current addiction: downloading games
playlist favorite: The prayer- Bloc party
I have always said that I want to be an ambassador. It is that one thing in my life that I have always been so certain of. It's like my childhood dream and one that I really see myself as wanting to be. But is foreign service really the path I ought to take?
No, don't get me wrong, I'm not having second thoughts or whatever. It's just that I kind of had the realization that my life is somehow planned out for me already. It's not a bad thing because it is afterall because of me that my life is so certain. I made the plans, I work in line with my goal. So in the end, it's really all me. It's just that I kind of got shocked at how everything's set in place when I'm actually the kind of girl who believes in taking chances and loves to go where the wind blows her. Well, apparently, I'm not that carefree.
Well maybe at some points I am like that. I mean, for one, where I went to school was never my decision, it has always been my mom's. The course on the other hand, is by me, because like I said, my goal has been set since the day I laid eyes on Amb. Luz del Mundo. I really don't care what happens in between in my life, all I know is, I need to reach my goal in the end.
My life has been set for me and I have planned so hard to be an ambassador. I took French lessons at Alliance Francais de manille, English speaking skills at Speechpower, harnessed my writing skills through the school paper bagging a couple of awards in the process and is now, taking a communication's course to enhance my coversational abilities. I mean, I am sooo equipped with the necessary tools to become the girl I dream to be. The only thing missing is my law degree and I'm really set!
But
Truth is, all these certainties and concrete plans is making me really scared. I'm scared that I might not get what I want. I don't want to get disappointed. I worked really hard for this. I want this.
I guess one of the things that's bothering me and making me feel scared is the fact that I feel like I want to do more. I want to be a businesswoman, an entrepreneur, an events manager, a restaurant cook and owner, a marketing rep for L'oreal, a magazine editor, the works! That's my problem. I see myself being happy in those positions sooo much just because that's me-- that's where my personality fits perfectly. Yes, I know, being an ambassador fits me in some ways too however, I feel like I want to do a lot of creative things first before finally settling for the boring, dark-suited world of Foreign affairs. But that's not part of my plan.
See why I feel so scared? I'm young! I want to live my life to the fullest while I still have time! But Foreign affairs also do not wait for anyone. It's now or never. It's a matter of choosing which path to take and praying that you make the best one.
It's sad to think that this day had to come-- when what used to be the source of my joy and the one thing that felt concrete to me is starting to make me unhappy. Now, I merely hold on to the belief that God hands you the right opportunities at the right time.
Lord, tonight make me unstoppable!
I will charm, I will slice
I will dazzle them with my wit!
Labels: confused