regret anything and so I did even if I just guessed some of my answers. Haha! Oh well, it paid off! I won! Ack! The autographed Paramore cd is mine! ^_^

here's the link to the quiz if you want to see it:

http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=0SbkLONn3d4wFyG6V2gkag%3d%3d

2. My UP org, UP Panitikan has been revived once again. This time's different co'z they won't open applications this year and would just be concentrating on developing the members of the org. I was chatting with Kuya Cons last night, and the plans they had were so exciting! I can't wait! I love getting involved in any type of project and even though I didn't land the chairperson slot (haha!), I'm still going to give it all for my beloved Pantikan. =)

3. We're leaving for Iloilo on Thursday and even though we're not going for a vacation and even if I know the main reason we are going is a sad thing, I still can't help get excited. Y'know, I was telling my mom about my plans when we arrived. I told her I needed to see all my cousins co'z I was scared that it might happen again-- that the next time I see them, they would--or I would be sprawled in a hospital bed or worse, locked in a coffin. I don't want that. In the words of Bowling for soup, "as long as we live, time passes by and we won't get it back when we die." I want to make our trip to the province a way for me to see all my loved ones once again and try to talk to as many of them as possible. Well, as for my dad, that's another story. A letter would do for him.

That's it! I feel unlike me at the moment. I hardly know who I am anymore. I spend most of the time sleeping and watching tv. I guess it's my way of coping but I don't feel comfortable. It's like something's amiss-- but then, what can I do? Something really is amiss.

Mourning

2007-06-15T16:37:00.000+08:00

current addiction: jtc
playlist favorite: Tomorrow- Avril

I lost my hanky yesterday. I lost it in all the rumble and jumble at the hospital. I mourn. Weeping... weeping... weeping. I lost my good Armando Caruso hankerchief on that fateful night. I cry. I cry.

...I don't know how to move on. I'm rattled. I'm confused. I want to pretend it never happened, that all these is but a mere dream. I cry because I don't have my hanky anymore. So, it was real. It was all real.

Mama and I was supposed to buy a puppy but we ended up at the hospital. Kuya Gie, my cousin suffered a stroke. He was found lying on the street by neighbors. He was critical but I had hope. He wasn't my favorite but for me who's an only child, I treated him as a brother. My cousins were the only things I had. They were my kuyas and I was their little naughty sister.

I didn't think it was that serious. I saw him sprawled on the hospital bed and thought he was cute. He looked like a bear. He was fat...and big. He was unconscious. I kept telling him to open his eyes so he can see me. I told him to open it so he'd see how much I've grown. I told him to wake up so he can hear me sing for him. He didn't.

I watched over him the entire time. I kept rubbing his tummy whenever he shook or contracted. I enjoyed rubbing it. It was hairy. He reminded me of a bear.

He gave me a bear once-- on my 13th birthday. It was the first time he got a job and he and my other cousin both went to my party with gifts on hand. It was very sweet. He was 22 then.

I kept caressing his fat and very smooth arms. It made him relax his breathing. Aside from his snoring, he looked very peaceful. He was sometimes funny co'z even if he was unconscious, he kept pulling on the tubes attached to him. He was very strong. They decided to tie him to the bed. The fabric they used was short. They asked for another. I gave them my hanky. I said that that way, even if I left, he'd still have a piece of me with him.

I can see glimpses of his teeth. It reminded me of his smile. He had nice teeth. They were small, white and straight. I loved his smile. It had always been very warm. I bet it was his smile that landed him his four girlfriends-- or maybe it was the Celeste charm. =)

At 8pm, we went home. I didn't want to but mama said I need to recharge so I can go back and take care of him tomorrow. I agreed. I pictured me and Kym singing him a lot of songs-- Himala, Akap, Sundo, heck, even Magbalik. I would be there when he wakes up. He would be happy to see me.

On the way home, Tito called. Kuya Gie was critical. We wanted to turn the car around but decided to go home, eat, and get more cash. At home, Tito called again. Kuya Gie was getting revived. I was frantic. I was crying but I hid it. My mom was already going crazy. She can't see me crying. At 10:25, it was official, Kuya Gie passed away.

There was no more pretensions. I ran up my room, cried my heart out and yelled at him for leaving. I was enraged. I was sad.

We went back to the hospital. His friends who was there at his last hour had some complaints about the doctors and nurses. The beast in me was suddenly unleashed. I went back upstairs to look for them. I wanted to stare at them straight in the eye and make them feel my wrath. I was a girl on a mission. I arrived, but they weren't there anymore. I had a fierce look in my eyes. A man asked what we wanted. I said nothing. He said we won't find it if we don't ask. I told him he couldn't give me what I wanted. I turned around and tearfully walked down the stairs.

We drove Kuya Gie to the morgue. I wanted to see him again. I did. I rubbed his cheeks again. But it wasn't him anymore. What was before me was a decomposing body. It was pale, blackening and cold. It wasn't him. Kuya Gie was my bear-- full of life, sweet, warm, and soft. I was disgusted with what lay before me. It wasn't him. It wasn't him.

We took the long sad trip home. It was longer than usual. My head was throbbing. I was fighting back tears. I rummaged my bag for a hankerchief. I couldn't find it. And then I remembered.

I lost my hanky last night. I lost it in all the rumble and jumble at the hospital. I mourn. It was a good hanky. I had it since gradeschool. I cry. I wish I had my hanky back. I wish it didn't even get lost at all.

a hi. a concert. happy? pissed off

2007-06-13T21:29:00.000+08:00

current addiction: eating

playlist favorite: joyride- rooster

The title says it all. I know I should be happy-- even partly but I'm not. I am pissed off, feels sicks and feels like a hammer is pounding my head at the moment. I am one very unhappy girl right now.

Anyway, about the things that made me happy, here's a super brief, deranged discription of 'em:

a hi- A "hi". My semi- crush said hi to me today which was really unexpected since we're not close and all that. weird but great.

a concert- got dragged into watching a youth concert at the PICC. Spontaneity striked again and I found myself amongst hundred of teens jumping and thumping to beat of the bands. Cool. I even saw a Miggy-lookalike there. Really, I even thought he was Miggy, the similarity was outrageously close!

There. I got pissed off co'z my mom dragged me out of the concert just to find out that I had to wait for 45 more minutes for my ninang. Irritating much? super! I hated them and I hated how my happiness ended abruptly. It was better if we went home immediately. I was mad that we still had to wait long for my ninang. They should have picked her up so I could still enjoy myself but they were so stupid and so uncool. I hate it.

I really feel pissed off. I know I shouldn't because this day had been really fun but I'm not. There's no use pretending. Whatever.

Happy ID, boo-hoo

2007-06-12T14:05:00.000+08:00

current addiction: reading

playlist favorite: Panaginip- wake up your seatmate

Don't even begin to ask whatever happened to my Independence Day stint last night unless you want me to go rambling endlessly about it. All I can say is, it was horrible. Let's end it at that.

Anyhow, Happy Independence day to all! Happy birthday freedom! 109 years. Wow.

Anyway, I've been having a really lousy day which I basically spent lounging and sleeping. I actually made it a point to sleep a lot today co'z it's afterall my last official "vacation day". It's back to school again tomorrow and who knows when I'd get to lay around doing nothing like this again. *sighs* 5 months. Yes, 5 months 'til my next vacay. Oh god! Can I last that long?

Oh well. There are still a couple of things I'm looking forward to this school year so I decided to jot them all down...

1. new year= inspiration.-- to do a blog layout that is. Haha! I swear, I am soo dying out here. I told you I already made one but I couldn't code it. I was thinking hard and I think it's really impossible. Although I never really believed in impossible co'z anything is possible through computers. Anyhow, I couldn't do it. Boohoo. I want new inspiration and I want it now. Haha, demanding.

2 . gimmicks! Being a junior has a lot of perks y'know! I especially love how I can have the best of both worlds-- great education and lots and lots of fun. This school year feels a little alien to me. I honestly don't expect much from it co'z I hate getting disappointed. I am hopeful though..

3. new friends. Yeah, new school year gives me the chance to go meet new people. That's actually one of my goals this year-- to meet more people. I'm trying to expand my social world so reality won't be so alien to me. It pays to be friends with a lot of peeps y'know-- although I would really make it a point to make friends not acquiantances.

4. new clothes! This is really what I love the most about going to school. I get to shop whenever I want to! I love having new stuff to wear and new fashion trends to try. It's exciting to experiment when you're in school. Everything just seems so funky and versatile.

5. jackets and hoodies. Ooohh! I love these so much! I dunno why but I really love buying cold weather apparel.-- not so much for the hoodies and jackets but more of the "for really cold" places kinda stuff. I'm weird, I know. Anyhow, school gives me the opportunity to wear a lot of jackets again. It's the rainy season again for crying out loud! Well, I can now wear my hoodies again. Thank God! I just love it so much! If there's one fashion look, I totally dig, it's the "bored, I-don't-care-how-I-look" look. Well, most of the people I see having this kind of look are wearing hoodies, or some kind of cool weather gear. Well, whatev.

6. graduation! Well, not that I'm actually graduating already but y'know, the sooner you go to school, the sooner you graduate. Haha!

Err-- that's all. Guess I'm not really that excited to go to school yet. I'm not ready!-- actually, the thing is, I'm scared. I really feel unsure of this year and I dunno... I'm scared. I was thinking and maybe the reason I am is co'z of my great desire to make this year great. I want it to be great co'z I don't want to regret not having left for Canada and if things won't go right here, then I'd just feel bad that I didn't leave. It's complicated that way. It's just that I'm not yet over the whole Canada thing. I hate it. I even feel like I hardly know myself. I don't want to admit yet but part of me is losing hope. Hope for everything. Well, I guess my wish has finally been granted- all my optimism has now rubbed off.

The time of year

2007-06-10T21:19:00.000+08:00

current addiction: eating

playlist favorite: Ana' Song- Silverchair

...Ang mamatay ng dahil sa'yo!!! *bows* Thank you, thank you! You are too sweet. I don't really deserve all the applause, it is afterall my duty as a Filipino to pay homage to the country that has been home to me for eighteen years. Ahh.... Folks, I'm so thrilled to say that it's independence day once more. =)

Don't be amazed by my patriotism just yet. I honestly don't deserve it. The main reason I look forward to independence day is mainly due to the Independence Day show on the CCP. haha! It's just that it has become tradition for me to watch it. It's really a heartwarming, moving show that really makes you feel proud to be Pinoy--and for a simple Filipino living in these times, a moment like this is rare. The show has always moved me and I often find myself teary-eyed. It's like you just want to run out there and do stuff for our country. You just want to pay back and serve the nation that molded you. You would just want to go out and... and... DO SOMETHING. I just wish each and every politician in this country would take time and watch it. I'm sure they'll get an epiphany or whatnot.

Well, the show itself is always well attended. You have movie stars, politicians, mediamen, business moguls and then there's people like me, the masa. Yeah, told yah, it was well attended. *wink!

I just can't wait for tomorrow! It's really an annual thing I hope I'd be able to do until I get really, really old. Yeah. *smiles dreamily*

Well, that's all! I still have to do my nails for the big event! Last time, my ninang and I stayed backstage and I got to rub elbows with local singers so I should be prepared this year too. Who knows who I might chance upon. I sure wouldn't want to be caught looking drab, wouldn't I?

p.s. since it's June 11 tomorrow and all, I'd like to say Happy, happy birthday to Kean Cipriano. It was his birthday too last year when I watched the show. Well, since I'm in a good mood anyway, for whatever it's worth, Happy birthday dude!

Ack!

2007-06-09T01:30:00.000+08:00

current addiction: watching strawberry shortcake
playlist favorite: A plain morning- DC

Gawd! Why is coding layouts just so hard to do! Argh! Well, main reason I'm having a hard time is co'z I'm trying something I haven't done before and I didn't know it was this hard! I give up! The layout looks so crappy! Ugh!!! Well, enough for today. I'll try to tinker with it tomorrow. Hopefully, it'll look better then. Yeah, I pray so...

Random-ness

2007-06-08T00:28:00.000+08:00

current addiction: watching tv

playlist favorite: Ender will save us all- DC

Random question, are you supposed to reply to the comments posted on your friendster or multiply site?

I don't get it really. I have never replied to any of the comments on my pages because I didn't think it was appropriate but then, am I actually being stupid here? haha. Any insights would be much appreciated. ^_^

They killed it!

2007-06-07T00:36:00.001+08:00

current addiction: solitaire
playlist favorite: dear oprah- susan cagle

Wtf! The Nancy Drew movie has been murdered! Stripped down, mutilated and left to rot! I mourn for MY Nancy Drew. *sob

I really do. I hate them producers for not giving justice to my favorite heroine. I mourn. As I'm typing this, I try to keep my tears from falling. Pathetic, but true. I mourn so much for my dear heroine. Emma Watson as Nancy Drew?? Wtf! She's too effing young! Gawd, she doesn't have boobs yet! Nancy was supposed to be in her teenage prime about 16-19. That was her original age when the first Nancy Drew series came out. She f*ckin owns a blue convertible, has a hot boyfriend Ned and two bestfriends, Bess and George. That's how it's supposed to be! And damn you prods for making Nancy look like a geek! She is not a geek! She is not! She is also not someone who excels in everything as what the movie portrayed her to be. She's not that athletic. It's her bestfried George who excels in sporty things, not Nancy! I don't even know who that girl in the movie is co'z I effin' know that is not Nancy!

Nancy is my hero. She was the girl I dreamed of becoming when I was young but looking at the movie now, I feel betrayed. I don't want to be that girl now. I feel really sad because they portrayed MY Nancy just like any other teenager out there. In fact, they even made her a somewhat weird girl but the Nancy I know is far from that. It really hurts me co'z they didn't stay true to the character in the book.

Growing up as an only child, it was in Nancy Drew that I found my true confidante. I admired her because she was an only child too. Yet, she remained strong and grew up to be a really model child. She was an epitome of courage, brains and humility. She was my very own paradigm of girl power. I used to put myself in her character all the time. I was never the scared kid. I was very brave and adventurous. I was Nancy. Y'know it was Nancy that helped me through the whole "my parents are separated" thingy. It helped me a lot because Nancy too has only one parent. Although, our case is different since her mom died, I still see myself in her character because I know how she feels having only one parent and a nanny take care of you. (Had a nanny too until I was 9). We shared a lot of things in common and looking back at the times that I was reading my 100+ Nancy Drew books, I can't help feel so sad.

Millie Benson would feel horrible watching her work get butchered like this. You might be wondering why I say Millie Benson when the book's author is Carolyn Keene. Well, Carolyn is just a pen name and it's actually the work of a lot different authors but the first 50 books are from Millie Benson so it was really her brainchild. Well, Millie's dead now. And in someways, I'm glad she is. I can't let her see how her work has been murdered like this. I know how passionate she feels about my Nancy. She loved Nancy. She enviosined her to be the role-model girls should look up too. She even said that she sees Nancy as someone who can defy the norm. I know because I wrote an entire essay about Millie when she died in 2002. In her words, "I wanted to do something different, the heroines of girls' books back then were all namby-pamby. I was expressing a sort of tomboy spirit." See? Sorry Millie but Emma Watson as Nancy didn't exactly make your vision reality.

I really hate what they did to the movie. That was MY Nancy you butchered you ass-licking, money-crazy son of a guns! I hate you all to bits! And I hate you more for making me swear like this!

I honestly, honestly want to boycott the movie but putting my issues aside, it is afterall just another teen-bopper flick. I'm a sucker for these junk so I guess I'd still watch it. But you producers, don't ever think you got away with it! Co'z I'd still go after you. Yes, I'd still do and when I get you, I'd shove my hardbound copy up your smelly ass*s! That'll teach you not to go around messin' up someone else's hero!

Satisfaction guaranteed

2007-06-03T22:40:00.000+08:00

current addiction: solitaire

playlist favorite: CVSC- Chicosci. Miggy ♥s

Finally! My craving has been satisfied! Leave it to mama to spoil me and give me everything I want. Yes, today was my birthday. Well, not technically but I feel like it co'z we got a lot of food and I especially love that we ate the things I asked her today like buko pandan salad and of course, PANSIT! Hahaha! I love it that my craving has finally been satisfied. Hihi. ;)

I cooked my own pansit taking inspiration from Emerald Garden resto and the stuff I saw yesterday on tv. Hihi. Turned out pretty well if I say so myself. I love how I was able to make it saucy and really yum-my. Hmm!

Sorry for the bad picture quality. I was too excited to eat already that I didn't bother pretty-fying it first. Haha. Well at least you got to see it in all it's bare, un-made up beauty. =)

I tried to imitate the one I saw on tv with an egg on top. The verdict? Weird but in a way it was good. Haha. I mean, eggs are always good on anything so this time didn't make it really special. Well, maybe the thought that you eat the egg at the same time as the pansit makes it out of the ordinary but nothing spectacular, really.

There! I'm fully satisfied now-- err, not really. I am starting to crave some buko pandan salad now. Yeah, I love it co'z I placed cheese in it and gawd, is it sooo good! I love cheese in anything dairy. I mean, with milk, cream, etc. It just makes the dish pop out. Hihi. =)

Well, gotta go now! All I can say is that I am one very happy big-bellied little girl. *sticks out my tongue*

p.s. who's my secret hugger? well, I haven't really got done the business of really finding who but now, I have a few guesses.. he/she is living in mandaluyong, rizal. hahaha! =)

Pan-sitty!

2007-06-02T22:56:00.000+08:00

current addiction: watching vids in youtube
playlist favorite: wonderwall- oasis

Got pansit?

Really, I'm not joking! I am sooo craving for some pansit right now. Yeah, blame the documentary I saw in GMA which featured the food of the Philippines which also took the team around the country featuring different types of pansit. Man, did that show make me hungry! I am actually craving pansit even before the show aired. Well, the prob with my craving is that I haven't satisfied it yet. I tried to when we went to MOA but the one I ate was so mediocre I just took a few bites and shoved the plate away. Nah, it wasn't that bad but I'm a girl who appreciates good food and I swear, it wasn't good.

Anyhow, I'm dreaming of my perfect pansit now. The one I saw on tv really fascinated me. I wanted to try the ones which had really a lot of sauce and even the one with fried egg and ketchup looked interesting. *drools* Gawd, I swear, my mouth is watering right now! I dream of the feel of the noodles in my mouth. I want my pansit to be have chewy noodles, be really saucy, have shiitake mushrooms, pork, lettuce, carrots, peanuts, chili sauce and topped with a fried egg. hahaha! I wonder what that would taste like! Well, actually I imagined it to taste a bit like Pad Thai with an egg on top. Not bad, ey? Hahahaha!

Anyhow, I am still craving for my pansit. I just want one now! I tried looking inside our fridge, but no luck! Yeah, I assumed there was pansit there even if I never saw our maid or anyone else make one. That's how desperate I am! Golly, golly, gosh! I want my pansit now!

chow mien. chow, chow, chow! I want one!

Pad thai. argh! yum-my!

pansit, the Filipino way. Argh! I want a mouthful now!

*sighs* All the pictures are driving me crazy! Enough, enough! Argh. I can't describe just how hard it is for me to keep on staring at the pics and not get hungry. Grr! Help. Please.

I wanna be perfect

2007-06-01T21:19:00.000+08:00

current addiction: creating layouts

playlist favorite: Perfectly- Huckapoo

not! First co'z I know that there is no such thing as a perfect person and second, I love who I am and I don't effin' care if others love me or not. People who see my imperfections are just insecure. Yeah, they are.

Well, why the topic? Because I was inspired by the song perfectly today and it became the current soundtrack of my life. Yeah, I heard it before I went to sleep last night--err, it was already 3am then but hey, I'm nocturnal so excuse the incorrect time addresses. Oh well. So, when I woke up, the first thing I did was download the song. Mahn was it hard to find! There was a conflict on who really sang the song and I was way confused! Anyhow, I'm just glad that I finally found out who sang it. =)

Really, the lyrics are sooo perfect for what I feel! Not right now and maybe not for my entire life but it does for one part-- the yucky, emo love part. Eww. But really, you guys have to listen to the song. It really made me feel so much better. Remember the time I was hating myself for feeling ugly? Well, now I found myself a song that really encapsulates what I'm feeling. I'm finally letting go! For a boy to make me feel bad about myself is already pathetic enough but letting him influence my whole outlook in life would be really stupid of me. I'm done! It's no use trying to reach his level. I mean, if he really dig modelesque girls and all that 'perfectionism' crap, then so be it! I don't care anymore! I'll never be good enough for him. There's no use in dreaming at all. It'll bring me nothing but more insecurities and depression. I'm done with that thank you very much!

Well, because of the song, I got inspired to do a new friendster layout. I love it soo much I actually cannot stop staring at it. hahaha! I tried to do a new blog layout but problem is, I still feel uninspired! I have been looking for inspiration because I'm dying for a new layout but I can't find it! I want something new now but I just can't make myself do one. I need something to get my creative juices flowing. But what?

Oh well. Maybe tomorrow. I'm just happy that I got something done today. =) Check out my friendster profile to see it for yourself and if you're not yet my contact, add me up too! I promise I don't bite! ^_^ http://www.friendster.com/ninin13

p.s. my pictures from yesterday are already in my multiply account. Just check it out! http://orangerain13.multiply.com

---edited---

wow, it's 3:35am now and I'm still awake. I didn't stop until I finished my multiply layout. Boy was it hard! Well, it was co'z I couldn't make the images "blend", you'd see where it's cut. Anyhoo, I finally did it! yahoo for me! *yawns* well, I'm super tired now. I hope I'd finally get inspiration to do this blogs layout. Goodnight y'all! *yawns*

A walk down memory lane

2007-05-31T22:44:00.000+08:00

current addiction: burning copies of my pictures
playlist favorite: Better days- Goo goo dolls

Err... not exactly. It was more of a day spent with my gradeschool friends. It's really special co'z they were my gradeschool friends. Can you see just how far back that was? Well, how did it go?

Perfect.

It was actually a spur-of-the-moment and thing and you know me and spontaneous stuff, I just can't say no! Well, they invited me to go to MOA, and since my mom was okay with it, I went! I was already waiting for Karen at the waiting shed of our village when she texted me saying that they'll be picking me up there. Picking me up? They got a car? Coolness. Well, it was cool alright! Co'z turns out, it was our friend Mon's own baby. Sweet! I just love how college kids go to gimmicks nowadays. Being picked up on a cool ride with none other than your friends, without chaperone is the coolest ever! gawd, I wish I could drive my own baby too. Argh.

Oh well... So, we were then off to go to the Mall of Asia! There were only five of us. Jan, Karen, Jason, Mon and me. Well, I never expected the two guys to be there. I thought it was going to be an all-girls thing, plus, I wasn't really close with the two back in gradeschool. They were my batchmates all right but I didn't really get to talk to them often then. So you could only imagine how the car ride went! Of course, the four haven't seen each other in a while too so it was all about 'what happened to who', 'what's been up with the two-of-yous', blah blah blah blah. You get the picture right? Well, where am I during all these drab conve? Grinning ear-to-ear pretending I knew what they were talking about and feeling oh-so-left-out. Drat! Even when we arrived at MOA, they kept making me talk but hey, I can't tell you guys anything co'z all the juicy news about our gradeschool friends are unknown to me! What can I tell you guys about that'd interest you, huh? Nothing! Ugh.

Well, don't feel too sorry for me yet. I was there, and had basically no choice but try to have the time of my life. Yeah, even if at times, I was soooo missing Soan already and our usual food escapades there. Gawd, was I dying to have some Pad Thai. Argh. Oh well, we decided to catch a movie first-- Zodiac. I honestly thought it would be a really cool movie. I mean, hey, anything that has to do with cryptography and murder is a sure winner, right? wrong. Boy was it the worst movie I have ever seen! It was dragging, incoherent, uninspired, and the cinematography was all wrong! What kind of movie was that?? Crap. Crap, crap, crap!

Well, after watching that horrid film, we decided to go skating! Hahaha! At the back of my mind, I knew we were eventually going to do this but I wasn't so sure co'z I hardly know my gradeschool friends anymore and I'm not sure if they're still the same "trip mo, trip ko" bunch I used to hang out with. Well son of a gun, they still are! I totally love 'em for that!

I just realized that if there's one sport I totally suck at, it would be ice skating. Hahaha! Not exactly suck, suck co'z I did manage to stand with no hands for a few minutes in the rink. Hahaha! Pathetic. Well, spare me the harsh words co'z it was afterall my first ever try! Gawd! I didn't know it was that hard! hahaha! Well, actually, not really. I think it was just the perfect first try. I now have a little pointers on what to expect next time. Like, how I should bring thick socks co'z the shoes doesn't really fit thin feet too well. Haha! Glad I brought my handy dandy jacket though. Hihi! =) Well, I can't say I went prepared co'z I always bring my jacket anyway it was sort of a coincidence. Hihi. =) My skating experience was the funnest of all co'z it was there that we really bonded and I got to open up more and relax. Yeah, they were cool. Especially the time that I fell and no one helped me! Hahaha! They were cool like that. Haha!-- nah, I'm just kidding. Mico of the anim-e was there and Karen really wanted to take a picture with him so they were sort of cuddled in the middle of the rink leaving Mon and me by the sides. I thought I could approach them but I guess I pushed myself too much, too early and ended up kneeling on the cold ice. Haha! I was laughing really hard but no one saw me. Mon was the first to see me but since he couldn't skate well too, it took him a while to get to where I was. hahaha! It was really a sight! The funniest was when the others saw me sprawled on the floor and rushed to my side while screaming my name. Talk about a scene from a movie! Well, leave it to me to make everything look more dramatic. Hahaha!

After that really fun escapade at the rink, we ate dinner at the foodcourt, made wishes in the fountain and finally trekked on home! Time? 9pm. Hahaha! I just love how convenient it is to have a car. I mean, it was all us, Mon was driving, we had no chaperone, we could talk about anything we wanted plus, getting dropped off by a bunch of kids yelling goodbyes from a car just spells C-O-O-L to me! Gawd, was it the perfect summer barkada get together. It would have been cooler though if my entire GS barkada was there. Yeah, especially the guys. Mon and Jason were not bad but I didn't really know them that much. I miss my other guy friends before. But then, it's sort of impossible now. I mean, after I transferred schools, most of my guy friends started to date my girl friends and now they've got "pasts" with them. Get the picture? Oh well. Maybe next time.

Err--- speaking of next time, I wish the next would be with my dear HS friends. They're really the one I'm soooo dying to see! I even have to make it up with my bestfriend Rea for not showing up on her debut. So, so, sorry beh-beh! I really owe you big time! I miss Cosio, Abby and Danica too. Aww... we were the rockabyebabez then. Haha! What a cheesy name! hihi. =) But then, don't belittle us co'z we weren't junk back then. For one, we're in the top section and 3 of us were even in the school paper. That doesn't spell losers for me! =P

Anyhoo... I'm beat. Skating really made me tired but I'm sooo raving to go at it again, this time I'm hoping it'd be with the brats and pack-- co'z they're really the ones I would love to skate with. But this first time was perfect just the way it was. I wouldn't change a thing. =)

Well, to end this post, I'd like to thank my GS friends for being the cool people they were. Thank you for trying your best to make me feel welcome, I know you did try. I honestly had fun! After the movie and skating stint, I started to relax. Yeah, I just needed a little time to get used to it again. Hihi. =) I'm super glad we did this. If there's one important thing I learned today, it is to always try to keep in touch. Never let go of your yesterdays-- try to make them a part of your tomorrows. The past is part of what makes us who we are now so we should all be grateful and try to look back and rekindle the relationships we once had.

With that said, I say goodnight. ^_^

p.s. Happy birthday ate Ninin--err, Giannina! I love sharing my name with you. Oh, I love all the "Ninins" in the world! Enjoy your day!

Time to spill everything...

2007-05-30T01:07:00.000+08:00

current addiction: playing guidance counsellor to random people
playlist favorite: One thing- Finger eleven

It's time. I just know it's time. Guys, finally after months of secrecy and clandestine crying, agony and inevitable depression, I've finally decided to let it all out and spill what's been bothering me. The main reason I'm doing this is because I'm feeling bad again about it but I can't do anything anymore and I guess I need a friend...

here's my story...

A few weeks after my 18th birthday, my mom handed me a letter from my Ninong Douglas from Canada. Turns out, it was a letter inviting me to study in Canada, all expense paid. I saw the date of the letter and it was emailed a few days after my birthday. I even questionned my mom about it asking her why she didn't give it to me immediately, thinking it was rude for our part co'z my ninong might be waiting for my answer. Well, at first I didn't pay heed to it until I found out that he actually wanted to push through my enrolment for this school year. Which means, he wanted me to get there by September this year. Wow. That's fast. Well, my mom and I talked about it a lot because my mom is really bad when it comes to taking risks and all that. We were weighing things because it was going to be a life- changing thing for me. I mean, hey, you can't just decide in a jiffy something as big as this y'know! I mean... decisions like these have its downsides...

1. I would be leaving alone. I would be staying with my ninang in their house and of course, I would lack the emotional support that a family could give me.
2. I would have to work part time. I mean, it would look so "princessy" of me to contribute nothing to the expenses when my ninang would already be paying for my education. Heck, one year of my college there is worth 600,00php!
3. I would be living a sort of hard life. Yeah, no more gimmicks, no more lounging around, no more being a couch potato. I have to work inside the house, be neat, be ultra nice all the time. I have to be conscious of everything I will be doing.
4. It's goodbye to everything I have here. My friends, my life, my shopping galores, my plans, my short-lived dreams. *sighs*
5. I won't be getting a UP diploma. Getting that diploma is like winning the lottery and I'd lose that chance.

On the other hand, leaving has its benefits too:

1. Studying in a new country. Of course it's great! It's like getting international education. I mean, I would be transferring to the University of Manitoba which is a pretty good institution.
2. New life? Yeah, I guess part of me wants to start new.
3. The chance to eventually live there. I mean, I could file for migration if I really wanted to.
4. Studying there gives me bigger chance of reaching my dreams-- of studying in the US, of possibly taking up law abroad. Harvard? Why not? The possibilities are endless!
5. I am assured that I will be able to get a job regardless of whether I graduate or not. Not that I'm saying I will not since it's not possible co'z the government actually lends you money to study.
6. I just can't say no to any opportunity. I always prefer to take a risk than forever think of what could have been.

Oh damn. I think I choked on that last statement.

Well, it has been bothering me for a while co'z there was no turning back. I told my mom my sentiments and she said she understood. We also made a deal that we'd just leave it to God. I mean, hey, it's already almost impossible for me to get a visa by September so it would really require a miracle for that to happen. Err... well, I got my miracle all right. I dunno why but suddenly, all the things that was supposed to keep me from going suddenly disappeared!

1. The request I had for my transcript which was supposed to take a month was given to me in less than 3 weeks and the registrar even apologized for it. weird.
2. The university required their international students to pass the TOEFL first. I thought this was going to be the 1st problem since taking the exam requires a lot of steps and would take more than a month to get processed which would make me miss the deadline for submitting my application at the university. Well, well, well... my ninong went there and clarified this thing with them and they said they'd accept just a letter stating that english is the medium of teaching from St. Paul and UP. Processing time? three days.
3. We went to the Canadian Embassy and amazingly, we were given VIP treatment. It didn't even take us 5 minutes to get service. Wow. I was outta there in like 10 minutes! And to think I came there looking my best! Argh. Well, they also gave us good news. They said that all I needed was the letter of acceptance and I could just mail the other requirements and they'd process it in about 6 weeks. Fast. Nyay.

That was about the 1st week of May. So... if I pushed through with everything, I'd get my visa by July which would like really, really make me get there and be enrolled by this year. Wow.

Well, The decision was really bothering me a lot. I couldn't tell anyone because like I've said numerous times before, I don't like troubling people with my problems and I also didn't want to assume. I mean, if I don't get my visa, then I would have just created unnecessary drama. Well, our lives have been really difficult because of that. I cry day in and night whenever I think about it. It breaks my heart co'z I know that yes, I wanted to go. I mean, if I didn't then the decision won't be that hard to make, right? But then, I also didn't want to leave everything behind-- my friends, my life, my dreams, and of course, my mom. It was hard for me to think of how she's going to live without me. We've been through together a lot and she's sacrificed a lot for me too and I guess it sort of is so ungrateful of me if I go just like that.

My mom and I talked about it every single day. I don't cry in front of her co'z I wanted to be strong for her co'z I know that somehow, I'm doing this for her too. My driving force behind all these is the thought that I could earn a lot of money or take her there so she could get proper treatment. I want her to live a comfortable life even if I have to make the ultimate sacrifice. I know, it may sound so superficial, but I swear, it's true.

I was prepared to face the hardships. I know somehow that I would get culture shocked or something and there might be times that I'd want to go home but I was willing to take that risk. I was really willing to sacrifice everything just for the thought that one day I'd reap my reward.

But

I also mourn for myself. I hate to admit it but I felt a pang of self-pity. I mean, hello?! I'm only 18! I'm too young to go on my own. I'm also an only-child and I only have my mom and ninang as my family. I have been treated like a queen my whole life and all that is going to disappear. I won't be able to experience the joy of being a teenager co'z I'd need to mature once I get there.

It's really a hard decision because I really don't know what's ahead of me unlike when I'm here, I know what'll happen to me in the next few weeks with regard to my studies and social life. What I have here is security while what is waiting for me in Canada is a huge opportunity. Security? Opportunity? Security? Opportunity?

I choose security.

Yes, one night I realized that I couldn't take it anymore. I was already down-in-the-dumps. I felt sooo sad thinking that it was my last summer in the Philippines and in a way I was feeling awful that I'd be breaking the heart of those I made plans with(my friends in particular). I just couldn't do that. I couldn't break their hearts. I also thought that my life here ain't that bad. It's not like we're poor or anything. We're surviving all right. I don't really need to sacrifice anything-- not that studying abroad is to be seen as a sacrifice, because really, it's an opportunity. And yes, the biggest thing bothering me is my mom. I could see that she didn't want me to go and she was feeling bad all the time. I can't even begin to imagine what would happen to her health once I leave. She's already got a history of depression the time papa left her. I wouldn't want that to happen again. So... what I did was, I ended my dilemma with a simple pulling a paper out of a hat. Ridiculous, I know. But it was the only thing I could think of. Well, while I was shaking my hands (I didn't bother looking for a container), a piece of paper popped out. What did it say? Stay.

You could only imagine my relief! I went to my mom and told her even if she was already sleeping that time. We were both really happy with the decision. I thought it was the right decision because I was happy. I felt relieved. I had a talk with my ninang after that and she asked me whether I was all right with the decision and I said that I was just happy that I finally knew what I was going to do. I was happy that I made a decision. I wanted to stick with it. Really, I did. But now, I feel like I may have made the wrong decision.

This is the second time this month I regretted it. I really don't know if I did make the right move by staying. Maybe I was stupid and scared. Maybe I settled for mediocrity. Maybe I chose to close the door of opportunity. Maybe... maybe... maybe....

I don't want to blame my mom for all these but part of me wants to. I mean, if I didn't have to think of how my leaving would affect her, I would have gone. Honestly I would. This is actually our concern. She doesn't want me to regret and one day blame her for everything. I also don't want that to happen. But hey, if I do regret, she shouldn't be too suprised if I blame her co'z she really is the main reason I didn't go. Argh. I told myself that I won't blame her. So, I won't. But you don't know just how hard it is for me to not blame her now.

I feel so sad because of all these. I thought I was over it but I don't know. I'm still bothered. It still hurts. I think what hurts the most is my fear that I might live a sucky life here. I don't want that to happen-- not that I'm saying I won't live a sucky life in Canada too.. I'm still torn even though I know I shouldn't be anymore because I've made the decision to stay and I should stick to it. I should prove to myself I was right. I have to stick with this. I know regret will visit me often but I'm openning my door to him. Afterall, I deserve to feel this regret. I mean, only a stupid girl would pass up an opportunity this big.

Sing me a song

2007-05-28T21:07:00.000+08:00

current addiction: downloading mp3s

playlist favorite: A plain september- Plain white T's

Oh my! I can't stop downloading mp3s! It's sooo much fun! Well, it's fun for me since I've got fast internet connection and all that. Haha! Anyhow, I really feel good whenever I listen to good songs, it's like a theraphy for me or something. I love songs so much. I even get a rush when I hear a really fabulous track. Haha! Anyhow, I just wanted to drop by because I am getting a bit bored already. Hihi. =) Well, I'm not complaining, I love being a bum! hahaha!

bye people! hope you guys are having a swell summer! Just roughly two weeks before classes start, go make the best out of your mini vacay okay? I know I will. *wink!

p.s. I found this in multiply and wanted to share it. =)

Life in techinicolor...

2007-05-28T00:24:00.000+08:00

current addiction: downloading mp3s

playlist favorite: home- daughtry

...is the best life of all! Whoopdedoo! I really am sooooo happy to have my computer fixed already! Yehey! The downpart about all the reformatting and other computer glitches I had is that all my mp3s have been deleted! Ack! But don't be so sad for me. I dunno why but I'm actually enjoying re-downloading the old mp3s I had. The funnest for me is reading my old blog entries so I can recall what songs I used or are my favorites. While reading my "playlist favorites", I also couldn't keep myself from reading some of my entries. Wow. I can't believe I have been through so much already. Congratulations to me for still being alive! hahaha!

Well, I just dropped by. Oh! I got a haircut today! I really wanted to have a haircut because the last one I got last month was really, really, bad! I swear, it was so bad that I even find myself having nightmares about it and even throwing a tantrum more than a month after I got the cut. Well, that's what I call a really bad 'do. Tsk,tsk! Well, I'm really happy with it now. I went back to my usual hairdresser at Eve's and got myself a new style. Yeah, it became shorter because my hairdresser tried her best to remedy my massacred 'do. Argh. 8 months of growing my hair and now it's short just because of one hellavu arrogant, know-it-all, sexist, fugly hairdresser. Ooohhh... I hope you grow long hair outta your ears and nose, that'll teach you to listen to the demands of your customers! Grr!

Oh well. Whatev. My hair's better now. Thanks to Ate Madj. Haha! Time for me to turn in for the night. Goodnight--err, goodmorning, goodafternoon, good evening... oh what the heck! Good day to you all! ^_^

All I want is everything

2007-05-26T17:55:00.000+08:00

current addiction: lounging in bed and taking in the rain =)
playlist favorite: I'm just a girl- Bachelor girl

Oh my effing god! I can't believe it! Gossip Girl the series really is out! Yeah, I know I saw it plugged in E! myself but I didn't really believe it then but now, I do! I do! I do! I do! I am so happy! Whoopdedoo! I love that book series and I could totally relate to their lives! (not that I'm saying I'm as fab as them but you get the point, right? haha) Well, because I am sooo happy, I completely forgot what I was supposed to tell you guys about. Haha! This is so me to change blog topics in a matter of seconds. Hihi =) Well, I just wanted to share the trailer with you so you can all act as excited as I am. Hahaha! Soan!!! Finally! Here it is!

Oh gosh! I remember the time I got addicted to casting my own Gossip girl movie. Well, Blake Lively as Serena was also one of my bets but I wanted Jamie King to be her. Still, I think the cast now is perfect! yeah.. Although I sort of expected Serena to be a lot skinnier and taller next to Blair. hahaha! Oh well! For those who are not really Gossip Girl readers, don't be so judgmental, try to watch the trailer too, I just know you'd get hooked! Go, go, go!

Oh! Before I forget, one of the reasons, I'm absolutely lovin' this series too is co'z Kristen Bell, aka Veronica Mars is doing the voiceover for Gossip girl. Wow! This is sooo perfect! I'm totally in heaven right now! hahaha =) yay! yay! yay!

As gossip girl always says,

you know you love me. *wink!

Stink fest

2007-05-25T22:11:00.000+08:00

current addiction: watching movies and eating
playlist favorite: I wish I was a punk rocker (with flowers in my hair)

Oh gawd. I am way beyond embarassed to share with you guys what nasty thing I did today. Part of me doesn't even want to share it anymore but another part finds it really funny and is itching to share my hilarious tale. Haha! Well, lemme start my story at the very beginning...

6:30am- I arrived in school for my last SA shift. I was early co'z the car was coding that day and we needed to arrive before 7am, ergo my really early arrival. Well, since I expected the ADAA (where I work) to still be closed, I just decided to look for another of my perfect sky-gazing or what I call "stellar" spots in school. Last time I arrived early in school, I parked my huge ass in the bench near the Oblation garden co'z it provided me a great view of the sky while still giving me privacy. Even though it tempted me to return and lounged there again, I decided to explore other places in school and try my luck to find another "stellar" spot.

Well, well, well, I was successful! It's near the lobby, which I think was once the Behsoc's tambayan but since the tambayans have now been relocated, it has become just another bench in good ol' UP. I totally love the new spot! It has a different view of the sky and it gave me more privacy co'z hardly anyone passes by there. Yay! =) Well, because I think the place looked marvelous, I decided to pass time taking pictures of myself. Weird thing was, I couldn't get a decent shot like I was merely using a VGA camphone or something (mine's got 2.0 megapixels). I tried taking a pic of the places around me and they looked fine. I was just the one who looked "too white". Erm.. I guess you sorta got an idea what was happening that time right? Well, I just decided to leave and buy food instead. I ate chicken pie and red tea and went back to my "stellar" spot. haha, I'm really weird, can you believe I even returned to that spot and lounged (with my feet up!) some more?? hahaha! =)

8:ooam: Finally! After an hour, Ate Ehlen (Ehhhhlen. Try saying it. hahaha!) finally arrived! I was sort of pissed off at her for making me wait that long but Ate really is the kind of person you can't hold a grunge against for a long time. She's too nice for that. Well, after she welcomed me in, I was again friends with her. haha! A few minutes after, 3 minutes to be exact (I know bec. of the time in record), Soan finally arrived too. Turns out, Ate Ehlen would be leaving for PGH which means we'd be left unsupervised! Well, what happens when two gimikeras are left alone?? Madness of course! hahaha! We decided to leave and buy food. We were so bad co'z we left the office unlocked without anyone to guard it. But we still did it!

We bought nugget burger and mixed coffee+chocolate drink. The whole time though, we were feeling soooo scared! We were nervous that Ma'am Grace might suddenly arrive and be furious to find the office unlocked and empty OR that Ate Ehlen might have forgotten something and returned to find us not there. Oh no! I swear, we were sooo scared but it was really funny-- esp. the sneaking and running part. Hihi. =) Fortunately, none of that happened and we got away with our crime! Hahahaha! Our crime sort of backfired on us when the burger we bought tasted funny. It was suspiciously sour. A sour nugget? Nyay.

12:00pm: Time for lunch! It's our last lunch together but since we already ate a lot in the morning, we just decided to eat our favorite Mighty Mushroom french fries at Belgian fries. Yum!-- Err, I didn't really enjoy it that much co'z I was feeling uncomfy co'z of jolts of pain in my stomach. Argh. Y'know where I'm going with this right? Well, it did push through. Gawd! It's soooo embarassing! I was expecting it but then I also knew that my system has this tendency to get shy when doing it in places other than at home. I can attest to that co'z of the numerous trips I've been to where I've been constipated the whole time. Rar. Well, I was really feeling bad that time so I just decided to go do it. I tried to the first time but Rob's restroom near the Cinemas was just sooo uhm, I dunno, unconducive? haha. I returned to Soan and tried eating again but I really was feeling it. Oh no! This time I couldn't couldn't control it and so I literally ran to the Kid's section of the department store and voila! Success! Hahaha! OMG! I really am sooo embarassed! I also cannot believe that I actually ran there. I was even debating on whether to ran down the escalator but then, us brats have this mean thing for people who ran down the escalator. We find it really funny. Try imagining it, you're walking down the escalator while it's going down. It looks so "astronauty" to us. haha. Meanies. Well, that was only part of the reason. I couldn't do it too co'z I just couldn't overtake those two cute boys in front of me. I mean, hello?? Can anyone spell dyahe? Haha. Besides, I was a girl on a mission. Destination? CR. =P My hands were so cold that time already and I really didn't know what to do anymore. I mean, Mama! help! I want you here now! Hahaha! Glad that God was really nice to me and glad too that I can run fast! Kidding! But seriously, this is one of my really, really memorable and embarassing moments as well. Hihi. =)

Oh! Before I forget, I shared it simply co'z there's really nothing weird about it. I mean, I dare anyone to tell me they don't poop at all or that their fart ain't smelly or something. Rrr.

1:30pm: Since it was our last day of duty, Ate Ehlen wanted to buy us merienda as what she promised yesterday. She made me buy a box of 6 of Go Nuts donuts. Soan and I wanted to treat them to something too so we decided to buy a bag of White cheddar popcorn. Wow. I can't wait for merienda time! Argh. Pau was even teasing me about this saying I couldn't eat any finger food after my uhm.. really, awkward activity at Rob. Haha! Excuse me girl but I washed my hands after! Hmft! Hahahaha!

4:30pm: Finally! We're almost done with our shift! Time to do our TRD. Soan did hers first since I wasn't done with my work yet. After her, I just went to her computer and did mine there too. Well, while we were joking around, I suddenly saw someone stand by the shelf next to where I was seated. Uh-oh. I didn't pay heed to it at first co'z I may just have eyestrain or something. Soan and I laughed some more, ate doughnuts, and munched on popcorn. But then, I thought I saw it again-- but this time, I'm pretty sure I really saw him. Nyay. He was leaning on the shelf like some student who was peering over what we were doing or someone who was waiting for someone to attend to him. It was really freaky. I saw him. I didn't look up any further to look at his face co'z I was scared he might still be bloody or something. Argh! I just turned to Soan and giddily said, "may sasabihin ako sa'yo mamaya". She said okay but I found out she thought I had some random gossip about Ate Ehlen. Nyay. No dear, no. It's freakier than that. Poo. I hate it. I mean, why oh why couldn't my SA experience just end without me having such an encounter?? Yeah, I know, maybe he was saying goodbye to us but dude! You don't really have to! Really, you don't! Haha.

Soan then said that sometimes she feels like someone was opening the door-- something I felt too. She also said that it was really cold in that area. I immediately remembered the time that Ate Ehlen was supervising our work and she approached Jhayzelle (another SA) who was then at that place and commented on how it was too cold there. She even asked me (who was only about five steps away) if it was really cold in my place too. Rawr. Ate!!! There's an effin' dead guy hanging around the office! Uh-oh!

7:00pm: I went online at Mom's office and guess who I saw? Ney. yeah, him. I'm on the mission to avoid him and not risk feeling depressed anymore so I just went offline immediately. Grr. I don't need the depression again. I mean, I was already feeling bad that Miggy was leaving for his Southeast Asian tour and would apparently be gone for 3 months. I didn't need to have another of my bubbles popped by some other guy. Argh. Kind of sucks too co'z when we went home, it was raining and we were playing my Callalily cd in the car. Poo. It was too dramatic for me. But then, for what it's worth, I miss them-- all of them. 'Nuff said.

There! let's end it at that for now. Hahaha! =) I still can't believe my last SA duty day would end like that. Rawr. What a really weird day for me. It's like I can't classify it anymore. It has every emotion! Happiness, sorrow, fear, humiliation, and what-nots. This is definitely one of the days I'd be filing in my "most memorable moments" book. Rar. I can almost imagine what the book of my life would be like-- thick and full of "crappy" moments like this. Hahaha! Pun!

hahaha. I dunno. I just wanted to post this pic. Haha.

When the world hands you lemons...

2007-05-24T21:26:00.000+08:00

current addiction: listening to Jam

playlist favorite: Signal Fire- Snowpatrol

...make lemonade! Make lots and lots of lemonade! Hahaha!=) Well, there goes my sanity again. hihi. =) anyhow, I am a bit lazy but excited to blog so I guess I'd do an extreme random post without regard to coherence, organization or sentence construction anymore. Haha.

♥ Gawd, I'm torn! It's my last day at work tomorrow and I am thrilled beyond words that I can finally get a vacation but then I know that I'd be missin' all the great people I work with. They're so nice that I feel like I'm being bad or something for not finishing my supposed duty schedule which should last up to the 31st. Nyay. Stop all the guilt Ninin! You need a vacation! Argh. It's just that last night I was complaining about my job but today, Ma'm Grace treated us to lunch which would be a sort of despidida thing for the SAs. Wow, isn't she so sweet? Ate Ehlen even said she'd be treating us to merienda tomorrow. Aww.. you guys are the best! They really are! I will surely miss them. *sniff, sniff*

♥ Yehey! My computer's finally gonna be fixed on Sunday! hooray! I really can't wait to do a new layout. I actually feel distracted at work co'z I keep visualizing what I want this time. I am so undecided! Hahaha. =)

♥ Wow, the weather is sooo great! It's raining again! I love it soooo much! It's like the rain washes away all pains, sorrows, and anything else that might be bothering me. I love it sooo much!

♥ Oh, I feel really tired already. I need to sleep a bit early so I'd have energy for my last day at work. Shucks. I still can't get over it. Wow. Last day tomorrow! The joy! *clap,clap*

♥ I am sooo falling in love with Jam 88.3. I know I've always been fond of that. It's actually my second favorite, the first being Campus Radio but I dunno, it's like, it's really making me feel unusually happy. Hahaha! It's so comforting and I swear, the tracks they play is really is soooo me! I feel good co'z part of me feels like I've finally found someone/something who knows what I like and does his best to satisfy me. haha. As if the station does that in purpose-- not!

♥ I really don't get why it's important to know the blood pressure. Like my mom and ninang asks me to take their BP everytime they feel bad. Like, what would taking their BP do? I mean, so what if you know it's high? It's supposed to be high! You're feeling bad! You have a headache, of course your blood pressure would get affected! Argh. The thing I really hate about it is that, they don't do anything about it. It's like they just want to know! But then, what would knowing your bp do for you? It won't cure you for crying out loud! I hate it so much. I don't like that task and I really don't see its importance or relevance. Grr.

Well, that's it! I'm going to read the paper now (something I'm starting to grow fond of) and then I'm off to bed. Goodnight people! Love y'all!

All work and no play makes you.. uhm.

2007-05-23T21:07:00.000+08:00

current addiction: tinkering with my computer

playlist favorite: It ends tonight- AAR

Why is it that people keep staring at me at times when I feel so unglam and thrashy? Well, maybe co'z that's exactly it, I look unglam and thrashy. Hahaha! Nice one. But I dunno. I mean, I look at the mirror and I don't look that bad. Maybe my hair is in a mess but not really co'z my hair has that great gift of looking great even when it's all in a jumble. Think: sexy, just got out of bed locks. oohh. hotness! hahaha. =) Anyhow, I was really feeling thrashy and lousy at the end of the day co'z I was just sooo tired from my SA shift which lasted a whooping 8 hours! nyay. Well, I was tired, hungry, feeling jolts of pain in different parts of my body, well, that would definitely explain my lousyness. haha! Well, that's really what baffles me. The whole time I was waiting for my mom at HP, people kept looking at me like I was a celeb or something. I know for a fact that I didn't really call attention to myself co'z for one, I was merely sitting in one of those plant boxes and it was weird that they still notice me there. hmm... really weird. And yeah, weirdest part is, that continued up to when we were buying veggies in our village. nyay. Did I look that bad?? Hahaha. Whatev. Well, my day didn't exactly start that unglam y'know! It actually began with me feeling modelish and totally gorgeous...

...yeah, and because I felt that way, I decided to do a model walk while crossing UN avenue. Hahaha! How more pathetic can I get?? Whatever! It was just really perfect! I mean, the weather was great, there wasn't a lot of cars, there was wind in my hair, the only thing missin' was a hoard of photographers! hahaha! It was really hilarious! I can't believe I actually did my model walk there. Hahaha! The tri-whatever driver even commented on it. So someone did notice! hahaha:) I love it sooo much! Today, UN, tomorrow, Paris!-- and I'm not just talking about the actual road okay? hahaha =)

Well, after that, I spent the entire day at my SA job. Gawd, is it sooo tiring! I know that I already have it good already co'z I just have to input SETs all day but sitting all day and typing 1-2-3s can get pretty tiring y'know! The job's so stagnant, and really, really, really, boring! Rar! The pay is no consolation too considering the going rate is only at 25php per hour. Like hello?? hahaha. =) Well, got no choice now. I applied, got the job and I just have to stick it out. Grr! I am sooo stupid!

*sighs* I feel really tired now. What makes me tired-er(?) is my monitor. The colors are really wrong. I can't see well. It's too yellowish and green and grr! poo. I hate it. But I can't do anything for now. Hope it gets fixed soon. I really hope so. I am sooo dying to do a new layout. haha. and oh yeah, I feel bad too co'z all my mp3s are gone! Huhuhu.. :( Gosh. I hate it. Well, I just have to rejoice with the fact that I have my computer back. hehe.

Oh well. Enough for now. I am waaayyy tired already. I still have to go to work early tomorrow. Bye people! I missed you all! I really did! Love yah lots! mwah!

Boom baby!

2007-05-22T23:36:00.000+08:00

current addiction: bingeing
playlist favorite: Charm me- Wake up your seatmate

Yeah baby! I'm back! Whoopdedoo! I am sooo loving this! More than a week of no computer almost killed me! Yay! I'm finally back! Oh the joy! *clap, clap, clap* yahoo! =) Well, it's not yet perfect yet-- my computer that is. I dunno why but when I returned the CPU, my monitor got damaged(?). The colors are all wrong now, like I'm running on safe mode when I am not. Argh! I am hating it co'z it's so frustrating how I just can't get what I want. I mean, I waited so long for this and now, something else has just got to go amiss. Dang! Well, I guess I just have to wait a while. Maybe, maybe, maybe this is gonna be fixed soon. *sighs* Guess I have to just be happy for now with the fact that I have my computer back! Yay! =) The downside is, I won't be able to create a new layout-- well, that is, for now. *wink!

p.s. I am sooo baffled why my blog has a lot of pop-ups. Like hello?! It is sooo irritating! As if they're paying me for advertising their products-- not! Grr! well, if you guys know a way to stop the pop-ups, tell me okay? *kiss!

A Star is born!

2007-05-05T11:31:00.000+08:00

current addiction: listening to Jam
playlist favorite: Ghost of a Good thing- DC

...and sad to say, it is not me. Haha! Well, I think it's about time that you actually read something that isn't all about me and my dreams of stardom. Haha!

I guess I want this post to be a sort of congratulatory gift to my dear Ate Sue for starring in Ang Buhay ay Pelikula, a play presented in no less than the Little theater of the Cultural Center of the Philippines! Wow girl! You're one step closer to Hollywood! Don't forget about me when you get there, okay? *wink!

me with the zee star. Isn't she just lovely?

Anyhoo... While I was hanging out at the CCP lobby, I saw a lot of teens who were taking summer workshops there. Inevitably, I'd see a lot of ballerinas too. As expected, the green-eyed monster striked again! Gawd, I swear, I'd forever be soooo envious of ballet dancers and I'd surely be feeling regret everytime I see people taking ballet class. Sheesh. I was even thinking if it's really too late to ballet lessons. Hmm... I know, it's embarassing to start ballet when you're already this old but I dunno... waddya think guys?

Hayy... I just love ballerinas. I love looking at them, at how graceful they are. How light weighted they seem. How their bodies seem so elegantly sexy. How they all look so glamourous with their hair up in a bun. Yes, everything about them is sooo appealing to me. Even the way they walk looks cool. Haha. I dunno. I guess I just have a huge fixation on them. *sighs* Maybe one day... yes, maybe soon, I'd be one of them. Oh I hope it's not too late...

See?

2007-05-03T20:37:00.000+08:00

current addiction: shopping

playlist favorite: Thanks for the memories- Fall out boy

Argh! I feel a bit sucky today. First because I am sooo tired from shopping and scouting Rob Galleria for the perfect luau dress. Second, co'z my mom didn't treat me to dinner which I was looking forward to considering I only had 4 dumplings for lunch. Third, co'z my mom won't let me to go to Rea's luau. Fourth, co'z I hate it that I bought a dress I won't be using anyway. Drat!

I feel super, super, weak and sucky. I thought this day would end great considering it started out fun. I mean, a day spent shopping is really going to be fun no matter what! It's even better co'z I bagged a really cute dress today. I just feel bad that I won't be able to wear it anyway. Dang! I should've just bought another thing with my money. Gawd. I feel sooo sucky.

Sheesh. See how the the saying, "we can't always have everything we want" proves true here? Dang! Why does reality always have to slap me so hard?

Fuzzyness

2007-05-02T21:47:00.000+08:00

current addiction: rigging the reflexive games

playlist favorite: I Don't Love You- MCR

Laugh, laugh, laugh! Haha! I feel a bit loco again right now. hahaha! It's just that I had a really fun day spent mostly with Soan dearest.=) First we bonded over pizza bread and milk tea at school which I must say is one the things I'll forever remember about the UP cas canteen. Haha! Afterwards we went around rob to find the perfect luau dress for my dear behbeh Rea's debut on Saturday. I've sorta found a really cool summer-y but also sort of formal dress at Pieces but its simplicity is the problem. I mean, it was too simple for its 820pesos tag price. Even Kat and Soan agrees. *sighs* Gawd, where will I find the perfect dress?? I want that one but I also want it to be cheaper. php600 would do. Really! Well, afterwards, we met up with Pau at Mcdonalds, chatted a lot and then went to school just to be met with the best news yet! No classes! Whoopdedoo! Spiderman 3, here we come! Hahaha! Since Pau already saw it and she and Kat had a class at 2pm, the movie thingy ended up as a movie date between me and dear Soan. Haha! As if we haven't been going on dates a lot lately anyway! hahaha=)

Anyhoo, we watched Spidey at Shang. I was even sooo excited to go there co'z Soan found an LRT card in school which she gave to me and she was pretty sure someone just dropped it and that it still had credit left. Well, she was right! Hahaha! It still had 68php! Hahaha! Well, if you dropped an LRT card at UP cas, RH robby, near the door, then hey, I got your card! Sorry, I used it! I'll just pay you back. =) Anyhoo... fast forward to Shang... I was really scared at first co'z I was wearing a summer-y outfit which basically composed of a spag strapped top and boho skirt. Oh, Hi Summer! haha=) Well, rumor is, cinemas in Shang is supposed to be freezing inside (not that it was the only cinema like that!). I was scared that I might just freeze to death or get frostbite and they'd just have to pull me out using ice picks and lay me on a stretcher or something. Haha! What a wild imagination I have! Tsk,tsk! Oh well, today, I sort of disproved the rumors! Yeah baby! I didn't freeze to death! In fact, I didn't feel the cold! Whatta??! hahaha=) Seriously, I didn't! That's why you really shouldn't believe in rumors, y'know! Gossip is gossip. Period.

Well, how was Spiderman 3? Hot. Simply oozing with sex appeal. I tell you guys, it's a really sexy and cool movie! It's a really great summer movie! It's not yet the best movie of the year co'z no doubt, 300 still holds that title but Spiderman 3 can be safely labelled as the best Spiderman movie to date! Hahaha! =)

After that really fun movie date with Soan and her sisters Jasm and Mehlaine (hey girls! it was fun hanging out w/ you guys. We should do it again. haha!), I went back to my mama's office to hang out. Before I went there, I bought food at Mcdonalds (again! oohh... supersize me!) co'z my mom was hungry already. We ate a lot of food and talked a lot too. Yeah, I love bonding with my mom. It's always ever sooo fun! =)

Well, that's it! Yeah, yeah, yeah! I had a really fun day overall. I've got another cool day ahead tomorrow which will most likely be spent at Galleria. Hahaha! Gawd, when did I ever become such a gimikera?? Nyay.

Oh well. Whatev. Hihi;) I'm actually laughing my butt off right now co'z I'm super enjoying Fall out boy's vid of Thanks for the Memories. It's the best ever! Sooo funny! The monkeys are so irritating but hilarious too! I love it when one of those arrogant chimps placed her hand all over Pete! Oh gawd, I couldn't stop laughing! So hilarious! Oooh! Oooh! I even had a really great discovery a few weeks ago! I found the cologne-slash-deodorant Pete used in that vid! Yeah baby! I would totally buy that once I get money. (as if, it's that expensive! not!) haha!

Well, enjoy the vid! You'll totally love it!

When stupidity strikes, it strikes hard!

2007-04-30T22:06:00.000+08:00

current addiction: creating a new layout (do I need to?)
playlist favorite: Ender Will Save us all- DC

pre-script(? haha. imbento!) I am totally digging my new cursor! It's sooo cute! hahaha! Well, I'm debating on whether to make a new layout or not. Whaddya think guys?

Argh! How much more stupider can I get?? Gawd. I feel so moronic right now. Haha! Okay, okay. I am exaggerating again (as usual). It's just that I had my first exam in Math today (which I have to honestly say wasn't that hard) and I chanced upon a question that I misinterpreted which made me totally miss out on some badly-needed points! Dang! The worst thing is, I knew how to solve it, in fact I was even the one who taught that to my friends. Can you believe I was the one who got that wrong?? Oh dog poo. I am such a dumb-ass!

Oh well. Maybe I should just be grateful that at least I got through that test alive! haha! And to think that I only started to study for it last night at 11pm. Haha! That's what I call cramming! Thank God Soan woke me up from all my procrastinating. See, she texted me last night reminding me of our meeting at 8 (which by the way I was sooo late for! Sorry dear!) and I told her I haven't studied yet. She was shocked and asked what I have been doing all day. That's when it hit me! I honestly do not know! What have I been doing?!? Sheesh. I couldn't answer her question and because of that I sort of woke up from my dreaming and ended my procrastination. Haha! Thank you so much dear!

Well, the exam is done! Finally! I am thrilled beyond words that at least this time I didn't come out of the room rattled and with a bad headache. Now, I even managed to smile a bit although my whole body was literally shaking from fear! Gawd! I don't want to see the results! Not yet please! I just don't want to pop my happiness bubble right now. Rar.

To somehow reward myself for finishing the exam, I shopped again. Haha! Yeah baby! It was only for a while but I managed to snag another dress! Hahaha! I'm getting addicted to buying dresses nowadays. Blame the weather! It's so freakin' hot in this country that I hardly even want to wear anything at all anymore! Ooohh! I have a really embarassing story about this! Hahaha! See, last friday, I wore a dress-slash-tunic to school. Okay, okay, it's a tunic! But it was really long and much, much cuter as a dress so there! haha! Well, my mom hasn't seen me wear it yet so I didn't know whether it was good or not. It was sort of loose and admittedly, really not suited to be worn without leggings or something underneath. But because I am such a hard-headed girl who was also too lazy to look for another outfit, I went out wearing only that. Haha!

Well, it felt a bit awkward co'z it was loose, kind of sheer and even had a slit in the sides. Haha, you could only imagine me tugging on my "dress" the whole time! Stupid me! Well, since I'm the sort of girl who always stands up for her decisions, I just let go and didn't mind when people looked at me. Hey, who knows if they're staring co'z they find me beautiful or something?? Haha. Airhead!

Anyhoo, I went everywhere wearing that "dress". I even went shopping and rode a jeepney clad in that skimpy attire. Gawd, I knew it was not really great considering that at times I didn't feel comfortable in it-- like I left my shorts somewhere else. Sheesh. Well, I didn't let it bother me and I soon arrived at mama's office. Well, while walking towards her room I chanced upon her at the corridor. She had a big grin on her face upon seeing me but when I was already getting nearer her, her smile slowly faded. I swear, I was holding my breath at that moment co'z I just knew she didn't like my outfit. Nyay. Well, I was right! Oh gawd! She told me it looked awkward co'z it was really big on me. Hahaha!=) Well whatever! At least that was her only comment! =P

Anyhow, I'm done being really stupid. I blame the weather! This is what I call major attribution! Haha! Hmft! Whatever! I still blame the weather! I am not naturally this stupid y'know! I'm telling you! It's really the weather's fault! haha. Yeah Ninin, keep justifying your utter dumbness! sheesh.

Ding ding dong!

2007-04-29T21:03:00.000+08:00

current addiction: bingeing
playlist favorite: Boston- Augustana

I just had to post something co'z I am a bit bothered. Yeah. It's just that I no longer know what I'm supposed to feel anymore. I know that I've said that we don't need to know exactly what we're feeling. That's it's okay to be confused... well maybe, this is the reason I wanted to blog-- because I am confused.

Why?

Because I am such a damn secretive person.

I think maybe I am bothered this much because I don't tell anyone my problems. I don't tell anyone what's bothering me much more what's up with my life right now. *sighs* I dunno. Sometimes I can't understand myself anymore. Like, why do I have to be sooo secretive all the time?? Honestly, I am starting to break right now. I badly, badly need a confidante but unfortunately, my one confidante is no longer within my reach...

So, what's bothering me?

Well, don't expect me to be tell you exactly what those are co'z it's still my secret. It's just that I want to tell someone, anyone what I'm feeling... It's doesn't matter if you don't give me advise, I'm good with the thought that at least I was able to channel all my emotions somewhere.

... Should I stay or should I go? Dang, why does it have to be up to me? I can't decide. I am torn. Part of me wants to go simply because I don't want to regret anything but another part is scared and just wants to stay. I can no longer breathe. It's bothering me a lot. I cry at night because of this. It scares me... I have to decide immediately but I honestly don't know whether what I'm doing is right or wrong. Help.

... I just want to be contented with what I have right now. Isn't that possible? I feel so tired of always trying to improve, trying to reach for the star, trying to constantly keep up with everyone else. I want to slow down! I am already feeling weak and people demanding that I keep up and try to lead the race is only making me feel pressured. I am breaking... Sometimes I just want to pack up and leave, and start a new life somewhere where I can slow down, reassess myself and try to move forward slowly and gently.

... I'm tired of always trying to please and satisfy everybody. I know I'm doing this simply because I don't want people to know that something is bothering me. I don't want them to worry about me and in a way I want to satisfy them co'z I feel like I'd be letting them down in the end so I have to do my best to make them all happy now. It's complicated but as always, I can't say why it is.

... Could all the flattery stop for now? I know I feel happy when people say good things about me but then it also makes me sooo sad because I know that I won't be able to reach their expectations. I won't be that girl they all envision me to be. I just won't. My life is much more complicated than what they think. I just can't be the Ninin you all want me to be. That won't happen. Don't try to psychoanalyze me or something, it's much too complicated than a mere lack of self-confidence on my part.

... Maybe when you see me, I'm always happy, but behind, I'm a lonely clown.. I'm slowly getting tired of putting on this facade. I know I'm doing this because I don't want other people's lives be miserable because of the complications of my life. I don't want my friends and other people have lousy days because I'm feeling low and uninspired. Others shouldn't suffer because of me.

... Damn! I am getting sooo tired of all these. I don't want to cry and self-pity because I hate self-pitying. My heart is breaking though and sometimes I can no longer do anything productive because my mind is so cluttered. It's also the reason for all my pigging out (notice my current addictions). Honestly, I just want to remain in my room all the time and try to find myself once again but then, I also want to spend time with my friends co'z I want this summer to be great, not spent mopping around and medidating by myself. I dunno. I guess I just need some time alone and a little space.

... I want everything else to be sort of mediocre from now on. I don't want to feel happy anymore co'z it makes me feel sadder at the same time.

... I don't want to think of the future anymore co'z part of me doesn't know where I'm going to be in the near future. I am so unsure of the things I might be doing. Everything is so dependent on one big decision I have to make. It's going to make me or break me. It's not simple but it's the only way I get to know what's in store for me in the days to come. It's like everything else is hanging-- like I'm in a limbo or something and I can't move forward and make plans in the future without me making that decision first. I hate it.

My confusion is really starting to depress me. But in a way I'm glad that I did this post co'z at least, I get to write down exactly what's bothering me. My post itself is confusing, just like what I'm currently feeling. Sorry about that. Sorry too if I'm stupid, if I'm dumb, if I'm acting like a huge dramaqueen again. Sorry but I just cannot pretend anymore. Sorry.

Got cake?

2007-04-28T21:57:00.001+08:00

current addiction: pigging out and shopping
playlist favorite: Broken hearts and concrete floors- Dashboard Confessional

Dang, I need to go out of the country fast! Beijing, Canada, Florida, anywhere! You can even fly me to the moon for all I care! Just get me outta here co'z I am sooo dying of boredom! Gawd.

I dunno why but it's like I'm already getting bored of living in this country. Like I don't get excited to go to malls or other recreational places anymore co'z they all seem alike to me. I mean, they all have the same stores, the stores offer the same style of clothing and other merchandise. Even the restaurants are all the same, it's like in a way they all taste the same to me or something. I dunno. It's just that I can't find in them what I'm looking for. I need uniqueness! Individuality! Someplace that really stands out! Sadly, I can't seem to find that here in Manila. Oh dang, why is my life getting so stagnant and boring??

Gosh. I don't really know why I'm feeling this way. Like nothing satisfies me anymore. I am always on the prowl for stuff to make me happy but it feels like I'm merely settling for what's available, ergo all the mediocrity. Shoot. This really sucks so y'know especially for someone like me who absolutely hates mediocrity. Drat.

Anyhoo... Since I cannot do anything about it anyway and even more because I am one who is always ever so hopeful, I have been going to different malls and eating everything I can get my hands on just to satisfy whatever it is that depresses me. Haha! Well, what have my scouting gotten me? 2 dresses and an additional 5 pounds of pure fat. The former sort of makes me happy because anything that involves shopping and me making a transaction is always a picker-upper for me but the latter I swear is what I hate the most. Dang, I'm getting sooo fat already! And not just that! Because of my bingeing and my search for the perfect cake (ergo the title), I got nothing but stomach pains for four days straight! I dunno why but I just can't seem to satisfy myself. It's like since it was the only thing available to me, I just jump on it and eat like a pig but no matter how much I eat I just couldn't stop the cravings! I hate it sooo much! Well, if you know of a really, really, great cake here in the country, tell me, okay? I am still craving for this right now even if I'm currently experiencing jolts of pain in my stomach co'z of the honey cake I just ate. Dang!

Hmm... Actually, my mom has been warning me to slow down on the sweets co'z I am again feeling heart pains and instances of palpitation plus asthma attacks-- signs that my heart is failing again. Rar. I can't go back to my cardio this early co'z the last time I was there was only last November. It hasn't even been 6 months yet! No! Besides, I don't want to go back on medication for my heart again. I'm done with that! I'm perfectly happy with the vitamins and maintainance drugs I'm on. Argh! Oh well... maybe I should really slow done with the sweets. I have to admit, it is making me feel a bit weak. And yeah, in a way I find it disturbing and uncomfortable. Rawr. Goodbye ice cream, goodbye cake, goodbye shakes, goodbye floats, oh goodbye bliss!-- for now. Haha! I mean, I won't go on living like this the whole summer y'know! Hell no! I'll stay away for a while until I feel a bit better already and then it's back to indulging myself in heaven once again. haha! Yeah baby! Nothing's gonna stop me from eating all the good food in this world! I mean, it's summer for crying out loud! It's time to indulge yourself in ice creams and shakes! Besides, my fridates with dearie would be incomplete without good food! Right Soan? *wink!*

Well, aside from eating. I have been shopping a bit too co'z I am on the search for the perfect luau dress. It's my behbeh's debut on the 5th and I just have to come there no matter what! It's gonna be a luau so I have to find the perfect laidback, summery, but semi-formal attire. I really, really want a dress co'z it's perfect plus, this season makes me want to wear sunny, fun clothes like dresses. Oh well... I'm still on the look out for it. I want it to be perfect but I also want it to fit my budget which I've put on 800php or less. Yeah, I know it's a bit small for a dresss budget but I know there's a dress like that for me out there! It's just waiting to be found! Grr. I am sooo craving to go to Vietnam right now! There are a lot of really great dresses there! Tsk,tsk! Gosh, I am slowly starting to feel regret coming over me. Oooohhh.... the pain!

Hahaha=) Oh well... Maybe I just shouldn't expect that much from anyone or anywhere. I should not hope too much so I won't get disappointed. Yeah, admittedly, I just wanna go look for somewhere my cravings could be satisfied, somewhere unique that'll make me feel refreshed but since I am still stuck here in humid Manila, then I guess I just have to hang in there and find ways to amuse myself. Hmm... Pancakes, anyone?

I'm the new it girl!

2007-04-26T18:38:00.000+08:00

current addiction: eating out
playlist favorite: When we die- Bowling for soup

Move over Hollywood, the next teen superstar has arrived! Roll out the red carpet for... *drumroll* Princess Ninin! Hahaha=) Oh gawd, please excuse my airheadedness. =P

Sheesh. The dramaqueen in me has been unleashed once again. I dunno what's with me and all the drama this past month. I know I've already shared with you guys how I tend to be a dramaqueen at times but now, it seems like my being one is becoming more and more apparent each day. Haha!

Well, the real reason I want to write about this is because I am feeling more and more like a celebrity now. haha! You can pop my airy head like now. I won't get mad. Promise! Haha! *wink!* Hmm... it's just that whenever I go to malls, buildings, and other places, people notice me. It's sort of not right for me to assume this but I dunno, it's like it is undeniable anyway co'z aside from looking, they sometimes utter remarks or perform a nonverbal. I mean, how can you not assume then when their actions are pretty much very clear? Well, whatev. Haha.=) I guess the thing is, I feel a bit confused on why they're acting this way. Hey, do I resemble a celebrity or something? Am I featured in a magazine that I don't know of? Gawd, it's so hard to think of this, but do I have a fabricated video scandal going around the metro?? Sheesh. This is driving me loco! Ah! Maybe all I have is a huge stamp on my head that says, "loser". Haha!

Well, it happened again(swear, it happened more than 10x since the 16th!) today while Soan and I were eating at Ja tu Jak in MOA. We were gazing out the resto when a group of uhmm... ugly, construction-worker-slash-THs, passed by the resto. One of 'em started to wave at me. I was pretty sure he was waving co'z he did it three times! After that, he even pulled one of his friends and waved again. Gawd, what's with him?? I mean, I know we're phat but hey, we're not celebs or anything! Hahaha! Hmmm... my other theory about this which is like really, really, boastful and assuming of me is that people can't believe they're seeing two really hot girls together. Ooohhh... that's is sooo gossip-girl like! Can you say Serena and Blair? Hahaha! I'm such an airhead!

Hmm... well, I dunno. I guess I just feel like the instances are getting more and more frequent now. I mean, even the ladies, they sort of give us extra attention. Like, huh? Why??

Well, sorry if I am acting like a huge airhead it's just that Soan and I have been baffled by this and we'd really like to know why. And yeah, in a way I have to admit, I am bothered by this because I am a dramaqueen. I tend to exaggerate some things and cast myself as the star of my own movie. Haha! Well, hollywood, here I come! You want a new "it" girl? Well then, wait for me at JFK airport. I'll be there in a jiffy! Taxxxiiiii!!!!

So me

2007-04-23T23:15:00.000+08:00

current addiction: pigging out. rawr.

playlist favorite: it ends tonight- all american rejects

yeah, this is sooo me to not post for a couple of days just because I want to perfect the entry I was writing. Gawd, am I pathetic or what?? Sheesh. Anyhow, I'm pretty sure I won't be moving on until I post that entry so I guess this is just to explain my unusual absence. Haha!=) Oh well... please excuse my extreme weirdness and perfectionism. This is just so me. Gawd.

--edited--

I feel so elated. Haha! A classmate of mine commented on how I should try to audition as a model. Wow! Like, you honestly think I am cut out for that?? What's even funny is that she only saw one picture of me and it wasn't even a modelesque shot. haha.=)

She really made my day! She kept on pushing me to audition. She even thought I could be a commercial model but since I told her I don't dig that stuff and would rather prefer to model for a magazine or in an advertisement, she just insisted I join Philippines' next top model or go on the Candy Teen model search. Oh dear, if only I had the guts, I would! Hahaha! I dunno. Part of me just wants to be discovered by a talent scout somewhere while another part insists that I actually do something to become the supermodel I dream to be. Hmm.. I told my friend that if an opportunity comes, I would grab it without anymore second thought and once I become a supermodel, she'd be the first person I'd thank. Haha! =) Aaahhh... If only my dreams could become reality...

Copycats, copycats. Rawr!

2007-04-18T14:56:00.000+08:00

current addiction: finding out what happened to whoever
playlist favorite: Ingat Ka- Silent Sanctuary

oh dog poo! I am sooo hating my cousin right now! Damn all the copycats in the world! Can you please try to be unique sometimes?? It's sooo irritating already!-- yeah, especially if you keep on copying me up to the gritty little details. Goodness! If you want people to like you, be yourself! If you like something about someone, do embrace the new thing and adapt it in your life without necessarily copying everything about the other person. Poo. I really am hating Kym right now. Like duh?!? I'm not stupid girl! I know why you try to copy everything about me. I don't want to sound airheaded but I know it's because you think it's cooler to be me. Damn, girl! You're already cool on your own! Y'know what would make you really uncool? Once people realize that you're not really the person you claim to be. Yah, I swear, that would be the day you'd regret being such a copycat in the first place. Tsk,tsk! Gawd. I really hate you. I mean, you know that I hate copycats. In fact you know that well enough to have copied that part too in my profile. And yeah, you should also know me by now-- that when I say something, I really mean it. When I say I love one thing, I truly am passionate about it-- it's not merely so I can look cool or so I can be "in". Gawd, damn you Kym. I am sooo hating you right now. Sheesh, it even hurts me to think that what my mom has been telling me before might be true-- that the only reason you get Journalism awards in school is because you steal my compositions. Argh Kym, I don't want to think that's true but after this and numerous other simple "copying" acts you've done, I can't help believe it. I feel really hurt and betrayed. I am fuming with anger because you've joined the wagon--the wagon full of my copycats. I can't believe you've added to the list. *shakes head*

Oh! And yah, and don't even try to deny it. It's sooo obvious! I mean, guys, look at my profile and compare it with this. Read the about me portion too, she copied it verbatim!

Gawd, all the copycats in the world are starting to annoy me once again. I don't even know why but whenever they strike, they strike all at once. Just the other day, one of my copycats striked now, another one striked again. Sheesh! All the copying! Don't you guys ever get tired?? Co'z I honestly am getting sooooo tired already. I really hate you guys sooo much. Like why to have to do it? It really makes me sooo mad to think that sometimes you're just saying something to look cool or you take what I say word for word co'z you think it's good. Please... it's flattering but I'd rather not have you flatter me this way. It's already breaking my heart.

Y'know guys, the secret to being me? It's being unique-- of knowing what you really want and not conforming to the norms. Of developing your own style, finding out what makes you happy, of being genuinely passionate about something, and of constantly being true to yourself That's it! You don't have to copy me or anyone else for that matter to be cool. Being cool cannot be imposed on someone. It comes naturally. I mean, people are not stupid! That's why there are posers in this world.

I feel sooooo mad right now. I mean, I have worked extra hard to define myself-- to find out who I really am, what I honestly, honestly like, how I do things, and even how I write. Seeing someone else copy my style and everything else about me is irritating because I know that they're not truly passionate about that. Oh please, this is driving me insane! I swear, my heart is breaking right now. I just want to cry and be mad and scream my head off.

Oh please, please copycats, I plead to you. Stop copying me. Stop trying to be me. It's useless. You can never be me. Besides, I am not perfect. You'd just get disappointed. Also, I am one who endorses uniqueness and individuality and you can't really have those things if you keep on being a copycat. Try to find out things on your own. Go on a soul-searching/ self-defining journey-- that's what I did. Be concrete about your feelings, about your likes, about everything else about yourself. I mean, if you're doing this just to be "cool" then I'm telling you, you're doing it the wrong way. The best way to be the coolest person ever is to be UNIQUE. I mean, one becomes cool simply because there is no other person in the world like him.

Ephemeral Bliss

2007-04-17T21:31:00.000+08:00

current addiction: listening to my silent sanctuary album
playlist favorite: All at Once- The Fray

Whoever said that "there is always a rainbow after the storm" hit it right on! Yeah guys, I am sooo happy to tell you all that I am now basking in the joy of my ephemeral bliss. =)

Yeah, yeah, I know that this probably is just temporary much like all the times I have experienced bliss but what the heck! Whatever. I will live in the moment bey-beh!

I really am just floating in ecstacy right now. I didn't expect my day to be this perfect. I know, I know, I am exaggerating a bit but then after like weeks of sadness and depression, a tiny glimpse of joy like this is tantamount to heaven for me. =)

Yeah baby! This is how all my summer days should be like. Whoopdedoo! Well, well, well, what are the things that made me act all perky? haha.

1. Ack! Lack of sleep is on top of the list of course! hahaha! yeah, this is what sleep deprivation can do for you! =P I woke up extra early this morning co'z I accompanied my mom to the doctor for her sputum test which can only be taken between 5:30- 6:00am. Yeah, and to think she has to take the test at Manila Doctors. Gawd, we're from Cavite for crying out loud! That would mean, leaving home, extra, extra, extra early. Haha! Well, I can't exactly complain co'z the sleep deprivation is all my fault. Daym Fairy Godmother tycoon for keeping me up all night! haha.=) Well, it was also sooo embarassing co'z I kept falling asleep in the hospital. I didn't let anyone bother me or stop me from napping. =P yeah, baby, it's a free country! So what if they see me drool? I don't care! hahaha =)

2. Hey there Kittykat! How've you been?? Hahaha. =) This is one of the top things that really made my day super, super special. hahaha! yeah, seeing him was a really sweet surprise. I mean, I didn't expect to see him, heck, I didn't even hope to see him. Well, that's why it's called a surprise and yeah, I did get surprised. Hahaha! =) Oh! btw, what's with the boots Kitty? You imitating the lone ranger or something? *wink! peace man!

3. Hooray! I am now an official Student Assistant! I am super happy about this! Yeah, finally! A way for me to earn a little cash. Haha. I have to emphasize little because you can't really count on UP to pay their employees well. Nyay. That's what you get from a public institution. Tsk! Oh well. How much is the going rate? 25 pesos per hour. Hahahaha! Gawd! That is soooo pathetic! Haha! But then, that's better than nothing. Besides, I won't be doing anything anyway so earning a little cash while bumming around is something I'd still prefer any day! haha! yeahboi! Tomorrow's the day! Whoopdedoo!

4. Saw my other crush today. Haha! Yeah Soan, I'm talking about my old blind item. Hahaha! Yeah, I'm sooo happy! I still like looking at him. Haha. I dunno... I mean, he's not that great-looking. Hell, you can't really expect to find a lot of cute guys in UP Manila anyway. =P He is I guess what I call, not bad. Haha! I really am mean when it comes to these things. Can you believe I sometimes rate guys?? Haha. Well, I'm just giving them a taste of their own medicine. Yeah, I still can't get over the time when a certain group of cute guys rated us a 7. Exxcuusseee me! I am a 10, thank you very much! haha. =)

5. Waahhh!!! Fuchsiang Pag-ibig! hahaha!-- no, I am not swearing! haha! That's Silent Sanctuary's album and since their album launch is fast approaching, my excitement is again about to flow to the brim! hahaha! Yeah, baby! I just can't wait! I am again playing their album over and over again in preparation for the big day. haha! I ammm ssoooo weird! As if I really need to prepare for anything?! Haha.

6. Watched Lupin from beginning to end. Hahaha! Yeah people, I watch this. =P I don't even know why but I just think the show is really hot. Like it's simply oozing with sex appeal or something. Hahaha! Yeah, I'm sooo getting hooked. Haha! Go, go, go Raymond, Katrina and Ella! You guys are sizzling! Aww!

There, there, there! Yeah baby! I feel sooo ecstatic I just want to kiss Chris Cayzer! Toink! Hahaha! Oh my! I sooo need a life! I am getting too obsessed with my celebrity crushes. Haha! But who can blame me?? Chris is soooo hot! =P

Anyway, I am still floating in ecstacy right now so just excuse my slight insanity. Haha! Yeah baby! Let me live in the moment! I want to take this all in co'z afterall, this bliss is only temporary and so I must indulge in every waking moment of it. ^_^

Verbal Poo

2007-04-16T18:58:00.000+08:00

current addiction: sleeping
playlist favorite: Way Back into love- Music and Lyrics OST

I'm sick. I have diarrhea-- VERBAL diarrhea as Bryan puts it. Gawd. I can't stop all these philosophical ramblings I keep having all day. Expect a quite messy post, okay? I mean, poo is supposed to be messy, right? Eww.

Sentimentalism? What does it exactly mean? Someone told me that I'm not a very sentimental person, that I don't really value emotions that much. Well, I dunno. I keep saying I actually am but then thinking about it, maybe I really am not. I mean, we always have a blind spot (haha, Johari window) in our personalities right? If that's what others think of me, then so be it. I guess the only explanation I have to this is that I don't really like it when emotions get in the way of things. Emotions for me are things that should be easily sacrificed. It's like I believe that when we do something, it always involves our emotions ergo, making it natural for us to feel something in the process. Well, since it's already given that we might get hurt, or we might hurt someone else through our actions, we have to keep in mind that it is something we eventually have to be careful of. In my case, it is something that I am willing to sacrifice. I don't really like it when emotions get in the way of achieving my goal that's why even if I get hurt, even if I might hurt somebody else and turn out the bad guy, it still doesn't stop me. Well, if all these things show my "unsentimentalism", then I guess what they say about me is true.

Insensitive. Me? gawd, that is something I have to say is sooo not true. If there is one thing I know for certain about myself, it is that I am a very sensitive person. Maybe I just don't show it co'z I am also very secretive but it doesn't mean I do not notice it when I hurt someone or if someone is taking advantage of me. Yeah, and maybe it is also co'z I don't like it when people make a fuss of things. Instead of acknowledging your pain, sometimes I don't confront you about it and instead just does things that would somehow lessen the pain. Yeah, I'm weird. And it hurts now co'z because of this, others think I'm being insensitive. Damn it! I know what I'm doing! I just don't say it but of course, I hurt too when I have to do something that would hurt someone else. It's even harder for me co'z I have to do this without clearing my name. I always end up the bad guy and yes, it's part of my sacrifice. I mean, there's no use defending yourself when people won't believe you anyway. rar.

Is there a thing as being innately bad? I mean, there are times that we do stuff that we don't really intend to do. However my mom said that the fact that you did something means that you intended to do that. I don't really get her point that much but in a way I sort of understand what she's saying too. Now here goes my question. If you didn't intend to do a bad thing but ended up doing it, does that mean your reaction is rooted from the fact that you are innately bad? Poo. I can't understand it anymore.

Right? Wrong? Which is which? Say for example you want something sooo badly but it would mean someone else's loss, would that be a bad thing? This is actually where my secretiveness comes as a good thing co'z I don't really get into this kind of scenario as long as I keep my mouth shut. But in other cases where it isn't a secret, I get problematic about this too. It's even twice the pain in my part co'z if I do get what I want, I'd risk losing the relationship I have with another person but if I give way, I won't get what I want. Yes, I know the saying that "another person's loss is another person's gain" but then, if you also consider the emotions involved in here, it becomes much more complicated. Rar.

A teen's life is hard-- and I'm not just exaggerating. Everything is complicated. From thinking about school, peers, love relationships, family relationships, physical issues, money, societal/parental expectations, you name it! I hate it when people think we have it easy. Don't they realize that it's hard to juggle everything all at once? It's tough to think about our actions first all the time because we don't have time to let the concept brew. Everything is instantaneous! If only people would realize how hard it is to be a teen. So please cut us a little slack for heaven's sake!

Well there goes all my philosophical poo! Excuse the stench. I just had to release it co'z it has been bothering me even in my dreams. Haha! Well, time to flush. There! All the poo has gone and are now drifting away in rhythm with the tide in the Pacific. Yuck!

Dang, strike 2!

2007-04-15T11:10:00.000+08:00

current addiction: sweets

playlist favorite: brighter- paramore

Gawd! Why does it always have to be me?? Poo. I hate this! For the second time around, I am victim to mall theft. Poo.

I honestly don't know what happened. We were busy shopping at Harrison and when I was about to pay for my purchases, I couldn't freakin' find my wallet anymore! Dang! I swear, I just wanted to cry right there and then. Shit. Strike two! Gawd, I don't want to entertain the thought that I am an easy target for pick pocketters. No!

Damn it. It hurts sooo much! To think that I was even extra cautious this time! It hurts too co'z I am saving for a lot of things and now my savings just went "poof!" What did I lose? 2300php, including my tuition money and $100 left from my Vietnam tour. Poo. That's a lot of money. I hate it sooo much! I have been saving a lot for months, even sacrificing a good hot meal for lunch just so I can save some but all these just disappeared in a blink of an eye! Huhuhu =( Yeah, it's goodbye too to my new wallet and really cute keychain from Vietnam. Damn. And I also don't want to think anymore of the things I'd soon be doing to get back my lost cards which includes my school ID and driver's license (again!) Gawd!

It's even weird co'z the theft happened again while we're staying at Orchid Garden Hotel. Is that hotel jinxed?? I don't want to think so because I love it. It's sooo Victorian and it does feel like home but of course, I can't help think this because I've only stayed there twice and both times, I lost something. Coincidence? Maybe. Well, to somehow end the chain of bad vibes linked to that hotel, I deliberately broke mama's gerber bottle (yes, she eats baby food) on the bathroom floor this morning. I hate it sooo much! I am home now co'z I have to write an affidavit of loss. Bull. We will go back to the hotel later and probably would be staying there for another three days. *sighs* I hope I don't lose anything else.

My gawd, I really hate it. When we talked to the security personel, he told us that it was actually normal to encounter thefts like this. Robbers normally target Koreans or any other chinky-eyed race. I swear, this is the first time I actually hated my eyes. Why me???

I really can't understand it. Of all the people in the mall, it just had to be me! It also had to happen on a day that we're staying at a hotel. And yeah, it even sucks to think that it had to happen even with my mom and ninang's supervision. I mean, I go shopping all the time, sometimes even alone, but I never get victim to anything! GAWDD!!!! This is driving me insane!

Maybe I have to be thankful too that that was all I lost. But then, I still feel pained. I mean, why do I have to lose anything in the first place??

Soan told me that I shouldn't feel too bad. That I should expect something good in the following days. Maybe. But then, I was thinking, what if this is the fruit of my weeks of bliss? I mean, I have been having the time of my life for two weeks already. Besides, the saying goes, too much happiness overflows with sorrow not the other way around. =(

*sighs* I dunno. Part of me still sees the silver lining in all these. Yeah, sometimes I really hate how optimistic I am. Can you believe, I am actually getting excited to have a new ID, get a new Philam card, and go to LTO for a new license? Huh? Am I crazy or what?? Sheesh.

Oh well. Whatever. Maybe it was meant to happen. Meant so I will learn something, so I will experience something new, so I will be a more cautious shopper. Poo. I guess in a way I am grateful for having learned how to be more careful but damn it, why do I have to learn it the hard way?! *throws tantrum*

News Update!

They found my wallet! Yeah, the cash ain't there anymore but that's expected! Hahaha! Yeah baby! hahaha! Because I was sooo happy, I edited again my layout. See how the text box is new? It's not yet final but I dunno.. the funky design just really goes with my mood. Yeah baby! I'm walking on sunshine!!!

p.s. I have already uploaded my Saigon pics. I'll be posting a blog entry that goes with that in the following days. I just don't know when. http://orangerain13.multiply.com

Off the Florida keys...

2007-04-13T14:13:00.000+08:00

current addiction: looking for a summer workshop
playlist favorite: Way back into love- Music and lyrics ost

...there's a place called Kokomo. Thats where you wanna go to get away from it all. Way down in Kokomo! Hahaha! =)

Yeah baby! I wanna go to Kokomo! ngek! haha, I dunno, I just feel reaaallyyy summer-y right now co'z it just sooo hot! Gawd, the weather in this country really is uhm... undescribable. rawr.

Anyhow, I have a lot of things to share so brace yourself for another "random" entry. haha.

1. Went out with Soan yesterday! And where did we go? everywhere! Haha, everywhere being Libis, Greenbelt, MOA and last stop, Shang! Yeah baby! Another mall-hopping escapade for me! hihi. :) Actually, we were scouting for Summer workshops but then we got tired easily and finally settled at MOA to uhm... boyscout. Toink! Hahaha! Well, that's just half-true co'z we were actually waiting for a "sighting". What kind of sighting? celebrity sightings. =P

Well, well, well, our search was not in vain! We got ourselves two sightings! Yeah baby! The first one was seeing Candy cutie Drew. We were already very, very hungry already and was just scouting the mall for the best place to eat when we bumped into him! Coolness! My stomach suddenly cartwheeled and after he passed by us, I got a sudden jolt in the head. Gawd! I was sooo not prepared! Hahaha!

The second sighting is much funnier! See, after we saw candy cutie Drew, I told Soan that we'd see Paolo afterwards. I had no one in particular in mind-- just Paolo. Haha! Well, after dining at Ja tu jak, window-shopping, paying bills, exchanging currencies, eating ice cream at Coldrock(yum!), we finally bumped into our Paolo!-- Paolo Ballesteros. Haha! I swear, I was sooo shocked! Not really by the fact that I saw him in person but more of the thought that my prediction came true! hahaha! Nice.

Well, I told Soan we'd see Raymond next. But then, our day finally ended at Shang without any sighting of a Raymond. Rar. Maybe next time. Yes, maybe next time... =)

2. Daym! I need to find a summer workshop fast! I'm super dying out here! My head is about to explode with looking for a workshop online. Gawd, I just have to find the perfect one fast co'z I still have to go through it with my mom to hear her opinions. Dang, this is what I hate with not having your own money, you always have to get the approval of the one paying for it first. Grr. Oh well... soon, I will be on my own two feet. Yes, soon. For now, I have to keep looking for that perfect workshop. *sighs* Guys, if you know any good ones, please tell me, okay? I really, really want one NOW. haha. demanding.

3. Wowee. I'm getting soooo addicted to National Geographic once again. Haha! Instead of late night Mtv sessions, I tune in to National Geographic. Gawd, I miss Saigon. That was all we did each night and morning there. Haha. I sooo love National Geographic. Watching it reminds me of my teen years when I would watch that on weekends. Aaahh... *reminisces the past* Erm, enough, enough! haha.

4. I don't love you, like I did, yesterday. Yeah honey! I don't love you anymore like I did before! Bwahaha! Shucks, I am sooo loving MCR right now. The worst thing is, I'm developing a crush on Gerard Way. Dang! What's happening to me?? Haha. Rar. Blame his eyes! Try staring at him on the I don't love you vid and I'm sure you'll agree with me. Poo. I'm totally digging his voice there too. It's so, so, so... melodic. I mean, I didn't really expect him to have such a great voice. rawr. I really am crushing on him-- but not like my other crushes though. I mean, he's too old. Haha! Peace!

5. Mahn, I sooo need a lovelife. Haha. I mean, I have been doing nothing but push my single-ness to the max with all the gimmicks I have that I think it's about time I take it slow once again. Haha. Erm, but then I don't think I'd be taking it slow anyway co'z I also looking for a guy who could go along with all my spontaneous ideas and trips. *sighs* Gawd, I think Ate Sue really is right, all the great guys are out of stock. I'm totally digging her words co'z it's perfect especially when used by someone like me who's a total mall rat. See how it's still linked to shopping? I can even imagine this as a scene in a restaurant where you're looking for a seat and you approach a bench with a really cute guy thinking you'd share a seat with him and you see that on top of his table is a sign that reads, "taken". Nyay. Every other guy would be "taken" or "reserved". Dang! They really are out of stock! Oh please, right guy factory, increase your production like NOW! haha.

Hmmm... I can't think of anymore. haha! Blame it all on the fact that I've been sooo stupid all day. haha. Almost all the things that I started to do disappeared co'z I forgot to save 'em, ergo, my thoughts disappeared along with it too. Dang! I hate it. grr. Oh well. Whatev.

That's it people! It's goodbye again for now. I'm off to an early start tomorrow co'z I have to accompany my mom to the doctor. Bye, bye! Hope you guys are having a swell summer. We all deserve to have fun and this is the perfect season to do just that! Go, go, go! =)

Happiness.

2007-04-11T20:39:00.000+08:00

current addiction: mall-hopping!

playlist favorite: Kismet- Silent Sanctuary

Nothing really beats shopping when it comes to lifting my spirit. haha! Hearing the *ding! of the cash register with every transaction is music to my ears! And after my really rough day yesterday, this is exactly what I needed to get me back on my two little perky feet. =P

Gawd, I just can't control myself. It's like an addiction! I feel bad when I go to the mall but go home empty-handed. But then the problem is, I often get carried away and I go home with a huge hole in my pocket. haha! Well, since my cousins are here again, Kym and I are starting to be huge mallrats once again. Tsk, tsk! Malls I've been to the past two days: Rob manila, SM Molino, SM Megamall, SM Mall of Asia, Shangrila, and the entirety of the Ayala Malls. Haha! Two days! This is what I call mall-hopping. Hahahaha! Yeahboi! I'm totally lovin' it! The downside though is that I'm completely depleted! I'm even sooo stupid co'z I accidentally spent my tuition money. Nyay. Now I have to take money from my savings-- which I have to say is starting to get bankrupt. Gawd, Stop me please from shopping!

It's another semi-shopping day for me tomorrow. I'll be going out with my dearie to go scout for workshops which will probably take us to katips, shang, moa, libis-- y'know, the gimmick areas. *wink! dang, this is bad! I'm really getting sooo addicted to leaving the house! I dunno, guess this is part of my plan to make the most out of my summer vacation. Gotta take in Manila as much as I can. Go, go, go! =P

Well, have yourselves a merry little SUMMER vacay, okay? much love from me. =)

Life's a bitch

2007-04-10T23:31:00.000+08:00

current addiction: fixing my papers

playlist favorite: I can't make you love me- George Michael

And I just want to slap her in the face right now! gawd, life could really be so damn unfair sometimes. And the worst thing is, life displays her meanness by slapping you hard when you least expect it.

Overall this day has been a huge cauldron of emotions. I've had a lot of realizations, insights and eye-openners. But then the one thing that really sticks out is the pain and I guess a bit of anger too.

Life for me has been a huge challenge eversince. It's like she(life) always wants to pull me down from whatever pedestal I'm on. The only thing that's keeping me alive is God and yes a little bit of good ol' fate. I dunno. I have always seen life as one beautiful hot bitch. You have to constantly prove yourself worthy to her so she'll eventually put you out of the "hotseat". Gawd, if I could just kick her for her bitchiness right now, I would!

*takes a deep breath* I dunno. I guess I was just taken by surprise by how she has slapped me this time. I never knew she would hit me this hard. Yes, I have to admit, I am bruised. And the thing with the injuries you get from life is that they don't heal well. They take time, leaves a scar and yeah sometimes, they don't even heal at all.

I'm too hurt and tired right now to even say why. I guess I'm just a really sensitive person-- and a very secretive one too. I just had to post this because in the back of my mind, it's bothering me.

Well, whatever. I don't care anymore. I've learned my lesson the hard way. That bitch life has slapped me really hard this time and I'm on the prowl to get her and slap her back!

Since school is out....

2007-04-09T15:57:00.000+08:00

current addiction: looking for schools
playlist favorite: I Don't Love you- MCR

I'm doing all my studying at home. Hahaha! Don't get me wrong, I am not that nerdy yet. No, I'm not studying English, Science or even Math. I have had enough of that from UP thank you very much. Haha! Well, what have I been studying?

graphics making and html coding.

Haha! This is soooo me to really take time to understand these kind of stuff. I dunno, I guess I'm really not the kind who easily gives up. Yeah, and I love anything that involves the flow of my creative juices-- add to that technological know-how and you've just concocted the perfect potion to keep me all tingly and excited. Haha!

Well, what have I come up this time? nothing really big. Just animations. Wahoo! Hahaha! I am such an air-head. Gawd! I dunno, this is just really a huge thing for me. I'm not good yet but at least I now know the basics of animating. It's even sooo funny co'z the only reason I finally decided to take time to understand all these is co'z of my cousin Kym. yeah. She's been pestering me to help her with her Friendster layout. She asked me to do a background for her and since I'm a bit of a perfectionist, I decided to do an animated one instead. Haha! It took me several hours to understand it and yes, there were times when I wanted to just do a simple background to make my work easier but I guess my desire is much greater than my laziness. Yeahboi! Hours passed and I finally got myself the perfect animated background! I'm super loving it! Wahoo! haha, another funny thing is that I never really tweaked my Friendster layout until now. I never took time to change it co'z one, I didn't really see the point and second, I was just plain lazy. Haha! Well, here's the solution to all my procrastination! Kym! hahaha! =)

I'd also like to take this chance to apologize to those who asked for my help to do their Friendster layouts in the past. I am soooo sorry. I never knew it was actually really easy to do. Rawr. I am soooo sorry. So that's why you guys were wondering why I don't know how when I can already code blog layouts. Nyay. Sorry. I guess I just didn't take time to understand it all. Gawd, the disparity between the two is huge! Coding Friendster layouts really is a piece of cake when compared to blog designs. Hahaha! =)

Anyhow, I have been pretty busy trying to learn new things. Been tweaking movie maker and photoshop once again. Gawd, I can already foresee the start of a new addiction. Nyay. Better stop me before I reaaalllyy get addicted. Hahaha!

Well, that's all! I can't think of anymore. This is actually the second time I typed this entry co'z the original disappeared this morning when we suddenly experienced a black out. Grr! Maybe God just wanted to make me to go to sleep co'z it was afterall already 5:30 in the morning. Hahaha! I swear, my eyebags are getting bigger more and more each day. Tsk,tsk!

I'll be going to school tomorrow to enroll and also to spend quality time with my dear friends at Redbox. yay! Finally! Go, go, go! Oh! Before I forget, add me at Friendster okay? http://www.friendster.com/ninin13 =)

Whoopdedoo!

2007-04-08T03:20:00.000+08:00

current addiction: camwhoring

playlist favorite: follow you into the dark- dcfc

Yeah, this is the life! I did practically nothing but bond with my cousins all day! I'm totally lovin' it! Yeah! Here's the things we did today:

1. practiced head standing. Hahaha! Seriously, I did! I have been waiting for months for my cousin Krizza to arrive so she can teach me how to do this, and now, she finally has! Yeah, I know, I can't do it without her help yet but I'm so happy to say that I can actually head stand for more than 10 seconds without falling! I love it! yeah, yeah, yeah! I'm on my way to being the next pole vaulting champ! togoink! What does pole vaulting have to do with this?? haha. =) nah, it's just that it's one of the reasons I super wanted to learn to headstand-- so I can balance myself well on air during my actual pole vaulting attempt. Nyahahaha!

2. move over, the next big thing is about to hit the Philippines! People, say hello to the gorgeous Celeste girls! hahaha! Kym and I had sooo much fun making music videos. We went all out with our costumes and makeup. Yeah, we really spelled R-O-C-K-S-T-A-R-S if I say so myself. Hahaha! Oh my, I really do hope we get to make our dreams come true some day. Yeah, I'd super love to be able to perform on stage in front of an audience even once in my lifetime. Haha!-- and that doesn't count Family reunions, okay? lol.

well, here are few of our vids if you wanna check us out. =) http://orangerain13.multiply.com/videos

Kym: we really are photogenic!

me: no, we're just beautiful.

Nyay. That is like one of the most boastful things I have ever said-- and yeah, the most confident one too. bwahaha! But hey, it's a free country right?? bleh! =P

Well, that says it! Aside from shooting music vids, we also camwhored all day long. I mean, we were already dressed for it then why not grab the opportunity to get some great new pics, right? Haha. Well, we were soooo successful! I totally love the pictures we took today. We have been having themed pictorials since yesterday but today is the funnest ever! I really love the rockstar look. It goes with my Avril-like hair. Ngeh! Haha! I haven't uploaded the pictures yet co'z I'm still procrastinating plus, it's a lot y'know! Bwahahaha!

4. I'm totally getting addicted to making photocollages. Haha! yeah, the idea to make collages came out because of Friendster's strict rule of having 50 profile pics maximum. Well, because we've been camwhoring a lot, I got myself a number of pictures I want to share. Bwahaha! Nyay, I'm getting really vain and insane again. Tsk,tsk! Well, back to what I was saying. Because I already reached the maximum number of pictures, I just decided to collage them so I would be able to use all the good pics we took too. Yay! What a great solution! I'm totally digging the collages. They're sooo cute! Really a space-saver. It does look a bit small though but whatever. You can still make out our faces nonetheless-- and that's what's important. *wink!

5. Grr Soan, grr! Why did you have to introduce me to the weffriddles?? Dang, it's driving me insane! I'm now stuck in Level 19. Yeah, I know I just got to concentrate but daym, it's super testing my patience! If you guys want to get a headache fast or maybe just want to prove you're intelligence, then click here: http://www.weffriddles.com I'm sure it'll satisfy more than your craving for a challenge. Goodluck!

6. Ohmygawd. I can't believe I'm actually running a fever. What the?! It's been a while since I actually got a real "real" fever, if you know what I mean. It's so surprising that I got one right now. Grr, why oh why do I have to suffer like this during this time? It's summer for crying out loud! It's supposed to be fun! Grr, whatever! I don't care! Nothing's gonna stop me! Fight!

Rest? Erm, that's not in my vocabulary dear. Sorry. Hihi! ^_^

Hmm... That's it! I love it sooo much that I was able to do a lot of fun things with my cousins today. Yeah, this is one of the things that I'd really miss about them. Everyday should be spent like this. No worries, no nothing. Just plain good ol' fun!

Enjoy summer y'guys! We all deserve the break we're getting. Finally, it's the time of year for fun, fun, fun!

Blink and you skip a beat

2007-04-06T12:44:00.000+08:00

current addiction: reading, emailing something

playlist favorite: Underneath the waves- Hale

We make decisions all the time. From what underwear to use to whether to attend class or not. We just simply cannot avoid making decisions. The only thing differentiating each decision we make is the amount of time we allot in deciding. Whether we let the idea brew for a while or act in a split second-- the choice is for us to make.

When you're faced with a life changing situation, how do you decide? Do you just go with the flow and leave all in God's hands or do you step up and make the decision yourself? Honestly, I wouldn't know what to do. I know that we hold destiny in our hands and it is up to us to mold our future but shouldn't you also trust in God's will and let him direct your course?

My ninang told me that in order to make the right decision, you must keep in mind that the decision is yours to make. Instead of being passive and leaving all in God's hands, you should just ask him for wisdom so He can guide your path.

I, on the other hand, sort of believes that if you are destined for something, it'll come no matter how impossible it may seem. It's not a matter of running away from destiny. It's about embracing it and leaving it in God's hands. I believe we must do our part, grab every opportunity. If it's for you, everything will go well and you'll get it. God will give it to you. But you do have to work it out for yourself. I dunno. I guess I really am a risk-taker. I don't really believe in letting any chance pass. I'm the kind who grabs every opportunity. I mean, you won't really know unless you try right? Besides, I'm not really one who likes to assume. I mean, say for example you're nominated for a position. You worry yourself thinking of whether you'd be able to handle the position or not. But, have you ever realized that you're worrying about something you haven't been handed yet? There's a possibility you won't win y'know. Well, that's my philosophy. If God allows me to get something, then great! At the end of the day, One shouldn't worry about something that isn't a problem yet. It's like you're merely starting an unneeded fire.

Decisions really are so hard. It's like you have to take in everything; Consider every single detail that might eventually change your life. Decision-making is inevitable-- especially when you're faced with a deadline. I mean, how the hell are you supposed to decide on something so life-changing in a matter of minutes? Decisions are hard to make but we must also realize that they're inevitable and sometimes, it is through our mistakes that we are eventually led to the right path.

Summer Fun

2007-04-06T01:16:00.000+08:00

current addiction: band practice

playlist favorite: I Don't Love You- MCR

Wowowee! I'm finally done with my layout! Thank you to that one person who pissed me off ergo inspiring me to finally do my summer layout. Haha! Count on me to turn a bad thing into something productive. Yeah, this is the life of an optimist. Hihi. *wink!

Anyhow, I'm already very tired. My perfectionism striked again and I didn't stop until I finally got everything set for my new layout. Talk about obsessive-compulsive! Sheesh.

Oh well. I am actually really bothered right now but I don't want to ruin my celebratory mood so I'll set aside my worries, throw it to the wind and bask in all the summery-ness of my layout. Haha! Yahoo! I'm finally done! Hope you guys like it. I know I'm getting really redundant with my designs already. It's just that I have this nasty habit of being too traditional and one who can't easily let go. Yeah, that's why my layouts are just derivisions of a past one. Hihi. ;) Y'know what, I'm really glad I finally decided to do a new layout. I need something new. I need to get accustomed to new things so I can cope with other much bigger changes I would soon undergo. Haha, what the hell am I talking about?? Rar. Enough said.

Well, goodbye people! It's 1:45am now and it's time once again for me and my cousins to watch a movie. Yeah, we really are a bunch of nocturnal people. Hihi. :) It's just that I'm making the most out of each day. Afterall, it's not long until I won't be able to bum again like this. Argh, screw summer classes! Rawr.

Random thoughts

2007-04-04T12:04:00.000+08:00

current addiction: modelling
playlist favorite: Way back into love- Hugh & Drew

...Because I just couldn't keep myself from blogging.

1. I'm glad that people are finally seeing what I'm seeing. In a way it makes me happy that I didn't need to badmouth anyone or a group of people for that matter, their stench eventually spread on its own. However, on the other hand, it makes me sad too that I was really right. It hurts me because admittedly, I always had a tinge of hope that they'd change and that everything would go back to what it used to be. It really does hurt me so much now but in a way it also makes me happy co'z I know they deserve what they're getting. It's mean but then I didn't do this. I never said anything that would break them. I just let other people discover how bad they are on their own. Argh. This is so complicated.

2. I feel so summery right now. Haha. I dunno. I just feel so giddy to do a lot of things but is also too lazy to push through doing anything. Haha. I guess I want to be really productive and make the most of my very short summer vacation-- and yeah, I guess I am also cherishing the short time I'll be with my cousins.

3. Daym. I want to be part of a band! The vocalist in particular. Argh. I hate this. It's like I am merely dreaming of becoming one. Yeah, I admit, I don't have a extremely great voice but it's not bad too y'know. I dunno. I just want to be part of a friggin' band like NOW! Haha, demanding!

4. What the hell is happening to my virtual villagers?? I'm almost done with it but I think I downloaded a version with a glitch co'z I can't do puzzle 14 even if I got everything set for it. Now, my population has ballooned! That's what happens when your villagers have nothing to do anymore. Haha!

5. Being home still feels so surreal for me. I dunno. It's like I left my heart in Saigon. I don't feel too happy being home. Like I don't want to live in this reality. My reality is walking down the busy streets of Ho Chi Minh City, of indulging in a feast of noodles and roasted pork, of having my nails done in the salon down the street, of drinking iced coffee in a pseudo-cafe two buildings away, of lounging in our hotel room and watching mtv, discovery, or national geographic all day. Yeah, that's my kind of reality. I know that the reality I live in right now ain't that bad but I dunno... I guess I really did leave my heart in Saigon. Oh please, I want to board the next plane to Hanoi or Ho Chi Minh like NOW!

6. Oh dog poo. I'm hating someone right now. I hate it that she doesn't know how to return stuff she borrows. I super hate it that I still have to keep nagging her just to get my own stuff back. Isn't it just so ironic?? Gawd, I hate her. I want my stuff back now biatch! Hear that? I said NOW!

7. I'm totally digging My Chemical Romance's new single. I adore the video and I love the message too. Yeah, and I guess it reminds me of Vietnam as well. Ate Sue totally love MCR and I remember her singing along to that song. The scene is still vivid to me. Us watching Mtv: me carefully taking in the video while Ate Sue singing along while fixing her stuff on the floor. Yeah, my memories really are embedded in the songs I learn to love.

8. I'm totally digging my nails! I had my nails done in Vietnam co'z nailart is so common to them that you have yours done for a mere $2. I really love staring at my hands and playing with my nails. It's sooo cute! Rar, makes me want to go back there to have my feet made too. Sheesh.

9. Mahn! I am sooo having fun going on movie marathons with my dear cousins. It's so cool co'z my mom bought a lot of really great dvds ergo, our movie marathon sessions. Haha! Yeah, yeah, yeah! This really is the life! Whoopdedoo!

10. What the hell happened to Avril Lavigne? Think: bubblegum pop. Gawd. I admit, I love singing 'Girlfriend' but seeing Avril dance a la barbie girl on tv is sooo uhm, how can I say this? disgusting. Oh my. I can't believe she finally succumbed and joined the pop bandwagon. Just when I thought she was the only "real" one in the biz. So, was all the dark clothes, and angst a mere act? Gawd. I miss the old Avril. Her dancing is haunting me even in my dreams! Avrrriilll!!! Enough with the dancing! I know Britney is not that active anymore but that doesn't mean you should step up and be the new Princess of Pop. Avril, wake up!

11. Beyonce's dancing in Beautiful Liar is sooo distracting! There really is such a thing as too much. I dunno why but to me it seems like she wants to look better in belly dancing than Shakira. Girl, that's not your expertise! Stick to booty shaking for heaven's sake! You'd really spare me the eye sore. Rar.

Hmm.. there! Expect me to add more to the list before the day ends. I have sooo much random thoughts on my mind right now that's why I wasn't able to resist blogging. Hmm.. well, it's goodbye for now. =)

Hello everyone!

2007-04-03T16:11:00.000+08:00

I'm back! That's all! hahaha!:)) I'm too tired and lazy to do a proper post so I guess I'll do that later. :) I honestly, honestly, missed you all people! Mwah!

-edited-

I really, really want to tell you all about my vietnam trip but I dunno... I'm lazy to do so because of a couple of things:

1. I have insufficient pictures! Daym. I hate myself for being such a camwhore. All I did there was take pictures of MYSELF. Oh gawd. What a total waste of shots! haha. Anyhow, I didn't get to take pictures co'z first of all, I was shy to ask Ate Sue to take the shot. I was also having a hard time holding two gadgets at once. I was getting confused on whether to take a video with my handycam or just take a still shot. Well, in the end, I got really bad shots or clips from both. Gawd. I should have just left my friggin' handycam home! grr.

2. I want the pics to do the talking. However, I don't want to load my pics yet co'z like I said, they're insuffient and I'm waiting for Ate Sue to give me a copy of the ones she has.

3. I am sooo hating my layout. Well, not really. Just a little. Haha!=) I dunno... I just really, really want to do a summer layout but I am also uninspired. Gawd. I don't feel like blogging now. I want a new layout before I write down new entries. Haha! Talk about perfectionism! I just really want my layout to match the mood of my entries. It's summer for crying out loud! My blog's screaming for a beach layout! haha:)

Hmm... there! I dunno... I don't feel like writing a decent entry but then, I've already written this so it kind of contradicts what I'm saying. Haha!:) I still really want to write about my Vietnam trip. Goodness! It's part of the chronicling part of my trip. Think: Documentation. Haha! Nice.

Anyhow... I feel a bit bored now that's why I decided to write something. I actually want to do a lot of things namely:

1. band practice

2. movie marathon

3. photo shoot

4. layout

5. check out different websites

6. go shopping

7. do axn write-up

hay, hay, hay. I feel like I have to get the best out of my two weeks of vacation. I super hate that I'm going to school. Grr. Still, I'm excited to go on our Summer class on Entrepreneurship-- which btw, starts on Monday. Funny thing is, we haven't enrolled yet. Haha! Nice. =P

Well, that's all. I feel lazy-slash-bored-slash-itching to blog and so I came up with this really bizarre post. Haha! Well, what else can you expect from a deranged diva like me? *wink!

Spoiled rotten

2007-03-30T00:00:00.000+08:00

current addiction: doing my papers. waaahhh!!!

playlist favorite: Someone to love

I am sooo bad. I used the fact that I got a grade of 1.0 in Orcom140 to trick my mom into buying me a memory card for my digicam. I have been asking her for this but she has repeatedly said "no". Finally, I got an idea! I texted her that I got a 1.0 in 140 and voila! I now have a 512mb memory card. Bwahahaha! Mean, mean, mean!

Anyhow, that's all! I'm glad I got to blog before I leave for Vietnam. I have been really, really busy and I can't tell you all the things that I have sacrificed and been through just to be able to board that plane tomorrow. I need this. I deserve this.

Goodbye folks! Wish me a safe trip!

No puedo mas espera!

2007-03-29T00:59:00.000+08:00

current addiction: finishing my ling journal

playlist favorite: Soak up the Sun- Sheryl Crow

Oh my! I really can't concentrate anymore! Waaahhh!!! I am sooo excited to go to Vietnam! Hahaha!:) Seriously, I keep on stopping thinking of the things I'm going to bring, what I'll be wearing, etc. I am sooo distracted right now! Gawd! Problem is, I can't be distracted! I need to focus! I still have two papers to due on Friday, have a quiz today (which I haven't studied for yet) and a creative composition for our film. Oh my gosh! I can barely breathe anymore! And yah, sleep is completely out of the picture right now. I have to stay awake! I have to! I got to! Daym.

Huhu.. This is sad. I honestly want to board the plane now and sleep. Haha! As if I really am going to do that! nyahaha! =) Anyhow, I just dropped by co'z I know I won't be able to blog tomorrow-- erm, that is if I don't get distracted again. haha! Well, this is goodbye for now! I'll miss you guys! Catch you all when I get back! =D

Wake up sleepyhead!

2007-03-28T06:40:00.000+08:00

current addiction: sleeping

playlist favorite: Kokomo- Beach Boys

Goodmorning world! Hahaha! =) I feel so elated right now co'z I slept for thirteen straight hours! hahaha! =) This is sooo new for me and I feel really happy that I had the chance to sleep that long. Guess it means I have been really, really tired.

Anyhow, that's really all I want to say. I have a very, very long day ahead of me since I need to do two papers and study for my exam tomorrow. Argh. Hope I don't fall asleep today. Tsk. Bye people! Hope I'd still get time to blog before I leave for Vietnam. Byeish! mwah!'

oh, oh, oh! If by any chance you are from an all-girls school, kindly take time to answer this simple survey. I have been really stupid co'z I didn't do this earlier but still, pleaassseee!!! Spread the news too please! Kindly tell all those who are and have graduated from an all-girls school. Thank you sooo much!

http://FreeOnlineSurveys.com/rendersurvey.asp?sid=1h54kjbwjyc2itq282762

Shame, shame, shame!

2007-03-27T03:57:00.000+08:00

current addiction: sleeping. nyay.

playlist favorite: Kokomo- Beach Boys

*I should be doing my paper now but since I'm distracted by this thing, I decided to go and blog about it. haha. This is what I call procrastination. Nyay.

Why is it that when we get into an embarassing situation we tend to want to disappear? And yah, why do we tend to lie low for awhile?

Okay, okay, I guess it is to somehow save face.

Argh. I mean, I know it's human nature to lie low for awhile after an embarassing situation but then, in the process of lying low, relationships that should have emerged from that encounter tend to vanish. I mean, instead of two individuals having a meaningful friendship after that awkward first encounter, there's a possility that that friendship would not even push through anymore. Daym.

I dunno... I guess I just feel sucky that other people tend to make things such big a deal. I mean hello?! It's okay to be wrong, it's okay to slip, heck it's even okay to fall flat on your face! Don't think that people would take that against you. I mean, I, for one wouldn't think that's a bad thing co'z I know it's perfectly natural to commit mistakes. It's just so sad that you end up avoiding me to "save face" when you didn't really lose it at all. Rar.

I just feel so sad that you reacted that way. I'm thinking of the "what could have been". And yah, I guess I'm missing you. Maybe you're buying time so I'd forget about that first encounter but you know, I'd never forget that. I mean, that's what made our first meeting meaningful-- how memorable your embarassing moment was. Haha! I'm not trying to rub it in. It was just really funny! Admit it, you laughed too! Just think that I wasn't laughing at you. I was laughing at what you did. Those two are waayyyy different.

Oh please... I know my whining won't make you talk to me again and yeah, I know you probably wouldn't be able to read this anyway but I don't care. I guess the point of this entry is not really directed to you. It's directed to others who might be reading my blog. Yeah people, slip ups are inevitable. Do not run from it, embrace it! I mean, you can't avoid misunderstandings and accidents, right? Co'z if you did, this world won't have anything to laugh about anymore. Hear that? That's not laughter, it's silence. Whoa that's sad.

Dying

2007-03-25T11:56:00.000+08:00

current addiction: Virtual Villagers 2

playlist favorite: Understanding in a car crash- Thursday

I am now officially on the verge of death. Gawd. I can barely breathe with all the tasks that need be done for this week. I dunno whether to hate myself or not co'z part of me can't blame myself for not doing my tasks earlier co'z I was doing other things then. Ugh. I hate it sooo much. Anyhow, I don't really have any more time to spare to blog for a long time so I guess I have to end this entry now. Haha! I just want to give you all a heads up in case I don't get to blog the entire week. Just when I thought I'd have time to change my blog's layout. Ugh.

Four more days until I step into ethereal bliss. Say it with me, Goodmorning Vietnam! I am the new Miss Saigon!

Nyeh.

--- edited---

Daym. Can people just stop being such huge copycats?? Gawd. It's sooo irritating! I know it's inevitable to somehow keep yourself from getting influenced by the people around you but when it comes to academic work and hobbies, that's a completely different story!

Grr. I hate it sooo much. For the academic part, I find it sooo pathetic for other people to be such huge copycats. I know it's more forgivable here for there exists an "academic police" that protects people's ideas and brands copycats plagiarizers but then, sometimes this gets overlooked when people justify their act by not going verbatim and instead "rephrases" it. Oh gosh. Like, hello?!? That's still not the point! You should have your own ideas and own style of delivery! I hate it sooo much to find someone else use my idea and passes it on as an original. Gawd. At this time, it's like I never want to let anyone else read anything I write. It's sooo irritating!!! Damn!

Hobbies wise, I hate it that people push themselves to like things I like-- not that I am trying to be selfish and close-minded here for maybe they really do like those things. Argh. I don't know, I just hate it that some people don't want to be left out and look "uncool" and so exerts effort to be "in" too. Hello?! That's not how you develop a hobby! Something may be cool but you don't really need to be part of the bandwagon. That's the thing with being cool in the first place-- you like and do things that others don't normally like. You don't conform to the norms-- you have separate interests and have different passions. Gosh people, be unique for once! And while you're on that, start crediting people too. It's so pathetic how you try to pass off something as your own when everyone knows that you're not really the type who likes those things.

Oh my. I really am blowing off a lot of serious steam right now. I just really, really, really hate copycats-- yeah, especially those who try to copy me. I'm not saying I'm someone worth copying in the first place, but I hope you get my point. Daym. I am sooo angry at this moment. It's like I just want to be selfish and not share anything I have-- my written works, know-hows, hobbies, likes, anything! I just hate it that when I say I like something, someone else says they do too when they've actually never heard of it before. And you know what's worse? These copycats even go all the way just to prove they do like that and even with their mediocre knowledge of that thing, has the face to brag about it to other people. Like duh?! As if you even know half of what you're talking about! Goodness people! Try to explore things on your own! Be unique! Be original! Stop copying another people and establish your own identities!

Grr! I don't even know what to say anymore. I am sooo mad right now. You know what's worse? I can't even be consoled by the fact that I should be flattered that people copy me-- no, even if that may appear good, I can't see it co'z my mind right now is too clouded by all the red rage I see.

*ching!*

Step up!

2007-03-23T21:10:00.000+08:00

current addiction: Virtual Villagers 2 game
playlist favorite: Make a move- Incubus

Finally! After what seemed like eternity, I get the chance to relax a bit and catch my breath. Haha! No deadlines to meet for *tonight. yeah, it's only for a few hours but who cares! I will savor every single waking minute of it. Haha!

Anyhow, a lot has happened to me and so expect another "random" post from me. Hihi. ;) It's even so funny co'z if you notice the tags of my blog entries, I have a lot that is labelled random. Yeah, it only proves just how spontaneous I am and how my activities have been that diverse too. Haha!

Hmm... so, let me begin my entry by listing the random thoughts plaguing my mind right now...

1. Oh cam, oh cam, oh cam. Daym, where the hell is your still shot function?? Grr. I have been looking for it since I got home but I still can't friggin' find it! Gosh. I hate it sooo much. Anyhow, about my cam, it's actually new. Hihi. ;) Yesterday, we celebrated my Ninang's birthday at Greenhills and while there, my mom suddenly decided to buy me a camcorder so I'll not have to borrow from someone else. Yeah, I told you my mom is the queen when it comes to spontaneity and impulse buying. Hihi. :) It's sooo cool that I now got a handycam. ^_^

*sighs* But then, I can't find it's still shot function! I'm not sure if it even has it in the first place-- and frankly I'm scared that it really might not have that function. But then, we got one of the newest models from Sony so it kind of seems so weird that it doesn't have that function when every other handycam Sony've released has that. Argh. Guess I just have to explore and tinker with it more. Rar.

2. And the best picture award goes to! *drumroll* Silent Reaping! Woohoo! Yeahboi! This is the start of my showbiz career! Nyeh. Hahaha! :)

Gosh, I am waayyy excited to start shooting for our short film! This is going to be really cool! Yahoo! It's the first time I'm doing a sort of creative film and I just can't wait! I know, I know, I am a real amateur when it comes to cinematography and the like but I'm banking on pure unadulterated creativity to pull us through. Bleh! Nothing beats a creative and idealistic mind, you know! *wink!

We can do this guys! We'll scare their wits off! Go, go, go Fuchsians! Ahoo!

3. Nyay, I just found out that my writing style ain't appropriate for a writer. Nice. Whatta way to pop my bubble! hahaha! :D Howkie, howkie. I am so vague right now. Well, I say that because our linguistic teacher said that it's not appropriate for a writer to write in a way that his readers feel like they can hear him talking. Gosh! Just when I've sort of mastered that style of writing. Haha! I dunno... maybe I'm just feel like I write that way co'z that is basically how I write my blog entries but in other papers, I'm not like that. Heck, I've been trained in journalistic writing for years! I sort of know when to shift the tone of my compositions from blogging-style to semi-formal, column-style. Haha! Hmm... I guess I just enjoy writing this way for the main reason that I enjoy reading these kind of entries. Yeah, blame Celine Lopez for this! It's just that I take inspiration from her. I idolize her for making her column entries sound so personal and in a way it appeals to me more. Haha.

Erm... well, if that's not the way I'm going to be taken as a serious writer then I better change my writing style now. 1...2...3... *silence* Can you hear me now? How about now? Now? NOW! Caaannnn yyooooo heeeeaaarrrr meeee???

Hahaha! Screw it all! I'm having too much time blogging this way to care whether I'm writing properly or not. Bleh!

4. Gosh! I am sooo dying for a new layout! I really want to do a beach-inspired theme right now but I'm constrained due to two things. One, I don't have the effing time! and second, I am still in love with my current layout. Haha! I know, I should learn to let go of this old one to give way to new, improved things. It's just that, I dunno... I feel so apprehensive. Argh. Waddya think guys? Should I or shouldn't I? (Consider the overall feel of the site with respect to my entries, okay?)

5. All my bags are packed and I'm ready to go! Woohoo! Just a week 'til I leave for Vietnam! Can't barely wait!

My personal Vietnam joke:

How do Vietcoms greet each other?

Hanoi! Hanoi!

Nyeh. Corny.

6. Why Speak? Y Speak? haha! Soooo funny co'z after my impromptu speech yesterday (which fortunately went okay), we were stopped in front of UP by the Y speak crew to interview us. Haha! I honestly don't know whether to classify this as good or not. Haha! I dunno... I just think I gave a lame answer to a lamer question. Argh. No offense meant but the question was soooo not mind stimulating. They merely asked us why it is good to be single. Nyay. Say it with me: Sooooo S-H-A-L-L-O-W! Rar.

7. Make a move! yeah, yeah, yeah! Go on! Do it! I'm excited to see what'll happen next. Yihee! Hahaha! :) That's one big blind item right there. haha!

Hmm... I guess those are the things plaguing my mind right now. There! I've finally cleared my brain of some clutter. My head feels so much lighter now. Yeah, this is what I call total REJUVENATION! Coolness.

Death comes even to the best of us

2007-03-21T17:55:00.000+08:00

current addiction: Virtual Villagers 2

playlist favorite: I will Follow you into the Dark- DCFC

...and with that said, I die.

Tsk. OMG! Kill me now please! I can't take this anymore! I feel so stressed with my impromptu speech tomorrow! I feel so helpless, like I just wanna hide in a deep cave and vanish forever. Darn, this is sooo hard! I know that the key to everything is for me to come prepared-- for me to study! But thing is, I keep on procrastinating co'z the pressure's getting to me. OMG! What am I gonna do??

I know, I know. I have to take a deep breath, calm myself and get my act together. I need to clear my mind and FOCUS.

There's no turning back now. This is it--The moment of truth. I admit, I am beyond scared at this very moment but I need to channel all my negative energy. I will embrace my fear and try to emerge victorious after all's been said and done. So, with trembling hands, cold feet and a thumping heart, I will face my Speech class tomorrow with anticipation and a tinge of FEAR. Afterall, in Ben Affleck's words, it is not called being brave if you're not scared.

Nyay.

Go Spartans!

2007-03-19T21:51:00.000+08:00

current addiction: window shopping

playlist favorite: The Ghost of a Good Thing- DCFC

Xerxes: "The world will never know you existed at all!"

Leonidas: "The world will know that few stood against many, that free men stood against a tyrant and by the time this battle was over, that even a god king can bleed."

Go Sparta! Wowowee! I am still hung over from watching 300. It was so, so, cool! I swear you guys have to watch it! It really is the greatest epic movie since Troy. haha! I totally love eet! Don't worry, I won't be putting spoilers here co'z I think it's best if you guys actually see it for youselves. Besides, seeing it on the big screen is part of the overall experience. Watching it at home ain't as fun as seeing it in a 73 X 24 inch screen. Yeah! Opt for the cinemas people! It's the perfect place! You'd really get in the zone and I tell you, you'd be identifying yourself with the Spartans before the film is over. Haha!

Anyhow, because I am waayyy hung over with watching 300, I decided to dedicate my entire post to the topic of fighting. Haha, now why the hell am I going to be talking about such a thing?? Well, co'z I want to. Haha! Nice.

Seriously though, I really want to talk to you guys about fighting-- and I don't mean the brutal kind. What I'm trying to discuss is fighting in the modern "real" world context-- where bloodshed ain't necessary and wars are fought superficially. Yes people, I'm talking about fighting life and all it's evils.

Brace yourselves Spartans! Get ready to dive right in!

OMG! Here I go again! I'm telling you guys I am soooo addicted to the whole Spartans thing right now. Hihi. ;) Anyhow... I've decided to write this entry simply because I think I'm about to die. But...

Do not stand at my grave

and forever weep,

I am not there,

I do not sleep.

Hey, take that literally people okay? I'm not dead, nor am I going to die! Haha! The dramaqueen in me has just been unleashed, that's all. *wink!

It's just that I'm literally rattled with all the schoolwork that needs to be finished. What I really hate is that all the stuff I need to do is piling up each day and to think that I haven't even finished with the one I'm currently working on. Argh. It really does suck-- yeah, especially for me who is in total vacay mode already. Gosh. Just when I thought this last two weeks would go by swiftly, my ethereal vacation bubble just went "poof!".

Yeah, this is the life of a UP student! Argh! Actually, I really am hating some of my professors right now. Why? Co'z not only are they demanding, they are also super hard to please! I mean, I'm okay with the fact that they require a lot of things co'z that's part of UP education anyway, so you'd be sure to expect a lot of toxicity especially during the last few weeks of school. But what I am rambling about right now is the fact that some professors set their standards wayy up *there and are so vague as what they really expect to see from us. I mean, heck, we're from UP! We also value excellence! When professors say, "Jump!", we say, "How high?" I just hope that profs realize that we too want to reach that zenith no matter how high that is. All they have to do is be clear as to what they they really want to see from us and how well they want us to perform. Is it really that hard to do? Argh.

*sighs* I really feel like a Spartan right now-- a Spartan who has just lost her battle-- erm, not really lost but you do get the point right? I just feel so sad how it seems like my leader, or in this case, my professors are failing me. I, together with all my colleagues and co-Spartans, need the direction of a good leader. Yes, I know that UP doesn't condone spoon-feeding students but does giving clear instructions spoon-feeding? I think not.

Argh!!! I really hate it! I am really drowning in all the things that need be done. And to top it off, I feel super lazy to do anything because I feel like no matter how hard I work it'll just be wasted co'z I can never reach my profs' standards. Argh! Blame my 104 exam for this! haha! Okay, okay, I haven't told you about that yet so I guess that might confuse you so here...

See, we just got our midterm exams back in OC104 and heck, only a few passed! OMG! Can you believe that the highest even got only a score of 80 pts?! I know I really shouldn't be acting all mad co'z I did get a score of 63 and passed. I dunno... I guess I just expected something higher.

Yeah, sorry to those who aren't as fortunate and failed. I'm sorry that I'm acting all bitchy already when I should be grateful instead but then, I feel sad about it and it's just something I cannot deny.

It's sad to think that no matter how hard you study and work consciously in a particular subject, you'd still not be good enough. Argh. I super feel suck-y right now. Gawd. I really need a vacation!

Oh well. That's just one of life's evils. Darn.

Anyhow, because of all these stuff that we need to do in school, some of the other evils have slowly sprung forth. Yeah, I'm talking about individual evils this time. Think: Backstabbers, people with crab mentalities and the ever-so-present green- eyed monster. Ugh.

Gosh. This is what happens when people get crazed with all the stress. Everyone seems to be so selfish, competitive and mean. Gawd. School is looking more and more like a battlefield each day. Boy is it tough to stay alive!

But then, I am a spartan. I am trained to fight with honor and dignity in defense of my principles and beliefs. I stand tall and firm even in front of my adversaries. I face death with courage and candor. It is through death that I leave my legacy. Yes, I am a Spartan, bred and born to fight valiantly beside my comrades. I am not alone. You, and all the Spartans are with me.

Divided we fall, together we stand.

King Leonidas: Spaarrttaaansss!!!

spartans: Ahoo!

I just wanna be on the beach

2007-03-18T19:09:00.000+08:00

current addiction: applying nailpolish

playlist favorite: I will follow you into the dark- DCFC

Sunburn! I just wanna be on the beach, sunburn!

Hahaha! =) I swear, it's like Sandwich took the words right out of my mouth. Hihi. ;) More than anything in the world, I sorely want to be in a beach right now. Aaaahhh... the sun, warm sand under your feet, the cool breeze, endless blue water, and yeah, let's not forget the hot guys. Aww! There goes my perfect beach scenario!

C'mon, c'mon, c'mon! I can barely wait! I really want to go frolicking in the beach right now. I swear, am waayyy excited to wear a bikini this summer. Finally, swimsuit-worthy body, here I come! Hahaha! It's even sooo funny co'z I was already feeling sad that I'm still chubby when summer's like two weeks from now. But then, I saw an article in inquirer today saying that it's not too late to lose the bulge for summer. Haha! Nice.

Hooray! The only problem now is how I'm going to have time to go on a vacation now that I am having summer classes. Argh. I hate it sooo much! But then, it is afterall my fault anyway so I guess I have to pay the price. Oh what joy! Not.

*sighs* This really dampens my spirit a bit. Well, to those who may not be aware, I sort of failed my Math 1. Sort of, co'z I got a 4 in it which doesn't really mean failure yet-- that is if you pass the removal exam. Actually, the whole Math thing is controversial since I didn't really get super low scores then and I even topped my first dept exam. So, it was a shocker that I got that grade. I would have settled for getting a three but a four? That's already way unbelievable! So yada, yada, yada after all's been said and done, we (Soan, Pau and Kat) finally decided to not retake(this is another story) the removal exam anymore and let our grades remain a four. So, we'll just be retaking the subject this summer-- if there are no more complications, that is. Argh.

Hmft! Whatever! I won't let that dampen my spirit! Summer's supposed to be fun no matter where or with whom I'll be spending it with! Besides, there really is no dull moment when the brats unite. haha! Oooohhh! I am sooo excited! If fate looks down on me, I'll be going to school this summer with my baby-- Kit, our Toyota. haha! Think: cruising down the highway with wind in my hair *gazes to far left and enters fantasy land* -- oh, scratch that! I almost forgot how dirty our country is! I'll just end up having my hair tangled and my face greased with all the dust! Oh well. It was fun to imagine it though. *wink!

Well, have a happy summer everyone! Just roughly two more weeks before my classes finally end and I just can't wait!

I just wanna be on the beach.... SUNBURN!

I need a job

2007-03-17T20:01:00.000+08:00

current addiction: listening to mp3s inside the car

playlist favorite: Tell me- Dropping Daylight

Really, I do. I just need a job so I'd be able to get more money. Haha! I just feel really awful that I can't buy stuff I want. Like, I am sooo dying to go shopping today but since my mom's not in the mood to do that, I can't! I'm actually really tied now in terms of expenses since I basically rely on my mom to pay stuff for me. I need my own money like NOW.

Haha, demanding!

Huhu, but seriously, I'm dying to get some money now. I am totally itching to go shopping! Huhu... I really wish I had a business or a job for that matter so I can have my own dough. It totally sucks to rely on someone else to pay for everything. I feel so tied down!-- and yah, I feel even more tied down co'z my mom won't let me near my savings anymore. Gawd. This is is soooo hard! I need to go shopping!

Har, har. I actually been spending pretty much the whole day looking for a business contact abroad. See, there are a lot of people on Multiply who sell imported stuff here in the Philippines. It's cool co'z they get money from their contacts abroad. It's really easy since I'm pretty much glued to the internet plus I'm studying in UP Manila which is a pretty accessible place when it comes to meeting up customers and other stuff. I really want to find a contact and work for someone. Gawd. I am super itching to sell something! I was even thinking of working as my ninang's assistant however, that's not really how I envisioned spending my summer. That's waayyyy boring. I'd rather be a barista instead. haha! But then I still feel lazy doing that. What I really want is a business. I was to freakin' sell something!

Help people! If you have a business, message me please. I really want to be partners with you-- or you can even hire me to sell stuff. Please, please, please! I want to go shopping!

Ugh. Anyhow... I pretty much bummed all day. It feels so great to be doing nothing for once. I know, I know, I should be doing something productive with my time so I won't be cramming anymore but hey, I want to rest. I need this day for myself else, I'll go completely loco!-- as if I'm not already crazy!

Oh well...

Yesterday, I wasn't able to blog co'z I think something's wrong with blogger. That's why I now have some random thoughts that was supposed to be posted yesterday:

1. It's summer already and guys, I really, really want to go to Boracay! Kat and I have already been talking about this and if she agrees, then we're set! I've also talked to my mom and she's ready to say yes! Haha! I mean, it's really not a problem with her co'z she lets me go on whatever trip I want. The only thing that might become a problem is when she finds out that I don't have anyone to go there with. Yeah, she still doesn't agree with me travelling alone. Argh.

2. My-oh-my! I so badly want to attend a workshop this summer! Soan and I have been searching high and low for the perfect workshop and so far it's a choice between My Masterpiece's Entrepreneurship workshop or something from John Robert Powers. Gosh. It's so hard to look for a perfect workshop since schedule is a major problem here. Guys, if you know of a fun worshop that is held in the afternoon like, after lunch or something and won't be too late already, please tell me, okay? I'd really appreciate it.

3. My ninang's birthday is in a week! I need to her the perfect gift! I was thinking of a spa gc for her but then, my budget's limited plus, I want that for myself. Haha! Hmm... another option is buying her a custom made cake and suprising her at midnight (hihi, I like this one best!). I was even thinking of putting the picture of her favorite star, Jang Dong Gun there. Haha! That would be sooo hilarious! Maybe I could do this and just share the cost with my mom. hihi. ;)

4. Anyone know what's up with Eiffelene Salvador? It's summer again and I remember that last year, I bought a Sketcher's Spinners sandals during that time co'z I saw Eif wearing one and I wanted it sooo badly. Har. I miss Eif. I really, really like her. If you guys know what she's up to, please tell me!

5. I'm totally in va-cay mode! I can't wait for the 30th! I'll be leaving for Saigon, so there! Haha! I can't barely wait! I super need the vacation!

6. I want to have my photo taken at Blowup babies! I super want to go there! It's like the place that I can finally make my modelling dreams come true. haha! Asa. =P But no, it's sooo fun! I want to have a themed photo shoot and also a professionally shot picture. That would be sooo cool! I mean, it's not always that you get to be this young you know! You should preserve your youth even in a mere photograph. Think that you'll never be as beautiful as you are now. wink!

7. I want to wear a punk rocker-slash-goth-slash-korean inspired outfit! haha! No, seriously I want to! I mean, I want to try wearing Avril's clothes in her video of Girlfriend, or even Casper's eccentric outfits. Gosh. I want to experiment! Problem is, I don't have money! Gawd. I super need a job!

8. I want to go on a gig! I miss watching concerts, mall tours, whatever! I badly need to attend one now! I already miss rubbing elbows with rockstars and posers. haha!

9. So sorry to the PPO! Here I go again. I'm sorry co'z I feel asleep at the show for like, the nth time! I even thought I'd be fully awake this time co'z the theater was packed with a lot of important people like Lola Marcos herself, Lolo Zobel-Ayala, Tina Yap- Daza, and Cito Beltran. Wowee. Talk about well attended. *sighs* I feel so bad to have slept again. I really did my best to stay awake but I just couldn't! I think it's because their pieces are waaayyy too long. They have to shorten it so it would not bore their audience-- yeah, especially the young ones. Gosh, I am soooo sorry. Sorry too to Cecil Licad and her son. I even thought I'd be awaken by them co'z her son is such a pretty boy! Haha! But no, it didn't work. Argh. Ninin, when will you ever learn?!

10. So funny co'z Nes (Mr. Jardin, president of the CCP) acknowledged me yesterday. haha! So, he remembers me, ey? Cool!

Well there! Those are just some random things I was supposed to write about yesterday but didn't have time to do so. It's even funny co'z I'm getting addicted to hanging out in our car and listening to mp3s. Like, why do I have to go all the way there when I can do that in the comfort of my room?? Haha, I guess I just find it more comforting to be inside a car. I swear, I just love cars and driving. It gives me a really bizaare feeling. hihi. ;)

That's all people! I'll keep you posted! Goodbye! Mwaahhhh!!!

p.s. Happy Birthday to Ate Sue! Wowee! 24! What a really great age! Hope you get a guy for your birthday! haha! *wink!

*edited

Gawd. I am so pissed off right now. Our maid ruined my favorite shirt! I feel so pathetic co'z I actually got teary-eyed. Daym. I really want to throw a tantrum right now. I mean, I loved that shirt! It's practically new, co'z I bought it with my own money during the xmas break. I hate that I won't be able to buy the same shirt again. And I super hate it that it had to happen now that I don't have money to buy stuff. It hurts me co'z it added to things I sorely want to get right now. Gosh!!! I just want to scream at her!-- and to think that she didn't even apologize! She has already done this twice! I am sooo hating her at this moment! I feel like something's stuck in my throat. I know, it's pathetic that I'm crying over a shirt-- maybe it's just that everything's piling up-- me having no money to shop, loss of my favorite shirt which I now cannot replace, and her not apologizing. Gawd. This is the life! Sheesh.

Smile, smile, I said smile!

2007-03-16T00:59:00.000+08:00

current addiction: thinking... and thinking... and did I say thinking?

playlist favorite: A Decade Under the Influence- TBS

You know the hardest part about being me? It's trying to constantly maintain the "optimistic girl" image though my heart is breaking.

Sometimes I just can't take it anymore. It hurts that I don't know how to express my depression in ways other than in writing-- or in this case, through blogging. It's just that I don't like fussing over ANYTHING. For me, when you encounter a problem, there's always a solution to it no matter how hard it is. I'm not the kind that dwells on a problem too much. I even hate this in other people. Like, why do you even have to whine?

I dunno. I guess I just feel like it's not good to see someone mopping around all the time. I hate people who keeps whining and making themselves the center of everybody else's worlds. Sometimes, I can't help thinking: "Duh! Like I even care?!" I know, I know. It sounds mean but admit it! When someone keeps on whining, complaining and won't stop rambling about his/her problem, it eventually gets on your nerves, right? Ugh.

Well, I assure you. I'm not that kind of girl.

Perhaps you can blame my very secretive nature for this-- erm, no scratch that. It's really still linked to my not wanting to burden anyone with my problem. Gawd. It's like I just cannot tell others what's bothering me co'z I always feel like I'm merely overacting and just wants to be the center of attention. Do you get it? I mean, I don't want anyone to be worried about me. I don't want anyone to get into trouble because of me. And yah, I guess I just don't want anyone to pity me.

I admit. I have something about all these pitying stuff. First and foremost, I hate people who self-pity-- and this goes for myself as well. Oh gosh, I dunno. I'm getting sooooo confused right now.

It really, really stinks to be me at this very moment. Like, I constantly want to be the good-natured girl other people see me the entire time but I don't feel that way. It hurts the most co'z I don't want to tell anyone what's bothering me.

Yeah, I guess it's because I kind of expect other people to not care. I mean, it's like so hard for me to look for a confidante. I find it hard to find someone I could share everything to who'll not be biased. I am sometimes hard to understand, I know that. That's why I don't expect people to understand me. Besides, I don't even want to attempt to make people understand-- I've already tried that before and it didn't work to my advantage. Maybe I am also scared-- scared of what other people might say. I mean, I don't want people to try to analyze me. I don't want them to because I know that they'll just misunderstand me in the end. And yah, sometimes they even use the information to bring me down. I got really, really bad experiences on that that's why I sort of live by the belief that my only bestfriend is myself. Sad.

Oh well. Here I go again. Wallowing in my pain and depression but still trying to force a smile. I know maybe I should learn to open up about my feelings more but I'm not so sure I could do that now. I'm not yet prepared for that-- maybe when I finally found someone who could see me as me and would understand me even in my worst behavior.

It is during these times that I really miss my bestfriend Rea. She was one of the very few who actually became my confidante. I actually admit though that I had a few inhibitions with her co'z like I said, I can't expect everyone to understand me, ergo, I keep a number of secrets and sentiments from her. Oh well.

This is how it is to be me.

I am hating myself at this moment co'z even as I am trying to tell you all how frustrated I am with being too optimistic, I still can't help being one right now. And you know what, I still think everything's gonna be better. That I can pull through this even on my own. That yeah, there will be a blue sky waiting for me tomorrow. I still keep on believing. I'm still keeping my faith-- even if all these would mean me living in a superficial world while pathetically wearing my yellow grin-plastered mask.

Oh what joy! Boo.

Sleep deprivation is bad for your health

2007-03-15T01:08:00.000+08:00

current addiction: belting out Paramore songs

playlist favorite: When We Die- Bowling for Soup

Finally! After two straight days of hardly and no sleep (two days, haha!), I finally had the chance to sleep for a good 8 straight hours! Wowee! I really am sooo happy about that! Haha! Well, I'm still me. 8 hours is already long so I now find myself, at 1 am, blogging. Haha! How more pathetic can I get? Oh well, this is the life of an insomniac. Hihi. ;)

Anyhow, I really am so happy that I was finally able to rest. I badly needed that. The lack of sleep was already taking its toll on me and it was already getting so humiliating to be seen sleeping in public. Haha! Yesterday was my worst experience about that. See, I absolutely didn't get more than 5 minutes of shut eye because of our friggin' paper in OC140. I absolutely hate our prof there co'z she feels like 140's our only subject ergo, giving us a lot of requirements. She's absolutely unbelievable! And yah, the thing about her is that, she is waayyyy demanding! When she's not satisfied with your paper, she returns it to you (note: without reading it) and asks you to do it over. What the?! Grr. It's even funny how she knows your papers good enough. She holds it in her hands, feels it and fans it out then says, "okay na 'to". Huh?? You found that out by just holding it? What are you, psychic or something?? Gawd.

Anyhow, enough rambling about her. Well, as the uber procrastinator as I am, I didn't do my case study until the last minute which was since Monday. Haha! And yah, I half hate myself too co'z I had all the time on Monday to somehow do a lot for my paper but because someone introduced to me a new site (yah, this is you Jian!), I got distracted again and ended up belting songs 'til morning instead. Oh my, I really am getting soo pathetic. Can you believe I actually didn't get more than half an hour's sleep last Monday just listening to songs? Nyay. Talk about prioritizing! Oh well. At least I had fun! haha! That is like the biggest justification, ever!

I did my very best to do my paper yesterday which sort of disappointed me. Why? Co'z I realized it was fun. Haha! See, we were tasked to do a case study about a particular organization. I was studying the Cultural Center of the Philippines. I was always so lazy to do ut co'z I had all the resources I need (mama and ninang) plus, I didn't need to go on the arduous task of observing the organization itself since I have been doing that all my life anyway. Haha! Well, when I was doing the case study yesterday, I found myself really enjoying it. I mean, I didn't really pay much attention to the way the organization itself worked so I found it so amusing how the organizational theories we were learning in school was actually applied in the CCP. Coolness! I had so much doing it that I even reached 54 pages! (double-spaced). But can you believe I actually did all that in less than a day? haha! Yeah, this is what I call C-R-A-M-M-I-N-G! Anyhoo, like I said, I got sort of disappointed about my paper co'z I honestly had fun doing it and I was thinking that if I only had time, I could have made it sooo much better. Yeah, yeah, regret always come in the end. I know that. I guess it's just that I never learn. Boo.

Oh yah! I almost completely forgot where I was going with my story. haha! About the embarassing thing-- well, it happened on my way home yesterday. disclaimer: not really funny. don't expect too much.

I was really, really sleepy already that it kind of was a bummer that when I got to the terminal, I still had to wait a looonnggg time before the auv got filled.

1. While I was waiting, the driver started to talk with me. He merely asked where I was studying. After that short conversation, the dispatcher approached and this time, he actually went in and started a conversation with me. I was sooo not in the mood to talk that's why I actually forgot to use "po and opo" the entire time. Besides, I was really not comfortable talking with him. Like, hello?! I'm perfectly okay not being chums with the terminal dispatcher, thank you very much. Ugh. The worst thing about that is he was even sort of flirting with me offering to buy me a drink. Ohmygosh. That time, I already had my mind set on just taking the bus home. Haha! I swear, that time, I really, really didn't want to go near that terminal, ever! Hahaha!

2. After Mr. Swavveehh left me, I started to sleep already. It was soo funny co'z I was sitted near the door so everytime someone enters, they'd be welcomed by my extremely drowsy looking eyes. Haha! One time, my hanky even fell from my hands and the guy in front of me was looking at me with an amused look. Yes, yes, I know! I look funny! But I don't care anymore! Everytime my head falls, I let it fall. Everytime I find myself in an awkward position, I shift and regain composure. That's life! I know they were probably laughing at me already but what the heck! I'm sleepy! Period.

haha! Well, that's the end of my post. I still have a lot of internet surfing to do so I guess I have to leave you all now. Goodbye!

Hi world, I am Ninia!

2007-03-12T20:09:00.000+08:00

current addiction: procrastinating/ singing Paramore songs. Daym.
playlist favorite: My Heart- Paramore

Goodmorning, Goodafternoon, Goodevening and Goodnight! Th-th-th-that's all folks! *bugs bunny's chuckle*

Ay. There goes my sanity *gazes towards far left* Tsk,tsk. This is baaaadddd... Rar. Oh well, as if I haven't posted worse stuff in my insanity days anyway-- this is already classified as mild. Teehee! =)

Ayayay! I'm getting crazier by the moment and you know what's worse? I don't even know what to blog about anymore. I honestly, honestly forgot. Haha! I guess I really am getting old! My memory is failing me more and more each day. Tsk! Gotta go buy Sustagen Prime before this gets any worse. =P

Oh gosh. I'm getting nowhere. I am officially wasting both you and I's time right now. Haha! So sorry about that. I dunno. My hands just won't stop typing but my brain just won't function! Talk about lack of coordination! Tsk! Hmm... gotta think of something to write... Hmm... aha! Hi world! I am Ninia!

Nyeh. No seriously, I am! Ninia is the nickname I adopted from Leclec and now that I'm thinking of Starbucks, I can't help go into my "My name's Ninia" mode again. Hihi. :) Why? Co'z it's the name I give whenever I order coffee. Hihi. ;) It's easier like that. I actually love using that name co'z eversince, I have been having a hard time thinking of a name to use when ordering-- I never use Ninin co'z I always have to spell it for them. I hardly use NJ co'z some baristas ask what NJ stands for which actually defeats the purpose of using it in the first place. Besides, it's even worse than saying Ninin. Ninin Joy. Like, ewww! ear bleed!!!

Haayyy... Before, I also liked using Joy although sometimes it gets so cliche already when the baristas says, One caramel machiatto for Joy!-- Or One venti Caramel Frappuccino for Hope, Faith, or Love! Haha, get it? Well, I think I'm sticking to Ninia for now. It's much easier and I guess funner. Haha!

Lalalalala... I now have a really, really bad headache. Yeah, I am again sick. I hate it sooo much. I can't do my papers well at this state. Grr! I even hate it co'z I have a report for OC140 tomorrow and I haven't even prepared for that in any way. *sighs* This is so stressful! I sorely want to rest and read a good book right now-- but I sorely can't do that. *sighs some more*

Oh well. I better go now. My headache is getting worse. Have fun people! Take care of yourselves okay? Love yah!

p.s. Congratulations to Robert Go for winning the SC elections! Yahoo! It feels great knowing my vote was part of what made you win. Whopee! =)

Does age matter?

2007-03-11T14:51:00.001+08:00

*edited, scroll down!

current addiction: belting out Paramore songs and recording them on my pc. haha!

playlist favorite: Oh Star- Paramore

Really, does it? I mean, I know for one that one's age sort of gauges how one should behave in society. But aside from that, does it really matter?

Well, I've been thinking about this a lot co'z I sorely want to get bangs. I swear, I really, really want to. I was supposed to get them last christmas but then I made myself promise not to cut my hair until my 18th birthday that's why even if I was sooo tempted to cut my bangs, I didn't. Now that I'm already 18, my desire to cut them is coming back. Argh! I really, really want to!

Well then, what's stopping me?

I'm scared. yeah, I'm super, super scared co'z it might not look good on me and I don't want to regret it. Next, I keep on asking other people's opinion about this and they say that when you get bangs, you sort of mature. And I don't think I'm ready for that. Argh. On the other side, I am sooo excited to get them co'z I want to know what I'd look like with bangs and I also want to look a bit different. Argh. Screw all these "looking-old" junk!

I hate it sooo much! I was actually thinking about it and I sort of had a realization. I am already 18 years old and isn't it high time I actually look my age? I mean, there's no use trying to look young co'z it's so pathetic for someone to still act and look childish when it's sooo obvious they're way beyond their youth. Problem is, I know I really look young regardless of whether I have bangs or not. I always get remarks that I look more like a highschool girl rather than a 2nd year college student. Wowee. I take them as compliments co'z it's fun to think I still strike people as youthful. It's flaterring in that way. Haha!

Speaking of age. I was browsing around the internet and I chanced upon someone's blog. I have nothing against him it's just that he claims to be only 17 years old when his activities are waaayyy too mature for his age. I mean, if you're seventeen, then what does that make me? Ten? Sheesh.

There really is no use lying about your age. It will show no matter how you try to conceal it. *sighs* I really torn right now. I mean, if there's no use concealing my age, then should I then go get bangs now? Rararara. This is soo hard.

Yeah, I admit. I don't want to look old yet. I mean, adulthood will eventually come at the proper time. I will mature eventually so in a way, I'm trying my best to savor my youthfulness while it lasts. I don't want to rush things. I admit, I still like getting hit on by high school boys even if I know they're so out of my age bracket already. Haha! It's there fault!

Well... I am way torn right now. What should I do?? My paper. haha! That was so random. Yeah, I know I have to do my paper now. I even feel sucky co'z I was able to do this entry in about fifteen minutes but I haven't even written a single sentence for my paper for two days already. Now how more pathetic and lazy can I get??? Gosh. Grow up Ninin!-- maybe not physically but mentally!

----

Since I'm sort of procrastinating again. Haha! I decided to go online and tune in to Jam 88.3 Well, while listening, thoughts of Campus Radio once again entered my mind. Gosh, I miss the old LS sooo sorely. Like, I just want to go on a tantrum just to have it back. *sighs* well, I went on the online petition and read who actually signed it. Well, I was in for a treat!

Just look at how pathetic people have become just to have the old LS back:

from grey's anatomy:
izzie- i used to model for underwear, but now im a doctor who wants the old lsfm back.

mcdreamy- I cant perform my surgeriess well because of the new wlsfm! Bring back the old one so i can go through a successful brain operation!

mcsteamy- i slept with mcdreamy's wife and i want LS back.

artists: (although some are for real!)

Justin Timberlake- i brought sexy back. now bring ls back!

Akon- i wanna f- - love you like i love LS.

Alden Acosta (callalily)- i hate the new LS. can you please bring back the old one?

John Hendrix (LS dj)- I hate my new job!

Haha, funny! I found my signature. I was the 452th one to sign the petition. hihi. :) There are now 1818 signatures, please, if you love LS as much as I do, sign it. I don't care if it won't bring LS back now at least I'd feel better knowing that I did something.

Sign the petition here: http://www.petitiononline.com/boolsfm/petition.html

Sick.

2007-03-10T12:56:00.000+08:00

current addiction: eating, eating, eating! wow, flabs here I come. rar.
playlist favorite: girlfriend- avril lavigne. yeah, I wanna be your GF!

I'm a bit under the weather today. Well not really under the weather, more of sick. Haha! My whole body's aching, I have lbm and am having colds. Fever? not sure. Argh, this is bad. My immune system is getting weak with all the stress. Sheesh. I hate it soo much! Well, I guess I have to pay the price. I have been pushing my body to the limit with hardly any sleep everyday. Think: 1-2hrs of sleep for a whole week! Nyay.

Anyhow, I sort of had a longer time to rest today. I woke up at 12pm, which is like sooo new in my book. Maybe I was just really, really tired. I arrived home at 1am yesternight co'z Ninang and I watched the Virtuosuous at the CCP. Speaking of the things I did yesterday, I actually did a whole lot of things:

1. Barely had any sleep co'z of my damn theoretical paper. Argh! I don't even think I slept-- erm, not really. I guess I had like about one hour of sleep co'z I slept at about 12 and woke up at 1am and then there was no more sleep after that. Sheesh. The worst thing was, when it was time to print it, I ran out of ink! Ohehmgeeh! I was already late for school that I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I slept the whole time in the fx (since mama has already left) and thank God there was no traffic! I went immediately to an internet cafe to have my paper printed but damn cafe wasn't open yet and so I ended up not printing my paper. Oh well. So much for all the cramming I did. Ugh.

2. Exercise your right to vote! Yeahboi! Since I'm already on the whole student council bandwagon per se, I just decided to go all the way and vote! Wahoo! It was the first time ever I did that. Haha! I feel a bit stupid co'z I accidentally voted for a candidate who apparently backed out of the race. Haha, this is what happens when you don't read your school paper. Hihi. ;)

3. Chocolates galore! Yay! Soan and I went to Greenbelt that afternoon to dine at Chocolate Bar. Wow, I swear, the chocolates are to die for! I'm not a huge fan of chocolates but I do like indulging in a choco treat occasionally. Teehee! Well, if you would like to satisfy your chocolate craving, this is the best place to go! The food is great too! I love the pasta! We were actually making fun of it at first co'z it was spicy and we were so shocked that it was since it wasn't indicated in the menu description. We were saying that the cook accidentally dropped capsicum flakes or whatever in the sauce. Haha! Well, in the end, we decided that it wasn't an accident afterall since it tasted really, really good. =P We also ordered waffles which was really heavenly! It was actually perfect with our pasta since it balanced the spicyness of it all. Hihi. ;) Oh my Soan, I can't wait to go back there with more cash on hand so we can go on a chocolate trip! Think: Chocolate Fondue, Hot Chocolate, and Mudpie. Yum-my!

4. Visited Redbox so we can get information on the rates. I am sooo excited to go there already! The place looks awesome and I just know that we would be having the time of our life! Hahaha! :)

5. Went around Glorietta for a while. Actually, we kinda wasted time looking for the Face Shop. We couldn't find it! Hahaha! Well, we eventually found it which really made me sooo happy co'z I finally found the lipgloss I've been looking for since July! Haha! I love eet soo much! It's just so perfect co'z it smells like watermelons, gives your lips shine but isn't sticky. It really is just soo perfect! I'm totally going to buy one!

6. Since I just can't say no and am a super sucker for any kind of trip, Soan convinced me to go to Shangrila with her. Haha! I just couldn't resist! It's looking like our Shang trips are becoming a weekly thing already. hihi. ;) What did we do there? Eat. Haha! I swear, after this, we'd have a hard time fitting into our jeans anymore. bwahahaha! :)) Where did we dine? At Cibo. =) So good! I just love their pastas. We ordered the vegetarian one with goat cheese. I love goat cheese, it makes everything taste incredible. Hihi. :) Well, the experience was really great, we also people-watched (saw some really, unbelievably hot guys there) and ended up feeling bitter. Haha! It's so frustrating how we can't find those kind of guys in our school-- or, anywhere near for that matter. I mean, where are they hiding for crying out loud?? Haha! =P

7. I arrived at CCP at about 8pm already. I was sooo late! I was even bothered co'z I was only wearing jeans and a layered tank top and I super hated that I'd be wearing that to a gala show. Remember my sentiments about that? Well, I was still thankful co'z my ninang let me borrow her super cool poncho. I love eet so much! She also let me borrow her black pointed pumps which helped up my outfit a lot. haha! Still, I felt really underdressed mainly because of my hair and jeans. For one, I was wearing light blue jeans which doesn't really spell formal in any way. haha! Next, I was supposed to put my hair up in a bun since I'm wearing a poncho but the elastic band I brought with me snapped! Ohmygosh! Perfect! Ugh. Anyhow, the show was really great although I practically slept the whole time. Haha, so sorry! It wasn't the performers' fault, I swear, it wasn't! It's just me. I just really can't help falling asleep when it comes to musicals like this. I already owe the Madrigal Singers for sleeping twice in their show and now, I have to pay the PPO too. Haha! Bad Ninin! So sorry guys, I'm just really tired plus you're all soo good already that you guys lull me to sleep. =P

8. Another Veronica Mars night. Haha! The door of my room shut closed maybe because of the wind or somebody stupidly closed it. Oh well, whatever the reason is, I still felt really, really bad. I was sooo tired already and the last thing I wanted to do was pull another Veronica Mars stunt. Sheesh. Well, at least I get to practice my lock opening skills. Grr.

Well, there! I've already wasted sooo much time sleeping co'z of what I'm feeling and I haven't started with my paper yet! Yikes. This is so bad. I just can't concentrate! I super want to strangle myself right now. Haha! That's all people! I better go now. 'Til my next post! Love yah!

embrace the feeling

2007-03-08T18:16:00.000+08:00

current addiction: getting into the student council bandwagon
playlist favorite: Pink 5ive- Silent Sanctuary

Close you eyes, put your hand over your heart and feel. Just feel.

Doesn't it give you a sort of peace? I mean, I guess in my case, when I'm already overwhelmed with the things I am experiencing, just taking time to medidate, and hear my heart beating makes everything seem better. Knowing that I'm still alive, gives me hope that everything will eventually be well soon.

I guess you can say I'm on the brink. I'm teetering between feeling down-in-the-dumps and optimism. Actually, at times like these, I wish I wasn't so optimistic. It becomes a lot more complicated for I always end up hoping, but in the end, my bubble always gets popped. Yeah... it sucks, I know. But optimism is part of who I am. I can never, ever give up on anything. I will always live by the saying, "when life throws you lemons, make lemonade".

I remember my friendster horrorscope about two weeks ago. I really, really loved it co'z it was perfect for that particular time and yes, it was a real eye-openner for me. It read:

You don't always have to categorize your feelings. Just leave them where they are.

Wow. That's deep. But you know what, that really gave me the strength to move on. I mean, it made me realize that it is okay to not know exactly what you're feeling. It's okay to be confused. No one should pressure you to say exactly what you feel especially at times that you yourself can't even classify your emotions. Wow, I still can't get over those words, it really hit the mark. It's perfect. =)

While watching Mtv, I chanced upon The Fray's video for How to Save a Life and another thing struck me. In the video, they listed a number of things one can do to help "save a life". Number 22, was cry. Yes, it's true. It is okay to cry when you feel happy, sad or numb. You can cry no matter how small the reason is. It doesn't matter! If you feel like crying, do so. It's the only way you can release all those negative energy. Cry because you feel like crying, cry even without knowing the reason why, cry until you can no longer cry. Just cry! Yes, I've done this a thousand times. I cry when I hear a song or see a sad video. Sometimes, I don't even know why I'm affected by the song and I hate myself for being so emotional but now, I realize that it really is okay to cry. You really don't need to know why you feel that way. Just embrace the feeling. Like I said, you don't always have to define your emotions. Just let them be.

Now, I get strength from the Fray's vid of How to Save a Life. In a way, it's saving my life right now. Thing is, I can't really say what's bothering me, but like I already said, we don't really need to know what we're feeling or why we're feeling that way. Frankly, I don't want to share why for the sole reason that I just don't want to.

Well, all I wanna say now is that to all those who may be feeling something-- whatever that is, just know that you're not alone. I guess now, I may not be able to provide you advice or help you with your problem but just know that I'm here. I'm here to listen and hold your hand. We'll go through this together... we'll save each other's lives.

Scratch

2007-03-07T13:56:00.000+08:00

current addiction: daydreaming

playlist favorite: Scratch- Kendall Payne

Omg. I can't believe I'm wallowing in my imagined sorrow again right now. It just sucks to not have the right to feel bad. I mean, I feel awful but thing is, I shouldn't. Ugh. This is so hard. I can barely concentrate on anything anymore. I always end up thinking about them and how it pains me. Gosh. I need to get hold of myself. I need to pick myself up and move on.

I guess it's just that I feel so insecure. I hate that I'm not pretty enough. I even feel so sucky co'z I feel physical inadequacy which is like the lamest reason ever! Sheesh. This is bad. I know I probably shouldn't think of it anymore nor should I get affected but truth is, I am affected. I can't get over it just yet. Perhaps I need time, I need diversion. It's just that I have so much emotional investment on this that it's not that easy to accept the truth.

It still feels surreal. Yes, if only all these was a mere dream, I swear, I really wanna wake up now. Problem is, reality slapped me hard in the face telling me that I AM awake.

Someday, someone's gonna love me

The way I wanted you to need me

Someday, someone's gonna take your place...

Birthday galore!

2007-03-05T18:57:00.000+08:00

current addiction: pigging out

playlist favorite: Scratch- Kendall Payne

Wowee. My birthday's done and over with! I had sooo much fun! I feel good co'z this was the way I wanted my birthday to be done-- simple, meditative and all me. haha!

pre-birthday celebration:

1. foot spa at Shangrila with dear Soan. We also ate at Coffee Beanery where we indulged in their banana mocha iced coffee. I have to say, it was just mediocre. I mean, once is enough for me. Haha! The ham and cheese croissant though was definitely to die for! It was really, really good. Definitely worth your 40+ bucks. :P

2. Watched Espanya Extension at the CCP. I love ballets. The dancers really amaze me. They're super! I also love dressing up. Hihi. ;) I was actually really happy that the people there were all glammed up. I was already disappointed at first co'z there were those who kept shouting "bravo" in the audience. I guess I have nothing against them it's just that it's so inappropriate for a place like the CCP. Daym. They sound so uneducated. Rar. Oh well, I was still very happy co'z people still go to gala nights all dolled up and pretty. That's actually one of the reasons I love watching gala shows. It gives me the opportunity to wear my glamourous clothes without looking ridiculous. Haha! Really, I never want to see the day that gala nights won't be dress-up nights anymore. Damn those who attend galas in their jeans. Eww.

birthday:

1. left the house at noon. It was sort of a bummer co'z our damn maid just had to be sick and had to go to the hospital that morning, ergo, postponing my plans for the day. We were already late for mass and I was just glad we were still able to catch about half of it. Thank God!

2. Ate lunch at Chaikofi and dessert at Dulcinea. Damn. I hate Chaikofi! Their food is expensive but is sooo not worth it! I swear, it's like we just wasted our money there. To the managers of Chaikofi, improve dude! This is sooo bad for your business. Tsk.

3. Ninang had to go to CCP co'z something went amiss with her work. Rar. I just stayed in the car, chatted with mama and played the mp3 I burned the night before. Haha!

4. We checked in at about 4pm. Funny co'z something Montessori had their prom there. Since I was wearing a dress, a group of moms commented on me saying, "siya nga simple lang oh!". Haha! So, I still look like a HS student, ey? Rar. If you guys only knew. Haha! Still, I love that people think I'm young for my age. That's waayyy better than looking old. Haha!

5. We were supposed to go to the spa for some pampering session but then when we got to the room, we enjoyed bumming around that in a while, it was already 6pm and we had to get ready for dinner already. Nyay. Ninang said we'll just go after dinner but then, we were too full to even move. Oh well. Maybe next time.

6. I camwhored all day! Shucks. I can't believe it! The number of pictures I took are unbelievable! Hahaha!

post-birthday:

1. ordered room service. Everything really is expensive in a five-star hotel. Gosh, a simple Filipino breakfast of bangus, and eggs was already worth 750php. Whoa.

2. Had sooo much fun in the tub! Wowee! I love eet sooo much!

3. Wasn't able to go shopping co'z my mom was feeling bad and wanted to go home. I drove the car home. Really cool co'z I wasn't accompanied by a driver. It was all me! Whoopee! It was a bummer though when it was time to park it. I hate parking. It's sooo hard! I really have to practice a lot.

There! That's the summary of my birthday! Whopee! Overall, I had a really great 18th birthday. It was perfect the way it is. I love that I was able to get what I wanted and really have time to be on my own. Yeah, I really felt like I left the real world for a while and stepped into the world of glamour and fantasy. Yeah, talk about living a princess life. Aaahhhh...

Well, that's all! I feel awful today. I just wanted to post something for my birthday. Hihi. :) Hey, I also edited my wishlist, checking those I already got. :)

p.s. check out my multiply for the pics! :D http://orangerain13.multiply.com remember, you have to sign in as a member first to view them. mwah!

Before my tear drops

2007-03-04T19:59:00.000+08:00

I shouldn't have been too curious. I hate it that I had to see that. Poof goes my bubble. I keep telling myself it's okay, but really, it's not.

Yay!

2007-03-03T00:26:00.000+08:00

current addiction: shopping/ spending money

playlist favorite: Perfect Day- Hoku

Wow! I'm finally 18! I still can't believe it. This is way, way, cooollll!!!! I love eet sooo much! I actually can't think straight right now. I'm doing my best to take in the fact that I am now E-I-G-H-T-E-E-N! Wahooo! yupee! Whoopdedoo! :D

I'll be gone for a while. We're staying at a hotel this weekend so I guess I'd catch you all on Monday. Wow. It really feels surreal! I'm totally loving it!

Spread the love people! Spread the joy! It's time to parr-teeeyyyy!!! :D

p.s. Special, special shoutout to Riza! Twin! We're finally 18! Coolness!